taking my life back

(((Peg))))

2 years on - YOU got where you are today by putting your whole self into recovery, 1 day 2 days 1 year & 2 years 20 year they are your days and your years, you have worked your a** of done what you had to do..

Pain, tears, joy and laughter but each day I know that you smile at who you are but most importantly smiling that you know who you are , nobody else, no falseness, no lies no deceit, awarenss --- so a big high 5 to you, not just for not gambling, that i think is kinda of the easy bit its the living your life, being you, take a bow my friend xx

Its a funny old world when i first found this site I was no way could I do what you was doing, no way absoloutley not a chance - but here I am being me and feel yep it can be done and in your words it is definately do-able (lol how do you spell that?)

Recovery is recovery for life and am so glad that you are in this for life.. awareness of other pottential dangers - how wonderfull to be able to see and listen to our heart - that is priceless xx

I think what I am trying to say in a Lucy round about way is that it is a journey of discovery - love being on this journey with you xx

Love & Hugs

Lucy

xxx

Hi Peg,

I echo other peoples comments.. congratulations on your two years and more.. gambling FREE. It is an acheivemnt to be proud of.. 🙂

As you say yourself... the principle of one day at a time.. can and does work. It is working for me. I am now 162 days free. Previous to that I had managed 3 years.. but I had long since stopped working my recovery and eventually I succumbed and trust me it was the same as if i had never been away.

Keep working your recovery.. as i will mine...the shadow of compulsive gambling never entirely goes.. whatever is working for you now keep doing it.. as i shall keep doing what is working for me.

Regards to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

(((Peg)))

222222TWO YEARS222222

Isn't it great... your life, now... rather than back then.

You did that Peg, you chose your path towards a happier life, a more fulfilling one with you in control of your choices. It takes commitment to get to where you are.

Now you have that control of 'you', it will give you the strength to deal with other issues that may challenge you in your life.

So here you are... 2 years into your new life... a fantastic foundation to build on my dear friend, for you and those you love.

Yet you still give time for others to start on their own journeys. You are a special lady Peg. Thank you.

Love & Hugs

Jackie x

Hi Peg

How are you doing?

Hope all is well with you 🙂

Take care

Wxxx

I pop in from time to time and read for a few minutes....but honestly, any free time at all, these days, is a luxury....I don't spend much time on the pc at all.

thank you (((W)))) for your recent entry in my diary...

geez...and for the congrats on my 2 2 2 2 2 2

almost time to celebrate again 🙂

when I first arrived here at gamcare, i spent many hours a day here......

i'd try to answer every newcomer's post.....i remember how alone i felt when i couldn't stop...and how, when i'd first post someplace, i'd sit waiting and waiting for someone to respond to me.

i hated that feeling...the alone-ness...and the feeling that things would never get better..that i could not break free...

i thought my life would always be like it was.

or worse.

finding gamcare and safe harbor changed my life.

for months...i spent 15-20 hours a day on this pc...i barely slept.

i remember thinking...and many people implying (and a few outright saying to me) that i had transferred addictions....that i was spending too much time online.

too much for whom?

i've seen lots of people post about that...saying things like...

"well i haven't gambled in a few months but i'm spending way too much time here at gamcare, I need to break this habit...."

and I'm not saying that they're wrong......but....while this may have LOOKED like a replacement addiction for me.....it was actually a miracle of sorts.

i spent many months....over a year....trying to learn everything i could about addiction and recovery...

i learned a lot.

a lot still confuses me.

i know that i am better when i find a few minutes in my day for some quiet time.....to still my mind...relax.

i know that i am better when i am growing....learning...

i know that i am better when i am in contact with other friends in recovery...and when i am blogging...

yeah..sometimes i am better than others.....

and sometimes....even apart from gambling...life is hard....painful.....

but things are never as bad as they would be if i found myself back in 'action'....

i rarely think about it anymore at all.

of course...sometimes things happen....we were recently on vacation with two other couples...in another country...and the couple who lives there made all of the arrangements....our last night there, we were moving to a different city.... our host is speaking (in spanish) to the driver...

blah blah blah blah casino blah blah blah

yeah...it was a gorgeous place...brand new...awesome....but it wouldn't have been my first pick.

so it never really goes away.

i don't worry about it...

rarely think about it at all....

nearly three years have gone by.....and i'm sure i don't wanna gamble again.

there are many reasons I don't wanna start...but the biggest...most important reason....is...for someone like me.....

it is so so so hard to stop.

never wanna have to stop again.....

love to each of you.....

you can do this....

you deserve your life.....

you are not alone.

love,

peg

lovely post peg, and well done

Peg my friend! Seems so long since we both talked. Yes hours and hours spent in Safe Harbor. Hey but look at us now. I am coming up to 4 years totally gamble free. Even quit my 30 a day smoking habit. Hope you are all doing OK down there in Dixie. Have many happy memories of the Southern States.

