Hello Wants2stop,
It's been a long time since I've posted on your diary but can I just say you are an absolute inspiration to me. I lapsed last year heavily and now I've started a fresh.
I want you to know that you helped me a great deal back at the start with my gambling addiction and all I could see in your posts was total sense. I used to log in daily and some times hourly just to read your progress. It amazed me and totally motivated me to achieve the same as you.
I even found myself setting little incentives (which I still do today) which I took from you. I could really see your positivity shining through your posts, brighter and brighter every post you published.
You are still a great inspiration and I will continue to keep an eye on your progress.
Thank you once again for making this easier for me, and I imagine others too.
Scott x
What a lovely post.
Such a shame I hope I haven't let you down too much by relapsing myself. Its a long journey I am sure. But I am ready to try again
Had some fleeting thoughts of temptation today but have shrugged them off
Day 13
I was right OH Gambled this morning. At least he sent over the house keeping first.
Feel annoyed that we struggle to buy food when we earn so much together (him mainly but approx 40000+ a year combined) we shouldn't be living like this
Glad to be gf. I may be moody and feel c**P for other reasons at the moment but in one way I feeling better just being gf. Head not so bad and more awake. Rather than zombie like gambling state
Although if I had money in the bank I could easily give in
Starting to feel more in control. Not only in gambling but in other aspects. Trying to sort out finances and my eating too
Feeling positive
Day 14
OH borrowed more to gamble and now has no money for his direct debit. Annoyed even though I understand how it goes. Just can't believe him when he says he will change. Doesn't seem to try. I may have relapsed several times but I make an effort and try
Day 16
Forgot to login yesterday was busy then poorly. Still feeling rough
OH said he will cancel his account tomorrow. Let's see.
Was proud of myself for not giving in. Had an arguement Friday which had me wanting a fix be it gambling alcohol food. Something. Didn't give in to any
Sorry to hear of your struggles. You do so well to resist when your OH continues.
Keep going, one gf day at a time.
Hope you feel better soon x
Day 17
Thank you. It is hard to resist when its right in front of you. He had another loan today to sort himself of which he gambled £90. He has now self excluded from the site which is good. As long as he doesn't open more.
He is on late shift this week. I would usually gamble the evening away. So I think it will be a mental struggle this week. Not that I want to gamble but there's something in the back of my mind which tells me I might win etc etc
Still gonna be a big financial struggle for a while. Get paid Friday and unsure I will get enough to pay all the bills. Even though they are on plans
Staying strong though
Keeping busy watching Bosch on amazon 🙂
Keep busy, don't let temptation get the better of you!
You know we always end up losing so don't fall for the false hope of winning.
Only way we can win is by not placing that first bet!
All good wishes - you can do it X
Day 18
You are right and that's the rational reasoning but we are not always rational. Thats how we got here 🙁
P****d off OH cancelled his account but already gambled on another site!
Day 19
OH still in bed didn't go work yesterday. Says he's not going today. Think he's depressed. I can relate. I have been there. But he won't go docs or do anything about it. Starting to lose sympathy as he won't help himself. P****s me off a bit too. He should be looking after me. I have a lot going on. Seeing the surgeon in 2 weeks to get a verdict. Could do with more support. Sorry to moan. Bit it helps. Rant over
Feeling low today. Relationship problems. Parenting problems. Health problems. Would normally turn to something to feel better. Be it gambling. Food. Alcohol etc
Day 20
Feeling a bit more positive today. 3 weeks gf tomoro and payday. Be a relief to get rid of rent arrears. Need to concentrate on bills then and budgeting
Day 21
Would be so easy to gamble today. It is going to be a hard day to stay gf.
Triggers. Got paid. Fed up. Emotional. OH Will be at work until 11. Daughter at Nan's then nursery until 4. All these things contribute to a normal day gambling my life away
Haven't got paid enough to cover everything so the brain says gamble to win (haha!)
OH still gambling. Even though I'm annoyed the brain says if you can't beat them join them
What am I going to do - I need to stay busy or at least stay away from sites. Got lots to do around the house but also want to appreciate the time I have on my own
I want to read my new book. I have a couple of programs to catch up on too. In between cleaning up. And walk the dog. Try and keep positive mind!
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