Take 2 this times for real

Have had a hurrendous few days. Not massive losses but constant playing/thinking/stressing. I feel like a proper drug addict today...got the shakes and my head is just away with the fairies. Feel just as bad as I did when I first posted in May 🙁

I don't know why but at the minute I feel like the only way out of all this debt is to gamble my way out of it but I KNOW that I can not stop at the right time in order for me to pay the debts off. I just keep going and going til there's nothing left.

Have pretty much now joined and excluded from every mobile casino...spent all this morning going through the first 4 pages of google and checking that I can not access any of them.

Not eating, not sleeping well. really need to sort my head out. I know that after a few days of not gambling I'll start to feel a bit more normal.

This is so much harder than I thought it would be. How did I manage to go 30 odd days when I first joined and now I can barely get into double figures. Am so disappointed in myself. I really feel like I need to talk to someone but I just can't bring myself to let everyone down 🙁 xx

Dear Shorty....I thought it was time that I wrote you a letter so that when you are feeling low or you get an urge to gamble you can read this first and hopefully it will put things in perspective.

Where do I start?! You have been living a ridicuous, secretive life for the past 4 years and it has got to come to an end. You are worrying so much about the debts that you are not making the most of your little girl and amazing husband and that smile that you mask your true feelings with is going to fade if you do not act now.

People say that no one has the perfect life. Everyone has something that they would change. If you weren't gambling you would have the perfect life! You have everything that most people dream of. Your own house, a wonderful husband a gorgeous little girl that is so happy and asks for nothing but love and attention. You are spoiling it all by WASTING your time playing these stupid games that are devised to STEAL your money! Yes it is possible to win but you never win because you never cash out when you should have done.

I know you feel like there is something missing when you can't have a bet but this will fade in time, you have managed over 30 days before and you know that time is a great healer. You also know that you only need to get to the end of Feb 2012 and the finances will be a lot better as one of the loans will be paid off and you will get your annual bonus. Focus on this date. Don't focus on being debt free in 5 years its too far down the line. You have already paid for the holiday next year so you KNOW you are going to have some quality time with your family. No more excuses that you can't go away because you can't afford it. Maybe you could have paid a bit off the debt instead of going away but in order to be happy in your recovery you must learn to be able to live. Don't make excuses not to go out because funds are tight...go out on a budget. I bet if you felt like it you could find £300 to gamble...so why not just spend £50 and go out for a few drinks??

Shorty, you can have it all. You have just had a minor blip in this long old journey they call life. You have had a vital 4 year lesson and the next 4 years of paying back debts will make you appreciate money so much more. Can you imagine that first month when you have no debts and you can book that surprise weekend away for you and your husband. Imagine his face when you tell him he's not going to work...that you have spoken to his boss and arranged for him to have some time off so you could take him away for a few days. And you will be able to do that...in one month, without even having to save! That is how much debt you are paying back each month! CRAZINESS! Please tell me that you would rather be jetting off on a romantic weekend every few months than wasting time and money online?!?!

Like I said, a minor blip in this long life.

The morning of Tuesday 4th Oct will be the last date that you place a bet. If not you will lose everything and everyone you ever cared about and that is the truth.

I love you...look after yourself and be STRONG xxxxxx

Thanks for your post, its always good to know that you are not alone in this gambling thing., Today I have met with a very good friend and I have confided in her and given her my one and only credit card so it is not possible for me to draw any cash from atm on it, so maybe that is at least a tiny step in the right direction. Hope that today is going well for you, tc. Juliette999

Day 1 (as I did bet yesterday morning before I wrote my last post).

Felt ridiculously upbeat when I was getting ready for work this morning and now I'm actually in work I feel tired and sad and just want to go home! Not sure if the last couple of weeks are to blame or I just can't be @rsed with work?!

Glad I wrote that letter to myself yesterday. I think the whole point of these diaries is that you are able to look back at how good/bad you were feeling but sometimes time does not allow us to be able to read back through every page...so that is going to be my one page I turn to if I need some inspirational words!

Have been thinking alot about the debt as usual...yesterday I was pretty set on getting to April and then getting a consolidation loan but that would add 3 years onto me being debt free so I have decided to suck it up and stick at it. I think the middle of next year will be a lot easier financially and I can start making a few overpayments on my loan to get it paid off faster. The thought of extending these loan repayments is so depressing I just can't do it even though it would make each month a bit easier.

