The absolute limit

Well done for coming back. I know the idea of giving up gambling can be terrifying at first, so I can't begrudge you for leaving back in September. Yet, well done for having the courage to come too.

I've said it recently that at first we have a problem letting go it, yet the reality of course is that it's something that only stole from us and needs to be let go of. You've drawn the line now. Stick this out. It'll be the best choice you've made in a long time. Recovery works if you want it and choose to say no to gambling. The rewards are many, I guarantee it. Wise choice in coming back. Stick to your diary like glue, for if those urges crop up you need to get posting to avoid slips and you'll need the support here too. Wish you the best on your journey. It gets easier in time, I promise. You might feel like you have a great burden on your shoulders now, but a couple of months down the line and you'll wonder how on earth you got so lost in it all. Stay strong.

Wish you well

Alex

I'm sending you big support. 🙂

re Neteller etc, just say "Please close my account permanently as I have a gambling problem and need to protect myself from accessing online gambling." I was never questioned after this. It also makes you feel good in a tiny way every time you write it down and take responsibility for it - as if the shame gets a little less.

It took me a long time to feel I could "admit" over an email to an institution (including online casinos) that I had a gambling problem because it felt as if I was condemning my entire self.

Gradually though, I've started to see it as just a part of me, not everything. "I am 37. I am 5'5". I am good company and make people laugh. I'm not very good at bowling. I have brown eyes. I'm allergic to prawns. I have a problem with gambling which means I can't go near it. I am interested in Indian cooking. I like long-distance running but tend to get injured a lot." Just statements.

I'm sure as you start to restore all those former interests and hobbies, you'll feel the same - (I've used this expression before, but) it's as if the "heat" goes out of gambling. Of course it's important not to get complacent but I think it's important too to move forward and not feel totally on edge the whole time or as if you are "denying yourself" something you "really want".

I would strongly encourage you to dig out those short stories (they'll probably be better than you thought they were) and polish them up and start sending them to magazines and competitions. There's an element of excitement in that that may help compensate for the loss of gambling "excitement" - though you need to be really patient too!

FF

PS Hope the World Cup draw has not depressed you...!!

101Sports,

Thanks for writing down your thoughts. It's a really fascinating read. I don't think I could offer much advice just now as it seems you pretty much know where you are with your addiction. It seems to me like you have it under some type of control just now and hopefully that continues.

As someone who absolutely loves sports, I can sympathise with a lot of what you've said. I've found I can still enjoy watching football and many other sports without having a bet, but every now and again I will get a small urge. For example yesterday when the World Cup draw was taking place, I was a little bit on edge. I couldn't really watch it without thinking, "I wonder what odds they are now?" I resisted the urge to look at any gambling website as I knew this would only tempt me. I guess we just have to keep our guard up at all times.

Did you manage to watch the Man Utd game without feeling the need to gamble? I have to admit if I had been betting on that match, I wouldn't have bet on that result.

Very interesting read ,it feels very familiar ,good luck you seem so determined to do this.

Its all irrelevant 101,- if u stuck 2 grand on robertson at 4''s and won 8 grand would that be your last ever bet??

Ofcourse it wouldn't,you would wanna win more,try and recover more losses from the past.

I've come to realise winning is worse than losing,after every big win I had a bigger loss followed trying to replicate the initial big win.

It really is a vicious circle. Its hard not to place fantasy bets in your head,but your robertson fantasy bet is a win win bet for you,if u don't act on it.

If he losses u would obviously of lost, and if he does win it would put you back on that merry go round,we can't win cos we can't stop.

Keep away from that 1st bet 101 and your life will only improve.

Hi 101.

I said earlier that I didn't really have much advice to give as I'm battling my own addiction and you seem to have yours under an element of control, but reading your last post, I do have one bit of advice: Don't check the odds.

I've found that not looking at the odds on sporting events has really helped. I'm assuming that you looked at the odds on the Selby v Robertson game in play. I've had to resist doing the same thing for a lot of sporting events recently. No good can come from it in my opinion. It will only drive you crazy.

Hi

Being tired is a disaster in recovery. Also try to steer of fantasy bets and odds.

Michael

Firstly well done for stopping, secondly well done for coming back here. It's all too easy to feel too ashamed or too distraught and just carry on and not come back.

Relapses are part of recovery, as you know... they cause us agony but I understand that sometimes those urges feel so agonising that you don't THINK the gambling can be any worse.

