Stephen ~ Compulsive Gambler ~ Last bet 3rd January 2018.

Hi Stephen, I can't imagine you are lazy in any way!!! Hope you've had a good Sunday? Your post on my diary earlier really made my day and I may have been chopping onions(code!) I don't think I was a bad person when gambling, just trapped and scared that that was it forever. Not gambling has opened my eyes to so much and given me a bucket of hope for a brighter future in every way. Ps you ain't no fool!! Wise, caring, funny is what you are S x

Thank you Sharon. I think you've hit the nail on the head with that last post:

" I don't think I was a bad person when gambling, just trapped and scared that that was it forever. Not gambling has opened my eyes to so much and given me a bucket of hope for a brighter future in every way."

Being compulsive gamblers doesn't mean we are bad people. When we are caught up in gambling addiction we lose our sense of control, we become frightened and start to feel that there is no way out of it for us. We might lose all our confidence, self respect and also experience feelings of helplessness.

It is encouraging to see how not gambling has transformed your outlook on life. Naturally you still harbour some feelings of remorse, guilt and sadness, but you see things more clearly now and you have hope for a brighter future.

I think it sends out a good, strong, clear message.

Take care ...stephen x

I have been reading through all of these posts and it is comforting to know I am not the only one with these terrible feelings of dread and disappointment when I think about all the money I have lost through online gambling.

Yesterday I self excluded myself from all online sites and I am determined to stop once and for all before I get myself in to any more debt, I have sleepless nights where I am tossing and turning worrying about money, having hot sweats when I think about all of the money I have lost. I know it has to stop if there is any chance of me trying to clear my debt and try to get back to how I used to be. Today has been hard but I have been strong and kept myself busy and kept saying to myself I will not bet. I am worried that over the next few days if I don’t occupy myself after work I may be tempted, does anyone have any advice on how to try and change my mind set to get rid of any temptations? Thank you in advance.

Thank you Kel21 for posting on my diary. You are in the right place because you are with like minded friends who want to stop gambling.

It is a good idea to ring GamCare and discuss the options available to you. Alternatively you can get information and advice by consulting the GamCare Forum page.

Many people find it beneficial to start their own diary to keep an ongoing record of their progress and to interact with other members. To do this go to the Recovery Diaries page. Press where it says New Topic . Enter the name you would like to call your diary, add a message and off you go.

Many members have long periods where they have been free from gambling, their lives seem to have improved a great deal.

Wishing you well. Stephen

Hi Stephen. Just wanted to say that you're doing great. Input, Output, Feedback, Aspirations, Honesty, Compassion... Need I say more?

Hi Stephen, thanks for posting I wholeheartedly believe that you can do this!, stay GF and enjoy the life you deserve. Had sad news yesterday that a school friend passed away at the weekend, unbelievebly tragic. This has made me realise even more that we need to live the lives we want and nothing is undoable. We can draw a line, start again and forgive ourselves. Take care my friend Sx

Hi Stephen, and hope life's treating you well this week 🙂

You are exactly right when you write that we are not 'bad' people. We are trapped in a gambling cocoon that shuts our true selves out, that's all.

We can break free from those insidious gambling threads that envelop that cocoon, and make sure we sharpen our gambling-free knives; this evil knotweed grows back quickly if we're not careful...

Your doing great Stephen and what I admire about you is that you are determined to live a better life. It's not easy, this, but you keep bloody at it. And that gets my true respect, my friend.

Hope you are ok Sharon. It must feel terrible to lose a friend you have known since your schooldays.

It reminds me that life is precious and something to be cherished.

Sending you a hug and my best wishes ...stephen x

Thanks for the post on my diary Mixer. That's a great analogy. Wrapped up in the gambling addiction has always left me feeling helpless. Hope your having a good week.

21 days GF ! now now sir Stephen 🙂 that’s a good winning streak . You’ve always been one of my inspiration to remain gf , you’ve proven that age is just a number 🙂 stay young and fresh 😉

Many thanks Sars and I totally agree with you - 21 days gamble free is a good winning streak. Every day that I don't gamble is another step in the right direction.

I sometimes get confused with the notion of reaching "rock bottom." Someone once remarked at a GA meeting that only by reaching rock bottom can we stop gambling. I didn't agree with that than and I don't now.

What is "rock bottom?" People will sink to different depths to satisfy their gambling lust. For some it may involve losing their savings, others their liberty, and some even their life.

I'd hate to think that in the confusion someone might view it as their goal, something to aspire to.

It would seem preferential to call time while there is still something to salvage.

Hello Stephen,

I look at it as the point in which any necessary change is made in life. A point of clarity. What makes us notice that our gambling actually IS a problem? I had a gambling debt of 3k that never moved for 11 years yet i gambled EVERYDAY all that time. I lost that time because i was in a zone of comfort. I could carry on without a care because it never felt like it was affecting me because i could afford the minimum credit card payments and that was enough. The debt didn't scare me and it didn't make me question what i was doing.

Once i maxed out my credit source, turned to family for money and started to get rejected loans then i was forced to question it. Was that rock bottom or my moment of clarity. Who knows but it was the point in which change was forced upon me.

Well done on 3 weeks. I hope you're feeling better about yourself each day.

Hey Steve good to see you doing better again and 22 days gamble-free is great,well done for not chasing whatever you lost 22 days ago,that shows real determination and courage not to bow down to the addiction.i agree completely with you about that saying 'rock bottom' I believe there is no such thing really I think if there is any relevance to it,it's just blowing all your money until every last Penney has gone and you don't know what to do anymore,maybe that's why people use it.anyways I'm happy to read your in good spirits again hope you continue to abstain and wish u good health for the foreseeable.

Thank you for posting on my diary sjwsjw & Sel, and congratulations on your good progress . I appreciate your encouragement and feedback.

Meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. Not seen her for ages so we can have a catch up. She is aware of my gambling issues so will be good to tell her I am abstaining.

Gambling urges come and go but I feel strong enough to ignore them. It does help to not carry much money around. I have sufficient on my Asda gift card for any shopping I might need, plus I carry £15 in my wallet. It's not enough to gamble with but will be handy to have should I need it.

Morning friends. Love and best wishes to anyone who is kind enough to visit my diary.

Just been reflecting on my solitary life as a gambling addict. A concerned friend asked me yesterday "Have you met anyone yet?" I pointed out that being single has it's good points. "No man is an Island," or so I've heard said, but I feel contented in my lonesome bed

Feeling secure in my battered cocoon ~ I dance to the stars & howl to the moon