Starting again after relapse

2 years today gamble free. Never did I think that was possible.

In March 2015 I admitted I had a gambling problem and vowed never to gamble again. At that point I was 45K in debt. I managed about 3 weeks gamble free before I relapsed massively. By July 2016 I was 90K in debt. An amount now I struggle to believe I ever managed to accumulate.

I bet on online sports, would bet throughout my working day, how I kept my job I will never know, always disappearing from my desk to look for the next bet, sometimes even sat at my desk. I would wake up during the night and place more bets, not a moment would pass when I either was thinking of gambling, or was doing. Gambling was my life, gambling was me.

As a result, I eventually lost my fiancГ©, 2 dogs, house, friends all to gambling. I had to start from scratch, but thankfully I had my parents and some very loyal friends who were with me every step of the way.

2 years on and I haven’t looked back. I have a new job, partner and feel the most complete as a person I’ve ever been. I went bankrupt, some people hate me and I’ve hurt some people which I can’t change. I won’t give myself a life sentence for the mistakes I made, for having an addiction, I didn’t ask for it, but I succumbed to it. Life isn’t easy, we fall into traps and can’t get out, no-one is immune. No-one wants to be an addict, I wanted to escape, I just didn’t know what from. I wanted control, but I didn’t know that I was out of control.

I can’t imagine going back to my former gambling life, it seems so distant from the life I now live. The happy life I now realise can exist outside gambling.

For anyone struggling, gambling issues can be overcome, reach out for support; go to GA, have counselling, speak to someone. I never thought anyone would understand, it turned out a lot of people were more empathetic than I ever gave them credit for. Save yourself, it’s worth it. I’d given in, thought my only option was to end my life. I’m so glad I didn’t. You can beat this, I’ve lived to tell the tale, you can too.

thats a brilliant inspiring post K7N

congratulations on 2 years gamble free

Amazing story!

Congratulations!!

Well done

Been a while since my last post, but over 4 years in recovery and life is good. Currently rebuilding my credit rating with the goal of getting a house with my partner next year. I've learned to deal with the ups and downs of life without the desire to gamble or mask my emotions.

Keep at it to anyone struggling ?

Hi K7N,

Just read your first post from all these years ago and how you came close to ending it all but thankfully had the interception of that old lady.

Lovely to read that you’re doing well and life appears good for you. It’s a big inspiration for those of us in early stages of recovery.

Well done.

Thank you @sanpablo, means a lot. I read my post yesterday and it's like it was a different person. I remember back then I didn't think I could go an hour without gambling let alone a day. I hope anyone that reads this can believe that life does get better and there is a life without gambling. I'm so thankful I didn't give up, and not a day goes by that I don't think about that kind old lady. 

5 years ago my gambling was at its worst and I was gambling without anyone knowing, hard to believe I was able to function and hold it all together for so long. I'm now just away 2 months away from being debt free and I have savings. I always worried that having money would be a trigger, but I'm always checking in with my partner and can say thatg ambling is nowhere on my radar.

I continue to work on my recovery by looking at improving my mental health with mindfulness and physical health by exercise and changing my diet. I feel fulfilled, every day I'm still learning about myself, and how to cope in challenging situations without turning to my once go to coping mechaniam of gambling.