It always is though.

What can I tell you? It's hard. Real life is hard, too - but you CAN deal with it.

You can survive urges, yes, even the ones that have you clawing at your skin or running for the bathroom. You will not be physically harmed by them. They ALWAYS pass, given time. Actively doing something else does help, even if only to help the time pass.

You can deal with life too, the petty cr**, the boredom. That's only one side of life. There's all the other good stuff that you've forgotten about because of the gambling. You'll gradually experience those good things as you spend time not-gambling. I try to write "3 Good Things" in my diary (paper diary) each night - it can be anything, from solving a work problem, to hearing a bird singing; from finally phoning that friend you need to catch up with, to enjoying a good cup of coffee. It helps you feel grateful and notice the small stuff.

My only practical advice is that you try to avoid sports as much as possible - I know that's probably extremely difficult in your line of work, but do you HAVE to follow the matches you're not reporting on? And yeah, don't check the odds. You're just torturing yourself.

You can live without this - it's just hard to know what a good non-gambling life looks like when you haven't yet filled it with alternative pleasures (ie ACTUAL pleasures!), so the urges feel worse now than they ever will in the future.

Courage.

FF

Hi 101,

Sorry to see that you relapsed, but you can use that as extra motivation and as part of the learning curve. You're viewing it in a positive light, which is good.

What are your trigger factors? What do you think drove you to bet again? The Champions League or did the Robertson win niggle away at you? Sometimes I think it's good if we can understand what drives us to gambling in the first place.

Hi - you have probably missed a lot of posts as I have been on here for nearly 4 years!

I'll do a quick summary for you - I don't elect to bet on sports because I think the odds are better or you have a better chance of winning. It's because with sports bets I don't lose control. I bet an affordable amount in advance and if it wins, great, if it doesn't I don't chase losses on it, I wait for the next time I want to bet. I don't bet 'in-play', only in advance. During my almost 6 months betting on sports only, generally it's twice a week on football, sometimes only once, and with a few golf bets thrown in. Over this period I have reduced my debts but this is due to not gambling on what I call random events - basically dogs, horses and virtual racing. This was the area I couldn't control, where one bet led to losing thousands in a day and continued chasing of losses and much borrowing and stealing of money to fund my addiction.

It has taken 5 and a half years to get to where I am betting sports only. It has not been easy with many setbacks but I am where I want to be. I believe anyone with a gambling problem need only omit the areas which causes them a problem. Sports betting does not cause me a problem because I don't get out of control. I appreciate the majority want and need to stop all forms of gambling.

Best wishes with your recovery, appreciate you posting to me.

Thanks for your support, chap. Very true words. Whilst yesterday and today were difficult as I've had deal with the fact I've gambled, I think I'll find it a hell of lot easier next time any urges try to kick in. Slap in the face it has been.

My slip was down to poker. I hadn't played for a year and before then, I played often. After today, I think I don't need to play it again. Ever. Lesson learned. We're better off without gambling.

Hope you're doing well.

Thanks again & stay strong

Alex

Hi 101

Thanks for your post & in answer to your question it is latin for Mental sickness/illness ! that is how i see gambling.

I relate to everything you have written, you are exactly right ! gambling takes away everything that is good in our lifes including our gifts and talents we are born with.

I rue the day i ever walked into a bookie and placed a bet, it changed my life forever. I wish you well in your battle to recovery as i am sure you do me.

Dark Place

Try not to let those regrets stay with you too long. That last bet was laid by an old version of you who didn't know any better; you are almost an "innocent victim" of that bet. It would have been like a hand grenade blowing up in your present whether it had won or lost - much, much worse, I believe, if it had won. That would have been a hand grenade of "gambling high" which is absolutely the last thing you need in your life right now.

I'm confident that you would NOT have been able to pay off your debts with those winnings. Why? Because I have read 100 stories here of people getting "that last win" and every single time without exception they go back and lose it all and more. And one of those people has been me (though I never believed it would happen to me either, pre-"win"). All you could have won off that bet was "gambling tokens".

You'll feel better about it tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, the next day. ("Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon"!)

I'm about 45 days gamble free at the moment and more and more I know that winning was a curse, whereas losing was in the end a great gift. Albeit a painful one.

FF

Hi 101,

Well done on the two month anniversary! It's good to see you're still going strong. Keep on going!