Stephen ~ Compulsive Gambler ~ Last bet 3rd January 2018.

Great idea on the piece of card in your wallet. I like that idea. I might work out when would be my day 100. I think I made it to about 160 last time. Glad you are feeling positive and in control. Great stuff xx

Hi Stephen . A thought about getting the money back . You know it’s fiction like A unicorn . You could win the money back (who knows) but you may not . In fact I can sit here and say with confidence you won’t . Even if you did , the reason you are here proves that you wouldn’t use it to pay debts or boost your savings . Your addiction will feed on it and it may last you for a day , a month or whatever length of time . The grim facts are we have no STOP button. No win is big enough to walk away, no loss is enough until we clean ourselves out . After we have been punched in the nuts , left alone to wallow in our own self pity the addiction doesn’t care . We are it’s host . It waits until we manage to scrape more tokens be it morally or not and resets itself to do exactly the same again, time after time . My advice for what it’s worth is to let it go , cover your nuts with a large cricket box and move forward

Thank you for the posts on my diary.

S&B...You are doing really well. Over10 weeks gamble free and you are keeping a positive outlook.

Annie...We can do it this time. Having both enjoyed long periods without gambling we know what we are up against. This weekend sees us both in double figures, which is a good start to our recovery. We are up and running, alongside all our gamcare friends. The addiction will pester us from time to time but we won't be listening.

Vulture...Totally agree with you my friend. The losses are gone for good and it is imperative that we accept that. You have really been through the mill with compulsive gambling. I found your diary both sad and thought provoking. You have worked so hard and the addiction has just bled you dry. However i was pleased to read of your previous success remaining gamble free. You obviously have plenty of inner strength so just need to channel that energy into your recovery.

Hello Diary. Double figures tomorrow and going like a steam train. Off for a swim and a steam shortly and tonight going to a 5 rhythm dance. Still struggling with my breathing but will do what I can and enjoy the company, the exercise and the fun.

67 is not old but I smoked until I was 50 and my working environment on ships exposed me to all kinds of dusts and chemicals. Joined the council when I was 36 which was not too bad. Anyway here I am now with dodgy lungs and finances battered due my gambling. Bit silly really, working hard all my life and ending up wi nowt but a debt, but that's what gambling does to us. I get sufficient pension to live comfortably and have a social life. To get things in perspective, my gym membership is about £320 per year ~ how long would it take me to lose that gambling ? Not long.

It's never too late to change and I am looking forward to my gamble free future.

Hi Stephen,

Glad to see you in a cheery mood today, and huge thanks for posting on my diary yesterday. Really helps feeling part of the community. I know you've recently had a relapse, but its great that you've got straight back on the horse, been open about it and are clocking up the days again .... its great that you can have a wobble and pull yourself out of it, rather than thinking you're back to zero, so might as well have a right binge! (I think I'd be more likely to do the latter, so no relapsing for me ...).

Cheers

Richard

You are talking sense Stephen. Whoop whoop for double figures! This is the craziness of gambling - gym membership of £320 sounds expensive but in the crazy online world of gambling I have spent that over and over in single nights. Gym membership is so money well spent and worth every penny. Well done!! X

Thankyou Richard & Annie for your support and encouragement.

One day at a time may sound a bit slow but in reality the days go whizzing by. I am now 10 days older but the good news is I am 10 days gamble free. Got to make sure I don't waste any more of my days.

Every time I gambled a little bit more of me died.

Enjoyed the 5 Rhythm Dancing last night. Great music, a lot of fun and very liberating.

Wishing everyone a contented gamble free weekend.

Morning Stephen, it’s good to hear that you had a good whirl to the 5 rhythm dancing, possibly something I should look into, mmmmm, watch this space.

You won’t know this but you kinda inadvertently gave me a nudge from your #48 post with regards to smoking. I’m 50, a somewhat heavy smoker and knowingly that it’s catching up on me, now for the first time ever I’m slowly turning round to face it.

A little ramble there but, something very much on my mind and your helped me to make positive actions rather than thoughts in dealing with this bane of my life

Have a good day as you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upO0Ax83EHs&feature=share

Morning Stephen ... Well done on 10 days gf good to see you back and at it and, and you seem back to your positive self ..... you are spot on no hungry bookies they dont give a damm about us and i am with you in not giving them anymore of our hard earned cash, as you have said in the past " no more the fool" ...... enjoy your gym time and have a good weekend and just for today we wont gamble and then see what tomorrow brings us .... take care.

