taking my life back

mark and jim

thank you 🙂 feels so good to be living my life.

smoking...good for you jim...5 5 5 5 5 5 5 🙂

well...I have just started reading the book the easy way to stop smoking by allen carr...was recommended to me by someone who read the book, then quit.

back of book says:

you will not need willpower

you will not gain weight

you will not feel deprived

you'll need no gimmicks or substitutes.

you'll lose your fear of withdrawal pangs.

says the book removes the pstchological need to smoke.

I have just begun the book.

I'll let you know how it goes 🙂

good luck to you peg. think his book makes a lot of sense, but you also have to be ready to quit at the same time.

keep up your good work, and it was good to talk to you this afternoon, sorry it was so short

carol

xx

Hi Peg,

Thank you for your words to me on jinxys diary. Sometimes i wish i had a diary or some 'space' to write on here, to communicate with others, rather than just posting replies.

How are you finding the book peg? It is one i 'looked' into purchasing a few months ago, very good reviews.

Anyway..hows things going for you on the gambling front?

Your posts are always of great interest to me, your thoughts are so similar to Jims..are you sure that you are not related? lol

You seem to of picked up from your funk and thinking about stopping smoking is such another big step forward in your life.

Onwards and Upwards peg, such an exciting world to discover.

Take care

Jackie x

Hi peg

hope you're ok. thanks for the post on my diary, you gave me something to think about - as always 🙂

happy easter ((peg)), claire xx

Hello Peg,

Just checking in I am 24 days gamble free and my last bet was March 16, 2007

In regards to the smoking replies.

I quit smoking years ago. I smoked about two to three packs a day from age 13 to 27. I cut back slowly and it was similar to gambling in that when I smoked I was always borrowing money as I spent all my money on cigs. When I quit I didn't have to borrow money. It wasn't until a few years later when I started my gambling career(lol) that I started borrowing money and the fear and anxiety started to come back again.

Mark

carol-ann..you're so right..have to be ready to quit...i've wanted to quit for a long time...or, rather, I wanted to WANT to quit...not really the same thing 🙁

we'll see how it goes.

(((Jac))) I agree...would be nice if you guys had a 'space'... am thinking...you know...YOU are in recovery too...in a different way than we are..but since Gamcare is for both the cg and those of you who are supporting a cg...having a recovery diary here might be something that is helpful to you AND to new ones that are here to support their loved ones...hmmm...just something for you to think about...

of course...you aren't in the depths of your pain anymore...truly...i think that the best diaries are the ones that start out there...so that we can see the difference...where we've been...how far we've come...

ya know...in 2002, when I first told my husband about my problem..it was in a letter...i wrote it on an old pc...the pc is still upstairs..think i will do that soon....pull up that document...my...what a horrific day that was... a horrific TIME in my life..the weeks leading up to it..knowing it was inevitable..and then..the day had arrived.

rambling here...I am thinking that many people would benefit from a diary from the 'partner' perspective.

?

((claire))...something to think about, indeed... Honesty, Openmindedness, Willingness. 🙂

((Mark)) smoking is similar to gambling in so many ways...am hoping that all of the recent learning that i've done with regards to addiction can help me on both fronts 🙂

Was a slow Easter..attended Mass..hung around the house..just the four of us.

Peaceful.

No desire to gamble today 🙂

Hi (((peg)))

thanks for posting on my diary.

Peaceful

sounds good to me peg, as i recall and looking back on both our diaries - life was anything but peaceful when we were gambling. chaos and angst come to mind!

i like peaceful - not all the time tho - i am a bit of a party girl 🙂

take care peg, claire xxx

Enough is enough.

My dad was a compulsive gambler, he suffered from depression a lot and died early at the age of 51. It was a shock because he looked young for his age. I've always been determined that i wouldn't follow in his footsteps, but i have. I've realised recently that i must cut down my gambling, but what i must do is stop! This evening i deposited £10 into a new betting site and lost it in mins. Not even sure if i have the money in the bank to cover it so i'm expecting some bank fees in the post. I suffer from anxiety and depression too and have never been able to fulfill my potential in life. I'm sure the constant circle of losing must have something to do with that. I want to be happy and i believe that life could be beautiful. I want a good relationship, but you can't have it if gambling is your life. I MUST stop! When i have done in the past the devil on my shoulder tells me it's my treat in life. What else have i got? i don't smoke, rarely go out etc. But this is kust stupid. Handing my wages over month after month, year after year. My dad ended up with nothing. In fact his legacy to his family was unpaid bills. Do i want to follow in his footsteps? Surely i have all the inspiration in the world for everything i've seen. Addiction is a terrible thing when you know it's foolish but you just can't stop yourself. Well, i'm going to try again bacause this can't go on like this. I've decided that gamblock is the next step. Does anyone know how much it costs? I'm going to let you all know how i'm getting on in the hope that my journey will give you all hope.

