Take 2 this times for real

Day 28....really stressed out at work - god why can't people just respond to a f*****g e-mail, it's not hard!!!!!!!!!!

Went to bed early last night and still feel shattered. Sick of this weather, pretty sick of everything at the minute just hope it doesn't lead to you know what. I don't think it will but I know its times like this that I am prone to falling off the wagon. Luckily I have no thoughts or urges and have no desire to go there ever again but I know that that can change at the click of my fingers!

August already - I know everyone will kill me for saying this but I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS! My favourite time of the year....I love love love it 🙂

Anyway, better get back to work. At least we're halfway through the week and the next 2 days should be a bit better.

Looking forward to getting to 30 days.

Hi shorty, been a while since i posted so just read through your july diary, well done you for once again coming through this with such a positive attitude, so pleased youve managed 30 days gamble free, i too hope that in 5 years time i can post on here still gamble free, my first bank statement arrived today with no gambling on it, im gonna frame it and everytime i feel the urge im gonna have a look to keep my spirits up, keep going, hope you survive your stressful week at work, take care and be strong sarah x

Thanks Sarah 🙂 really appreciate your post.

Wow day 30!!!!! I feel like I have got here really quickly, probably because it hasn't been much of a struggle and I have had hardly had any thoughts or urges. This is DEFINITELY progress. There has been the odd thought here and there but nothing strong enough to make me even look for a way to waste my money.

Had some EXCELLENT news this morning financially. A bill that I was expecting is no longer coming and will save me around £800!!! It's nice that something is going my way for a change!

Continue to battle with the debts. I feel optimistic most of the time....I think about how fast this year has gone and think that realisitically the next 3 years are going to fly by and then I will be debt free and able to live life to the full 🙂 my goodness I will shed a tear when the day actually arrives I know I will! And I will have a bloody big bottle of chamgpagne as well!!!!

A nice weekend planned, seeing family and friends 🙂

See you all on day 33.

Lots of Love

Shorty xxx

Hi Shorty,

Well done on 30 days gamble free 🙂

Ur determination shines thru, u r doing brilliant!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Have a gr8 day xx

Day 33...nothing like a family crisis to help you forget all about gambling. Luckily it's not me and my family but my sister....won't go into too many details on here but she is playing with fire and I just hope to goodness she doesn't end up losing everything 🙁 I really don't want her to carry on with what she is doing but she is the sort of person that if you try and give her some hard honest advise she feels like you are getting at her and I really don't want to fall out with her. I am just going to be here if she needs me and not ask any questions because I just don't have the mental strength at the minute to deal with it all.

Anyway, weekend was good had lots of company and enjoyed watching the Olympics. Spent a bit more money than I had wanted and I was a bit annoyed this morning but I thought....If I'd lost £60 whilst having a gambling blip i would have thought nothing of it! So at least I spent my money on doing something with my family 🙂

Definitely going to watch that documentary on Channel 4 tonight about bookies in the high streets, am sure it will be a real eye opener!

Day 34....watched that documentary last night. Thought it was pretty rubbish to be honest. What they really needed to do was pick some people from here to tell their stories of what happens when you fall into the gambling trap. They seemed to be more bothered about the fact that there were too many bookies on the streets rather than the effects it has on society!

So still no thoughts and no urges thank goodness, really feel like I've turned a corner this time (and I am aware I have said that before). Will have a big test next weekend when I am out on the town, will have to be on my guard BIG time as I know when I get drunk I normally end up in the casino. If I can get through that then I know that I am well and truly on the mend!!!

God I'm tired today zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 35....wow it feels good to be at day 35. Looking forward to my half a century in a couple of weeks! STILL going strong. Feel just as strong as I did in the first few days and long may this feeling continue.

I think that focusing less on the incomings and outgoings of my bank account has definitely helped. Before, I used to worry about every pound and if something unexpected came up it was a trigger for me because it was like I couldn't even buy myself lunch without thinking 'i shouldn't be spending this money'. Now I just spend what I need to spend. I am not someone who spends a lot on clothes or make up anyway and the way I live life is - if I need something I buy it. If I don't need it, it can wait until my debts are paid off. Previously if I needed something I would try and win money to get it for 'free'. A ridiculous way to live and I will not be going there again.