Hi Peg,

An inspirational post.. thankyou for sharing.. and of course well done on your gambling free time! 🙂

Likewise I have been reading and posting on here for a long time and I too have wondered whether there is such a thing as addiction to recovery forums. But my experience is that it has been wholly positive. When i am on the site I am learning, I am thinking and refelcting on my own journey as well as through the experinces of others.

When I was gambling I was "zoning" out. I don't do that on here. I shall continue to read and post as my recovery dictates, even if m diary ends up 10,000 replies long lol. It helps me to keep away from gambling. My addiction still has the capacity to bring me to my knees if I allow it to. Sites like this help me to keep safe from myself.

All the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

Hi Peg

Just wanted to bump up your diary because it inspired me so much along the way.

A very happy 2010 to you.

love

W x

Hello everyone...

((W))

it's been a long time....

my life has been so busy.

oh...it's always busy...always has been (except for the first few months after I quit gambling).. there was a big NULL in my life them...empty space ... because I had been spending ALL of my time gambling...when i stopped gambling....nothing....

i spent time here...and at safe harbor..... and learned how to get well....

listening to people's stories....people who had been where i was...but managed to free themselves from the madness.

there are different ways to do this...

to break free....and I suppose whether or not you have a 'gambling problem' or have developed an addiction to it (like I have) can make a difference in what is necessary to be ok again....

but...I think....there is a difference between 'stopping gambling' and 'being ok'...

to be ok, of course, i had to stop gambling...but just managing to stop doesn't necessarily make me ok.

that's what happened the first time i stopped...in 2002...i didn't gamble for nearly 2 years but i didn't make the necessary changes in my life to 'be ok'....but...life was pretty good (for nearly two years) so I *WAS* ok...until life got difficult...

since I hadn't changed...since I didn't have new coping techniques.... i returned to what I knew worked...gambling...

anyway...i've told my story here before...many times...

just wanted to say....you can do this.

i didn't think i could....

didn't think i really wanted to (live without gambing)..

sounds sort of crazy typing that now.

especially considering all of the pain that gambling has caused me.

but i am free...

you can be too...

glad you're here....that's a great first step.

you are worth it...and you don't have to do this alone.

love, peg

(((Peg))) how wonderful to hear from you.

Such a brilliant post from you as always my friend. One that reflects some of your journey but also valuable information to help newbies starting their journeys.

I hope that life is treating you and hubby well and those boys are behaving 😉

Jackie xx

Bump!!!

Up you come my friend lol!!!

This is a brilliant read for all of us and especially anyone new to Gamcare.

W xx

It's been a while....just checking in to offer HOPE to those of you who are suffering....

I remember a time when I was hopeless.

I could not imagine a life without gambling....or....what I DID imagine is that I would be MISERABLE in that life. I LOVED to gamble.

or at least I thought I did.

or...I guess I truly did....but it sure didn't make sense to think I could not possibly be happy if I couldn't gamble...when, after all, gambling had absolutely wrecked my life.

why would I think that something that had made my life helll was something that I needed to do to be happy?

of course it isn't logical.

but that didn't make it any less true.

I didn't want to be without it.

but I wanted to stop hurting.

I wanted the debt to go away.

I wanted the shame and the secrets to go away.

today, over four years later...I am so happy to be FREE of that helll.

the desire to gamble is no longer something that I deal with on a daily basis...actually... it's pretty uncommon for me to have to struggle with thoughts of gambling at all...it does happen from time to time...the struggle...but over the past four years I've learned a lot about this addiction and about myself... I've developed tools and skills that allow me to better deal with life..as well as those occasions when the need to gamble sneaks up on me.

it's something that I almost never have to 'fight'...although.... on that rare occasion...the desire to gamble can be as powerful as it ever was.

so i've learned....that I don't need to be here every single day, like I had to do in the beginning (for strength)...but touching base every now and then...is a good thing.... to remember where i've been... to learn from my history...and from you.

that said...

i don't miss it.

i wonder how I ever found the time to gamble anyway...my life is so full of REAL things now.

I spend time with family and friends...I actually have MONEY to do things now...I'm not afraid to get the mail....or of my husband discovering that we are late on some bill or another...or the extent of our debt.

those things are in the past.

there was a time when I did not want to live.

I believed the damage I'd done was irreparable.

I was pretty sure of it actually.

I was wrong.

I am free of gambling.

it was a long difficult road, but our finances are in order.

and I'm happy.

well...mostly happy 🙂

life happens...the good and the bad....and even when I'm not gambling, there are bad things in my life.

stopping gambling doesn't make everything wonderful.

but if i were gambling right now....the problems in my life would be compounded.

nothing good can possibly come from gambling (for me).

any thoughts to the contrary are illusions.

I don't NEED gambling and neither do you.

Gambling didn't make me happy (and if you are at gamcare reading this, I imagine it has brought you quite a bit of pain also).

there is a way out.

i'm glad you're here.

you can do this....

you deserve to live.

hugs.

What a fantastic post Peg!!!,and at a time when so many new people have started diaries,i'm sure many will find true strength by reading it:).

Seano.

another MUST for the front pages peg...essential reading for new diaries 🙂