Day One
I'll start with my story - I am a 45 year old Mum of four who happened upon online gambling about 6 years ago as a single parent.(I have only played 2 particular slot machines the whole time!) During that time I have been married, given up a full time job and am now a full time student studying Mental Health Nursing. The gambling has been a real problem in the last 3 years causing untold problems. I hate the feelings the most though: hopelessness; guilt; desperation and shame. I'm always asking myself why I'm so weak willed. It feels like I'm wading through treacle the whole time. I've been gambling free a few times but only for short periods. This time I want it to be different and so I'm approaching the problem from a different angle.
In the past I've self excluded from most of the big online sites but there are so many that I always manage to find a new one that has my game. My husband transfers any money from my bank account to his, but I've even got around that before now. I had never heard of the Time, Money, Location triangle before coming on this forum but will continue to work on removing one of the three at any one time.
I will continue with the above strategies but I want to reach that glorious but elusive place where the 'urge' has disappeared, hence the new approach. I've started with this recovery diary and plan to call the GamCare helpline on Tuesday to see if I can access some counselling. Anything is worth a try. I have a holiday booked in 7 weeks time which is at risk if I don't stop now, this is my incentive for the time being and when I'm back from that I am planning to concentrate on passing my driving test and buying a car, then it'll be Christmas and with four children it requires some serious saving up!
So, my slot machine friend, it's been hell knowing you and I'll miss you like a hole in the head but it's time to say goodbye. GF Day One is over, here's to many many more.
P.S. Like others on this forum I am disgusted by the 48 hour (sometimes longer) period in which you can reverse your withdrawal, there's not many among us that wont go back on and reverse, then lose it all. If anyone has any ideas about how to campaign to get this stopped, I'm in!
Jomiaeli
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same goal, to arrest that all important next punt, to put an end to the self created misery that is the compulsion to gamble.
You like me are a compulsive gambler, active we live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop
Gambling brings huge emotional turmoil and destroys our self esteem
No win will ever be great enough and losses are chased relentlessly
The money in truth is just a symptom of addiction, it is the fuel that feeds addiction.
Eliminate the access to your money and you simply won't be able to lay that next punt.
Share your recovery with your husband, I have shared my recovery with my wife as my gambling deeply affected her life and in truth I believe she deserves recovery from addiction, my addiction.
The greatest thing to come from recovery is I have become honest again, gambling led me to become decieptful and without doubt the compulsion to gamble is a progressive addiction.
You can turn your own life around, your will to arrest the next punt will become stronger than addictions want for you to place it.
I believe recovery is a gift
Take all it offers
One day at a time
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
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