I have been sleeping really really deeply this week. I am having these really strange dreams where I am really disorganised (I am really organised in real life). Like last night I was going away for the weekend and I needed to leave work at 12pm. I didn't actually leave until 12.30pm and then I got to the airport late and realised that my passport was in my suitcase and not my handbag and i was faffing around like a mad person!!!! Would love to know what thats all about lol.

Anyway, best get back to work, this week is FLYING and I have lots I need to get done!

Hey shorty,

You go girl !!! It makes me smile reading your posts I remember feeling so sad when i read you post 35 days ago. Its amazing how changing the way you think about things has such a positive impact on our recovery and for me thats what this is all about, when we gamble we are dreamers we dont live in the real world but now we face things and we deal with them and make the small changes that will continue pushing us forward.

Keep going shorty your doing so well.

Blondie x

Thank Blondie...I definitely intent to 'go girl' lol!

I just read this and thought I would share it with you 🙂

'Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with £86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every pound, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is time. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens anew account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against 'tomorrow'. You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today'.

Hope you enjoy...thought it was very apt for us CG's!

Lots of Love

Shorty xxx

Day 36....nothing of any interest really to say today. I guess this is what it feels like to be 'normal'! Don't honestly believe I'll ever be normal but then again who is?!

A nice weekend planned, seeing family and friends again 🙂 going to a house party so it won't be too expensive either! This month is flying already, I can't believe how fast this year has gone and I am SO excited for Christmas already (I know a lot of you will want to hit me right now lol).

Won't be posting again until Monday so I will see you all on day 40!

Day 40 🙂 wow! Amazing - day 40. Can't believe it.

Was watching the closing cermony last night and someone said 'you don't achieve anything in life without sheer determination and guts' and that is what I am going to need to get over this addiction. From now on Sheer Determination And Guts are my middle names. I will not let this beat me again, I will beat this, I will be debt free at some point in the future and I will be a stronger person from having gone through this phase in my life.

Over and Out.

Shorty xxx

Hi Shorty,

Well done on 40 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant 🙂

It's soooo good 2 read how positive u r feeling 🙂

U can do this!

Stay strong and keep going xx

Day 41...thanks Charlotte 🙂

The daily grind is getting me down this week. Man do I hate having to get out of my bed in the morning!! But then I think how awful it would be if I had no job and was stuck in the house all day. I think I could cope with an 11am start and a 4pm finish lol. Maybe once my debts are paid off this could be an option!

Not much else to report. No thoughts no urges, don't want to speak too soon but I really feel like I've cracked it this time (fingers crossed). This weekend is going to be a BIG challenge. I reckon if I come out of this weekend unscathed I will have made real real progress.

Still have a long way to go, but the future is bright and I can see light at the end of the tunnel (even if it is a tiny white dot at the minute).

Onwards and upwards from now on for me. No more one step forward 3 steps back!

Day 42...not going to waffle on today. Not go much to report. Staying strong and that's all that matters 🙂 honestly don't think I could find time to gamble at the minute even if I wanted to WHICH I TOTALLY DO NOT 🙂

Day 43...woke up this morning and thought it was Tuesday was made up when I realised it was Thursday - the weekend is almost here and what an AMAZING weekend I have coming up 🙂 2 days of 5 star luxury!!!

Been thinking about all the things I can look forward to when I'm debt free. Strangely, not big things, small things like being able to afford to buy fresh flowers for the house (I love the smell of fresh flowers) and going food shopping without taking a calculator round with me! God - I can't wait for those days! Unfortunately those days are not round the corner just yet!!!

Am in a good place at the minute. Social life is really busy which is good as long as I don't spend too much! I need to have things to look forward to otherwise I get bored and that is definitely one of my triggers.

Anyway, off to get some brekkie down me.

Have a great day everyone 🙂 xxx