Take 2 this times for real

Day 16 today...still amazed at how I am literally having no thoughts at all at the minute. I was even in the house for a few hours alone last night and the laptop was there and I didn't even THINK about turning it on...I only realised this morning. Normally I'd be thinking 'oh I'll just have a quick £100 on the roulette...what does £100 matter when I'm in so much debt already'.

I honestly don't know what has happened to make me feel so free of it all. Was it really just down to getting completely screwed over by that last site I visited? Maybe. I've felt like I've been screwed over before (nowhere near as bad) but in a couple of days I've gotten over it and deposited again....but this is 16 days without me even having to really try.

Life is so much better. I beg all of you who are just starting out on your journey and feel like you are never going to feel like the bright, happy & bubbly person you once were to KNOW that you can go back. Even within the space of a few weeks the weight will lift...you will accept your debts and work out the best way for you to pay them back but in a way that you can still enjoy life.

Shorty xx

Hi shorty, I'm charlie and ive just joined this site. I just wanted to say thanks for all your posts and keeping us updated. I was upset when I saw you stopped posting for a week and informed the forum you had started gambling again but its fantastic that you got back on the right track and your going strong. I just hope I have the same strength as your self to give this up once and for all. The thing im worried about most (and maybe you can help ) is now the losses are fresh in my head its easier to not gamble, but in a few days time when ive forgoten about the losses , this is the hardest part as you think to yourself ' oh ill just do a little £50 bet and leave it there'. Man its so hard...

Day 17...still no problems, am starting to get a little bit suspicious at how easily I'm coping with this. I keep thinking the gambling devil is just waiting round the corner to catch me when I've let my guard down! To be honest even if he did I think I've put enough barriers in place now to not be able to place a bet. I do not carry my debit card around with me, keep it in my drawer at work. I only have cash and my credit card and I have only a limited amount on my credit card that I can use for cash withdrawals or gambling deposits and I have made sure that I have already made all the cash withdrawals I can for this month! Plus I have joined and self excluded from all mobile phone gaming sites that I could find! No laptop at home at the weekends so that access has gone too. Surely it must now be impossible for me to blip even if I did get the urge!!!

Keep up the good work people 🙂 xxx

Great stuff Shorty - keep it going !

So pleased that you are feeling suspicious about how easy you are finding this.

It is so important that we don't get complacent in this recovery journey.

Those horrible urges will come back when we least expect them and it really is up to us to make those right choices.

And you will!

Each day that you don't gamble is a day that you will have WON!

All the best,

GT

Well I was right and wrong yesterday...I was right in the fact that I should have been suspicious about the devil coming out and getting me and I was wrong in the fact that I couldn't find a site to deposit. I now also know exactly what my trigger is....unexpected outgoing of cash that was not accounted for in my monthly spreadsheet! So yesterday I found out i needed £100 for something I didn't have the money for...what did I do? I found a mobile phone site, registered, deposited BUT they gave me a deposit bonus and therefore I didnt want to play until I had it removed (not falling for that trick again) so now I'm still sat here waiting for the text message to come through to say that the bonus has been removed. So technically I haven't gambled but look how it all just fell apart in the space of a few hours. My mission now is to withdraw...exclude and spend the weekend searching every bloody site and self excluding as clearly there are more out there!!!

So at the minute today is day 18...god i hope i can just click the withdraw button 🙁

Day 4....did I cash out...dids I balls. It was inevitable. I hope people reading this can see how quickly your way of thinking can change. I felt like I was invincable this time last week and now look at me!!

The odd thing I find is, when I've had a loss I am the best person to be around!! I don't get it. You would think I would be the most miserable bad tempered person on the planet but I'm the complete opposite. Is it because I'm just this amazing actress?? Or is it that I think that 'who needs money when I have my wonderful family''??

I self excluded AGAIN...it took them FOUR DAYS to carry it out and I had to email them twice. I actually logged on today to check if they'd excluded me and they hadn't and I was so tempted to deposit but I didn't.

Feel like I have tried everything to beat this. Thought I'd put enough barriers in place, but I hadn't.

Definitely feelin pretty miserable. Not about the recent loss, just getting fed up of trying to quit I think! Have lost a bit of faith in myself 🙁

Anyway...payday tomorrow...going to pay off some debts, get some pressies bought in prep for xmas so I'm not short in december. Hoping that after I've done something useful with my money I might feel a bit perkier.

God this is hard.....sleep tight fellow CG's!

Shorty xxx

Maybe this is just my road to recovery...from CG that gambled nearly every day to binge gambler to no gambler...fingers crossed the bingeing faze is now over!!!!!

Those online gambling sites really don't have any values in life don't they? They are thieves, pure and simple. I can go on all day about how evil they are, daft bonuses, quick deposit, slow payout, unlimited bets, etc, etc....

I can see your point about your road to recovery, yes hopefully the binge gambling is gone and your o gambling run has now really started!