Hi Stephen!

Thanks for the post and most importantly the song! To be honest I only now took earphones off as carried away with the charts all along lol...you would think I have a compulsion huh...pfff lol

You sound like reached calm waters and it's nice to see!..oh, also double figures which is really good start! Not gonna go about the foundations and all that, we are not at building site this Sunday aft ;-)...but just wishing you strength, clarity and positivity for today & every day!

Be proud - you're doing it!

S&B xx

Hi Stephen. I'm really happy that you are maintaining a strong and determined stance against this insidious disease, and using all the battle tools at your disposal. Not least of all your GamCare friends who, unlike others in this life, would not walk out on you, especially when you needed them most.

You've not recommended a music track for a while so here's one just for you.

With a little help from my friends, by the Beatles.

What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song. And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.

I used to sing from the terraces at Highbury to one of my footballing heroes Ian Wright. I'd sing: Wrighty Wrighty give us a wave". And he would usually oblige.

But right now I have a new chant - 'Stephen Stephen give us a song!'

Thank you for the posts on my diary which I really appreciate.

Volcano ...Glad your intending to stop the ciggies my friend. It really is horrible when your lungs are damaged and it is a struggle to breathe properly. You may relish the five rhythm dancing, it can be a lot of fun and very liberating but not everybody's cup of tea. Someone said to me; "it's like a rave without the acid." You need to lose yourself in the music. Thankyou for the music link "Imagine Dragons," Enjoyed listening to their songs.

Chartom...I need to keep your words fixed in my brain; "Today I will not gamble and see what tomorrow brings." As long as I can stick to that simple promise than my problems are over. It really is that simple unless I choose to complicate it.

S&B...I am presently in calm waters, but as we all well know, squally weather is never far away. I have on occasion been wafted along in a gentle breeze and suddenly found myself in the eye of an hurricane. Thank you for your wishes of Strength, Clarity and Positivity, I will need these qualities in abundance as I venture forth on my journey to freedom. I enjoy your musical links, thank you for sharing them.

Changemylife... Brilliant song by the Beatles emphasising the importance of friendship. The support, friendship and understanding of our gamcare friends is magical. I particularly liked the version of the song by Joe Cocker, he really grabs it by the scruff of the neck but in a nice way. He was quoted as saying, To be on the road, even if your not that happy, is all right, as long as i'm pouring my heart into it." That strikes a chord with me on the recovery road as I summon all my strength and give recovery my best shot.

Hello Diary. Their seems to be a concern amongst us of being caught up in habitual behaviour. We can find ourselves repeating our mistakes and friends write about trying to break the cycle of addictive behaviour. I asked Bob Dylan for his views on this, he replied; "Come gather round people wherever you roam ~ and admit that the waters around you have grown ~and accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone ~and if your breath to you is worth saving ~ than you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone ~ for the times they are a-changing."

Hi stephen,
I've just realised you've reached double figures, you'll be on 2 weeks before we know it!
Glad to hear you're managing to get out and about again, setting the dance floor on fire!
Keep up the good work, you're a great support to many x

Thank you Little Miss for your kind words. Going for a swim and a steam this afternoonn than Salsa tonight. Ha ha, that should be fun, a chance to strut my stuff and look really cool.

I saw this quote which I liked " The path from dreams to success does exist ~ May you have the vision to find it, the courage to get on with it and the perseverance to follow it.

Take care everybody. One day at a time is all it takes.

Hi Stephen, and thank you so much for your kind words about my 'Can we do something ---> Yes We Can!" post. I'll admit it's become a bit of a 'project' for me, so I'm always tinkering with it!

I'm delighted for you that you're back on your feet (and moving them to the beat), after being 'in the wars' health-wise recently. And ever determined to stay on the good path, and being totally upfront and honest when you've fallen down. As you know, I have full respect for your honesty, it shows your underlying integrity.

I enjoy your posts because you say it how it is and rationalise everything perfectly. For example, your gym membership, £320 a year. Just under £1 a day, but because you use it (many people stop round about this time of the year, the New Years resolutions starting to falter...) it's great value. Especially in the context of how that money could otherwise easily disappear in a P u f f of smoke by gambling it.

Always wishing you well Stephen, here's to a great week ahead my friend.

Hi Stephen, great to see those days ticking over. Even though January seems to be never ending for once it'S lovely to see the New Year as an opportunity rather than a burden. Hope you enjoyed throwing some shapes tonight, take care S:)