Take 2 this times for real

You are not back at the begining, cause you have taken the step to come on here, admit there is a problem and taken steps to deal with it, so you are not back at the begining, now stop beating yourself up about the slip up and get on with your recovery, you can do it, so just keep that positive head on. OK?

Hi Shorty - Just slip, that's all. Ok, it's only 2 days from your last gamble, but you're certainly not back to square 1. You've come a long way since your first post in May, so don't beat yourself up too much about the latest slip. Just get back wagon, and keep focussing on beating this, and you will.

Thanks for your posts guys...I know I have made progress since I joined in May I'm just sick of these little potholes that keep ruining it!

Day 3....definitely down in the dumps today but to be expected I suppose. Am officially grounding myself until December so that I can pay back the losses from the weekend. I know people say that it's important to not focus on the debts and to make sure you have a life but up until xmas I am on a spending ban!!!

I will not make the mistake I made at the weekend. I'm really P!ssed off because my issue is with online gambling...not the actual casino. I would never go to a casino on my own its literally just a social thing but its a social thing that can be no more. Am so lucky that my hubby is also in agreement with this as he goes a little crazy when he's had a drink.

Anyway, pay day next Friday. Have enough money to get me through until then and then its operation budget for the whole of November!!! The dark nights and cold weather make it a lot easier to stay in and watch x-factor!

Lots of Love Shorty xxx

Hi Shorty

I am not going back to day 1 after my slip on Friday i would find that too depressing. I think it was just a small wave in the storm that we have to ride, i don`t even know what day i am on, i just know that i am doing ok, and i think you are doing really well, so keep it up. xx

Hi Shorty

What has happened has happened....you can't turn back time and change it. What you can do is use that blip to strengthen your guard against gambling. You've identified pretty much straight away why it happened. And the fact that it wasn't your idea to go to the casino tells me that you're not back to square one at all.

Be positive and be strong.....and don't beat yourself up over it!

We're all here to support each other.

Trev

Hi ,

I'm an old school gambler and hit the casinos, racetracks, etc. ususally. I've never been a huge fan of online gambling gambling sites before but never joined, only played for free. If I am correct, you tend to gamble online through a computer or via your mobile phone? I have two suggestions I don't know if you've tried?

1) it should be pretty easy to exclude all types of gaming sites through the use of a firewall (the annoying kind you see implemented at work, for example in a government office, which restricts access to certain 'non-productive' websites) not sure if you've worked a way around it but. An IT department person/administrator can probably help to install on all your computers/laptops and password protect it so that users cannot change the settings.

2) as for mobile phone gambling, simple, switch your cellphone to one of the most basic phones (non-smartphones) that are still available, like nokia, that have very small screens and no access to data plans. Opt for a non-data monthly plan, ie only calls and messaging. That way you get no access to the internet via cellphone, and don;t pay as much per month on the cell phone use. And no more mobile phone gambling.

I hope its clear what I'm trying to point out.

Another suggestion I've thought about is to find a job in China haha, where there are no casinos.

Best,

KC

Hi KC...thanks for the advice. I don't have the laptop in the house anymore so thats not a problem. I have to say that the mobile phone suggestion is a good one but I do use my phone for everything as I don't have the laptop, e bay, face book etc etc. To be honest it has been 2 weeks now since I gambled on my phone and there is no urge there whatsoever. I really do think if I hadn't gone out on Friday night I would be on day 14 now but a stupid drunken slip up has spoiled that.

So Day 4 today....still down in the dumps. Very tired. My car has gone in the garage and I'm hoping its not going to cost a fortune. I have decided that I can only control what happens today...if I can make it through a day at a time I will be happy. I have deleted my huge financial spreadsheet that forecast the next 6 months...whats the point? I can not control what extra bills land on my doorstep each month and stressing and worrying about a spreadsheet is frankly ruining my life (as well as the gambling). I am not going to obsess about my bank balance or how much extra I can pay off my credit card. I clear £700 a month off my debts...why am I stressing about paying anymore? I think about all those people out there who can't get a job, have lost their house...I'm nowhere near that point and I should be grateful that I can afford to pay all my bills and have a bit of money to go out for a couple of meals each month.

Today is the first day in about 4 years I haven't come straight into work and logged onto my online banking to check the balance. I feel like I am completely obsessed with money...I don't think it's even the gambling, it's actually the money!!

I wish I could just sleep for the next 4 years and wake up and this all be over.

Man I am depressed today where has all that positivity from last week gone? Down the frickin toilet. 🙁

Love Shorty xx

Savings made today:

£8 a month on hubbys phone bill from him renewing his old contract.

£19.50 a month on contact lenses (I' don't wear them all the time and am just going to order them off the internet as and when rather than committing to them each month).