All the very best and stay strong, keep putting those blocks in place and keep making the right choices.

GT

Thanks GT...here's hoping!

Day 5....AGAIN!! Going round and round in circles at the minute!

Made more attempts to put barriers in place today. I always keep my debit card in my drawer at work and only take my credit card home...i thought this would limit my gambling (which it has in some respects) because there is only a maximum amount of cash you can deposit/withdraw in a month...I have requested that they remove this cash limit so that I can only pay by chip and pin. So that should be another wall in place. I have actually been really good at keeping my debit card at work...I think since I joined this site in May I have only had it with me one weekend and it was a weekend where I was going away and there was no change of gambling. So once the opportunity to use my credit card has gone surely I must have put enough barriers in place now?!?!

Anyway...payday today. No thoughts of gambling. Made a few payments, bought a few necessities, bank balance positive which is nice to see! Shame the loans and credit cards mean I am definitely in the negative for the next 4 years at least! In the grand scheme of things 4 years isn't that great and hopefully the pain and suffering of paying all the debt back will make me even less likely to deposit online again!!!

I really hope this is last bloody time I experience Day 5!!!!!! xxx

Hi Shorty,

Like a couple of bloody yo-yo's with this aren't we !!! Anyway, Day 5 good stuff, Day 7 for me - 12 days combined when it should be about 250 if we'd given up when we said we would way back in May.

It's d**n hard, but it has to end sometime. It simply can't go on. Bet by bet, wealth, well-being, family, career, job, friends etc etc etc etc etc, basically, anything good in life, anything which should prosper and grow will slowly but surely ebb away. We're both in a position we're we can just about manage financially, overpaying a little bit and seeing those debts decrease. But in 10 years time, can you see yourself being a gambler ?

Your on Day5, so the fact you haven't gambled in 5 days means that already you're heading the right direction. We'll be a combined 200days gamble-free by 1st Jan 2012 !!

Hi Michael...yeah we're definitely taking the scenic route with this haha!! Nice to still have a sense of humour about it though! Would not have been laughing back in May!

Well day 6 today. Got a message back from my CC company saying that they can not set the cash withdrawal limit to zero ffs! Errrrr why not?! So now I have 2 options....I can try and rely on willpower alone (probably not a good idea yet) or I can withdraw all the cash I can at the beginning of the month and pay it straight back in again so that I can't make any more cash deposits for the rest of the month. My cash limit is £1500 and I can only withdraw £300 a day so will be a 5 day mission! I will get a £45 charge for doing this but paying £45 a month to save probably hundreds and hundreds is probably the best option!!

Barriers barriers barriers!!! That's all I seem to think about at the minute!! I just thank my lucky stars that I don't know my debit card number off by heart (which I used to).

Been keeping nice and busy. Have been out doing the garden the past 2 nights seen as the weather is nice. Got some serious weeds to get rid off. Off food shopping tonight and then hopefully the weather will be nice again at the weekend so I can finish the garden off!

Ebaying lots of stuff at the miunte...hoping to get £100+ which I'll put away for xmas. It's my 30th in december and have asked my mum and dad for money for my bday and xmas so I can pay the rest of the holiday off so I don't have to worry about that. Can not wait to get away next year for 10 whole days in the sun 🙂 Before I was always making excuses about how we couldn't afford to go away...well not anymore. If I can waste thousands on roulette I can spend money on a holiday that my family will enjoy. And they deserve it.

Can I just also say that I have been reading the most amazing diary...check out the diary written by KRS...he also has a great post in the new members forum. An absolutely unbelieveable read xx

Day 7...another first week completed! Feelin a lot better then I did last week when I had my last loss.

Have been paid, bank balance looking nice and healthy, debts for the month paid, just have to try and not lose anymore money. Can not afford to with xmas coming up.

Going out for dinner tonight, just a cheap meal in the sun with a bottle of wine with my husband and little girl. Can't wait. Things also seem so much more optimistic when the sun is out!

Not happy about the fact that my CC company won't restrict my access to cash deposits. It's the 1st of the month tomorrow so I need to decide if I'm going to try and use willpower or withdraw it all out so the temptation is removed.

Will post again on Monday...hopefully I'll be on day 10. No....I WILL be on Day 10!! xxx

But if you withdraw any CC money, don't you have to pay a fee? Not a good idea, me thinks.

Now what you really need to do is to get through this payday month without throwing any of it away.

Get through that and you'll get through anything!

All the best,

GT

Day 9...almost made it through the weekend. Have had many many thoughts of gambling and am surviving on willpower alone. Have been getting some Xmas presents sorted and spent quite a bit of money and the thought of getting them for 'free' has been strong. How ridiculous. When have I ever gotten anything for free through gambling?!?! They have stolen thousands from me!!

Really wish the urges would B*****r off had enough of them for one day 🙁 xxx