((((claire)))))

being a party-girl and having peace of mind are not necessarily mutually exclusive 🙂

glad you're having fun girlie...you deserve your life!!!

((((((canterburymale)))))

welcome.

sorry about your dad...you know the effects of gambling addictions from several perspectives.

the good news is..there is HOPE.

you do not have to do this alone..

gamblock is a great thing to do for yourself..i am not sure how much it costs...but i imagine it's a lot less than an evening gambling 🙂

glad you're here.

xoxoxox

Hi Peg

http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/tugofwar.php

thank you ((kim))

i slept for a few hours today..am feeling a bit better.

it is just so disturbing when i don't know what's wrong...but when everything in my world is good and I want to cry??

and i just went through this two weeks ago?

i am really hoping that this *IS* somehow related to recovery..and it's *NOT* just a part of being human...perhaps..if it is recovery related..it is just a phase 🙂

Kim - I couldn't find the program this morning (found the broadcast...just couldnt get to the right station?? I guess)...but carol-ann sent me the link this afternoon...thanks to both of you for that!

well...today wasn't wonderful...but, it really wasn't so bad...there was no crisis...I didn't throw a bunch of money away...didn't write checks I couldn't cover...didn't show up late to pick up my kiddo's...didn't get snappy with anyone because I was angry at myself..I didn't have to take that horrible drive home...

I did not gamble today...and THAT makes it a good day.

xoxoxo

Hey Peg,

Just a quick note to say hi. How is the quit smoking coming along?

I have 31 days today. But, I am glad I came on gamcare as the urge to gamble today(saturday) has been strong. I am resisting it though. I wrote a little on my diary but boy it's been tough. I am hanging in there though. I can't afford to go and I am so tired of the stress of not paying bills, phone calls etc., I want to stop. Anyway, just a note to let you know what's up and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. If you get a chance could you e=mail me the name of the other web site with the online chat. I need to go there tonight and talk. I need support. I am seeing one positive out of this though. Is that in the past even when I went to GA I would not call people. I would not call family, friends, ga members etc and just go to casino secretly. But, this time I am shouting it out over the internet that I am having urges to gamble and I think it's actually helping me to get a grip here. Anyway, sorry to take up so much of your journal with my issues. Email me will you with the other web site.

Talk soon

Mark

(((((((Mark)))))))

ya know...the internet does the same thing for me...I have never, ever used the g.a. phone list...i don't want to bother anyone..take them away from their family, whatever...but if i come online? anyone who is here has the time and the inclination to be here 🙂

nice.

haven't stopped smoking yet mark...gearing up for it, though 🙂

(((((dreenie)))))

you don't have a diary...the url that you asked for is

www.sfcghub.com

Hi Peg, hope you are feeling better today. I do think wanting to cry and yet having no real reason is part of our recovery, as normally when we had a down day in our lives we would have gambled to give us that high. When we havent got that, there is a void that other people who dont gamble, fill with more worthwhile highs. This is what I want to achieve again.

I dont think gambling is evil in one way, its just that it feeds of our weaknesses. It has been around for centuries and it seems to be the one thing we as humans have never seemed to want to have discarded. So I do think is part of the human makeup. However, it is when we let it get out of control that it causes a problem. and some, like you and all of us on here, realise we cannot gamble sensibly and the only way we will ever lead normal lives without the worry etc is to give it up completely. As at the end of the day there are so many better things to do in life than stare at flashing lights and see our money frittered away.

Thank you for taking an interest in my diary, much appreciated, and I hope we can support each other. Joy x

Thank you ((Joy))..I think you're right...gamblers anonymous says this is an emotional disease...guess my emotions are just ..hmmm... needing to be addressed?

anyway

had a conversation with a dr. that deals in gambling addiction and discovered something new...

I *know* that this is true for me...and based on things that others have said, I imagine that others can relate as well...

I have always been successful...I do not stop..I don't give up..I am smart, I am determined...I can DO this (whatever it is).....so I was unwilling to accept the loss...I have often said that, for me, it wasn't about the money...but every once in a while...i say or type things that confuse me on that subject....but I really think that is it...I AM NOT A QUITTER!! For me..it wasn't really that I wanted to win MONEY...or didn't want to LOSE money...I didn't want to lose..period...ever, at anything.

love to all