So all in all feeling relatively positive. No urges whatsoever and deep down I feel like this is my time to kick this b!tches @ss. Really want to start buidling the days up now so over the next few weeks might just read some diaries and post here when I need to or when I'm into double figures. Typing day 2, 3, 4 is quite depressing, I need to get some serious time under my belt to give me the boost I need.

Have a Great Day Everyone

Love Shorty xx

Have been looking into hypnotherapy this afternoon...I think that if I fall off the wagon this time I am definitely going to give this a go. Anyone ever tried this?

Had a great night out with the hubby last night...and spent £9! Amazing how little you need to spend to enjoy yourself (as long as you look out for good offers!).

Day 2 today. Feeling really ready to kick this this time. Just read the diary of someone who posted today that he was debt free after 17 months of no betting. That's what I want to be doing (might not be as soon as 17 months but if i stick to it this time in 17 months I will be miles ahead of where I am now!).

I have worked out that I pay off £720 a month off my debts. That's a clean £720 off and includes all interest charges, so I'm going to try and be a bit less hard on myself, if I have to put £50 on the credit card for something that comes up unexpectedly its not the end of the world cos I will still have cleared £670! Can you imagine the day when I actually have that £720 in my hand! I could book a holiday every month of the year!!

trying to take this one day at a time. I read a fantastic post yesterday that really helped me focus on the here and now and not worry about next week, next month, next year. I will post it so you can all have a read. Hope it helps you too.

Shorty xx

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its blunders, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only; one day - TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and i add the burdens of these two awful eternities - yesterday and tomorrow - that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

One day at a time mate you can do this

Hi

I am nearly 50 please don`t get in the same position as me two great kids lovely husband who knows nothing about my 100k debt . Keep strong and post and read the forum everyday that is what gives me my reality check and why i don`t want to gamble again and i loved your letter to your self i have penned many of them and leaving letters etc .xx

Thanks badgirl...i really feel for you. I've got about 40k to pay back, I just couldn't imagine being 100k in debt but I bet you if I carried on it would be pretty easy!!! There have been so many times when I've had a glass of wine and almost told my husband but I just can't. At the minute I know I can just get by each month and unless it becomes hopeless I want to protect him. I don't want him to have to worry about me going off and spending money every day!

I just had the most interesting chat with a guy I work with. he's the same age as me, baby on the way, he earns about the same as me. He's paying £800 a month off towards his debt! What did he spend all that money on? Nights out, holidays, presents etc etc. I have to say it made me feel slightly better about my situation. I know that I have a ridiculous amount of debt but not all of it is from gambling...in the last 4 years i have bought a house, got married and had a baby and I have also taken on my husbands debts to get rid of high interest rates, so really, if I think about it its not as bad as I first thought. Don't get me wrong I'm still in a risky, stressful place but that chat just made me realise that this guy is in all that debt...he hasn't bought a house, he hasn't got married and he has yet to have his baby! I think for my age (29) I have achieved a lot already and if I can clear all this debt by 34 just think how amazing the rest of my 30's and 40's will be!

Onwards and upwards!!xx

Day 3...one thought of gambling today but wouldn't even call it an urge. Going strong...xx

Day 4...determined to get through the weekend as this is where I fell off the wagon last weekend NOT going to allow myself to get bored going to keep busy busy busy. Going round to friends house for a few drinks tonight, nice cheap weekend 🙂

No thought no urges don't really feel anything at the minute but have felt this way before n blipped. Have to have eyes on the back of ur head with this addiction!!!

Have a great weekend 🙂 xxx

Well done, keep up the good work, know what you mean about feeling really positive one minute then just slip slidding back into it. Hope your weekend is good. Juliette

You have a great weekend too...

...gamble-free of course!

GT

Day 5 (is that all?!)...it's funny how when you're poorly the thoughts of debts and gambling are zero...have been feeling so rough today and I couldn't have attempted to worry about anything...is it possible to stay rough for the next 4 years til my debts are paid off lol?!?

Weekend almost in the bag looking forward to an early night and snuggles with my family...you know that's my favourite thing and how much does it cost? NOTHING 🙂 xxx