£10 a month off the Sky bill...actually phoned up to cancel movies, sports and just have the basic package and they gave me my current package for a knock down price! Amazing what you can achieve in just one phonecall.

So every little helps! Going to have a look at maybe moving house insurance if I can get a better deal and next month I will be another £17 a month better off as my washing machine repair payment comes to an end.

Every little helps and all that! Can feel the positivity creeping back in now 🙂 xx

Amazing, isn't it? One minute we're prostrating on the floor with glee because we've saved 20p in Tesco's on a two-for-one...and a few days/weeks ago we were shovelling money by the thousands into our preferred black hole (online BJ and slots for me).

I've been following your diary, and I hope I can absorb some of your positivity. You were very hard on yourself with the recent casino visit, I felt. Yes, it was a blip, but the 'rules' around what you can and can't do outside your core and problem gambling are very grey, I feel. There's lots of people on here that are against all forms of gambling, even a lottery ticket or quiz machine in a pub. That's fine if it works for them, but to my mind it's when the monster bites that's the problem. You were with friends who went for a night out...you gambled but you didn't go on a blow-out...you were, in fact, like a 'normal' person - but you can't do it again because you're a compulsive gambler. This time, though, you got away with it, so don't be so hard on yourself!

mm

Shorty,

I echo milkman's sentiments on point 1. A few months ago, I was shovelling £100 bets on Blackjack without a thought, but then walk home from work to save a £4 bus fare !!! It just goes to show how Gambling affects the most sane of minds, it captures us in a world a million miles from real-life, then takes our money, and when we finally wake up from the trance, we realise another few grand has been lost.

Glad to see that you had a positive day today even though you probably still don't feel like it. After all, those early days of the recovery journey are always the most challenging.

But you will get through them and life WILL get better. Just don't gamble!

I do remember the good old days before I got myself into this silly mess when I rarely checked my bank account and had stupid amounts going out each month like magazines that I never read.

When we all recover from this (and we WILL!), just think how savvy we will be with our new found wealth.

GT

Thanks GT. Really appreciate your post. It definitely seems easier when you get posts of support from people 🙂

Day 5...seems to be going faster this time thank goodness. Again my aim is to get to 10 days!! And NOT mess it up this time. So all I have to do is make it through the weekend and I will be back on double figures.

Think I've managed to save another £16 a month moving my house insurance! Just got to check that I can cancel my current policy before I sign up to the new one. So in the last 2 days I've made £54 a month savings!

Very stressed about my car, going to cost more than I'd hoped I think 🙁 it's still in the garage, probably won't get it back until tomorrow now. Typical that just as the horrible weather kicks in I have to walk 2 miles home thanks to being carless!!

Still not back to a positive state of mind. Hopefully once the car is sorted and I get through the weekend I will be back to my usual self next week. Plus its payday next Friday 🙂

Have a good day everyone xx

Day 6...busy busy busy not even got time to think about you know what, or debts! This is the sort of work I like, when you have no time to focus on the bad things that are going on!

Anyway, car fixed, £80 in total. Suppose it could have been worse. Currently selling a few bits and pieces on e b a y which should make up for last weekends night out. Will feel much better once I can say that I've paid that blip off. Things looking up, my hubby got a bit of overtime so that's going to help make a couple of overpayments next month. Still haven't ressurected my 6 month financial plan (which I normally would have done by now) and feeling a lot happier taking things day by day and not worrying about next week, month, year!

Looking forward to a nice quiet weekend with a cheap bottle of plonk infront of the TV. It's getting so cold now, I'll be happy to be at home with the heating blasting snuggled up on the sofa! No need for expensive nights out when the weather is like this (thank goodness!).

Can't wait to get the xmas tree up lol! Bit early I know but I just love it 🙂 xx

Hi, Just been having a read of your diary, you seem to be sounding really positive, good that you got your car sorted out, guess the walk of 2 miles saved you some fuel money too. Hope you enjoy your quiet weekend, sounds good to me, dont know where you are but hear it is getting really cold, I drove home from work just after midnight and it was only 1 degree then, dont know what it will be tonight when i come home as dont finish till 2 am, lol, get the defroster out me thinks, keep strong, tc

Day 7...have to get past day 10 am so sick of reliving these single days!!

Things are OK. Not as down in the dumps as I have been the last few days. Got my car back and planning on a nice quiet weekend and I am 100% positive that I shall safely make it to day 10 without another blip!! More determined than ever now as am still P!ssed off about last Friday. Stupid stupid alcohol!!! Luckily for me I'm not planning on going out again (apart from the occasional meal) until December so another silly slip up like last week should not be on the cards!!!

So happy its Friday! Going to treat myself to a nice lunch today, have been making a packed lunch all week but today I'm going to buy myself something nice!

Have wonderful weekend everyone...I'll see you all on Day 10!!!!!xxx