The begining of the end

Hi 

i totally relate I have got myself in so much dept from online gambling thinking I’m going to win it back 

I started by also watching a friend play online and winning, so thought I would have a go (how I wish I didn’t) I get paid monthly and just gamble it away in 1 day,

monday was my last time, I spent all wages again before even paying any bills 

I then haven’t slept for days getting up with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking how am I going to pay everything I have two children that should always come first. 

I decided to look for help and came across Gamcare and reading that I’m not alone in all this has helped me. People just think it’s easy to (just not do it) I wish it was.it’s also shown me how to block sites which I’ve done and also I’ve got in contact with a dept company and now got my depts all in control and I only have one payment a month now instead of different letters and phone calls from different company’s 

this as made me feel a little better also i feel I can breath knowing I can quit gambling for good which I’m determined to do. 

I do hope you can find the strength to quit for good and be able to wake up every day with a feeling of relief 

the black cloud may take time to go but it will in the end just keep going day by day 

Good luck

Hi Evee, welcome to the diaries and thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure many on here can relate to the journey you’ve been through so far with gambling. 

My first piece of advice. Get yourself signed up to GamStop. It’s a register that will automatically exclude your from (almost all) UK regulated online gambling sites. The hope is that eventually all online sites will be signed up. 

For you, this sounds like an absolute must. 

Take care and keep us updated.

Welcome, please sign up to gamstop, you will no longer be able to gamble online. Do it straight away or you will regret not doing it.

I myself have kids, 5 in fact , and I used to gamble rent money, electric money, bill money and worst of all food money, food that my kids needed. I still feel extremely guilty when I think about it now. 

Theres also gamban,. Get that on your devices aswel. 

It's hard, I'm not going to lie, I relapsed last week as I found a way around gamstop, but today I've been given advice about gamban and will sign up.

Also there is alot of support on here, the advisors are amazing , you can ring them or go on the netline. Theres chatrooms twice a day, which really help and the other members are lovely. 

Your not alone, well done for reaching out, being honest and starting a diary .

I wish u the best of luck

Stace

Well done for starting your own recovery diary. 

I called Stepchange when my loan and credit card repayments and everything got crazy and I couldn't keep up. They were not judgemental at all and even had to do a credit report because I took out some of the loans when I was blackout drunk so didn't even know who I owed. They sorted a repayment plan for me that is manageable and there is an end date to all the debt I created. It's a long time but it's better than swimming against the tide. 

I welcome your input on my thread and wish you well on your recovery journey. 

You've got this! 

Sherrie

xoxoxo

The road we have all been down.

welcome, don’t panic, you CAN learn to stop.First you must commit to never gambling again, the money is gone you have to deal with it.Gamstop is a 100% must for everyone, don’t do it and you aren’t committed to stopping in truth, you must do that as top priority.

there is a way out, long, hard and a lifelong path if you want it, I’m on it, I’ve been on it for 130 days today, I will be on it for life, you can’t ever beat this but you can stop gambling, there’s a difference just like an alcoholic will always be one but can stop drinking.

good luck, stick around, stay focused on the job in hand and like me and others we can STOP GAMBLING.

Thank you all so much for you kind words, it helps so much to know that I am not alone

I have just signed up gamstop though I am ashamed to say I only signed up for the 12 months I couldn't bring myself to do it for the 5 years, I was hoping that my this time next year I will be recovered and will able to maybe gamble like 'normal' people ajs just take it or leave it

I had a look at gamban, it 19.99 so as soon as I have some money I will set that up

I get paid tomorrow but I know that it will all be taken as my direct debits have bounced

I have thought about some kind of debt management plan but I own my house outright and so I dont know if they would make me sell it?

I am off work atm with tooth infection and poorly child, I am trying desperately not to think about gambling, I feel annoyed with myself that I cant just gamble sensibly it's all or nothing 

I am ashamed that though all gambling has put me though and worse put my family though , I still miss it. I have lost tens of thousands of pounds which I regret but i cant honestly say I didnt enjoy it while i was in my bubble, if feels a bit like breaking up with someone, thinking about the good and the bad times, what was and what could have been

Above all I wish I never knew online gambling existed at all 

I hate the way I live atm 

Is it possible to change a person so much that they are not the same person?

Thanks again to you all for your kind words

I hope we all come out the other side in one peace xx

Hello mate

A powerful story - heart goes out to you, I really hope you can do this - I could relate to the way in which gambling took you like a silent assassin, i felt like that too however ultimately I knew I had a SERIOUS problem and I didn't do anything about it.

Just a few words of advice if I may:

I have just signed up gamstop though I am ashamed to say I only signed up for the 12 months I couldn't bring myself to do it for the 5 years, I was hoping that my this time next year I will be recovered and will able to maybe gamble like 'normal' people ajs just take it or leave it

If you stick around on this site you will probably gauge that I tend to shoot from the hip, but only for the greater good my friend...

Gambling has turned your life upside down. It has pulled your pants down and irrecoverably changed your life, who you are and your future - at least for the time being.

And you want to go back to it after a year just for a bit of fun? Mate - why don't you spend the next twelve months working on yourself - using the recovery time to deeply explore what the core reason was associated with your need to escape into the world of gambling, what was missing in your world? Find out and implement it! Then at that point I guarantee you that you will change that 12 month ban to 5 years! 

I had a look at gamban, it 19.99 so as soon as I have some money I will set that up.

Contact them, ask if they have any promos on at the moment, it is more than likely they will just give it to you for free for 6 months... It's worked with loads of people, you have nothing to lose.

I have thought about some kind of debt management plan but I own my house outright and so I dont know if they would make me sell it?

Do you or did you work for stepchange in the past? If not, call them up man and have a conversation with them! All your reservations will be answered - yes it will be embarrassing and painful to have to go through everything but they have heard it all before don't worry! What's stopping you is pride no doubt, pride can also sink you even deeper if you're not careful, don't forget that...

I feel annoyed with myself that I cant just gamble sensibly it's all or nothing.

Don't worry about it... If you work this the right way and for the right reasons then over time you won't think about gambling anymore and will fill the void left behind with more meaningful things? 

I am ashamed that though all gambling has put me though and worse put my family though , I still miss it. I have lost tens of thousands of pounds which I regret but i cant honestly say I didnt enjoy it while i was in my bubble, if feels a bit like breaking up with someone, thinking about the good and the bad times, what was and what could have been

At this point you still have gambling coarsing through your veins. Just making you aware of this... If I were you I'd put up some barriers quick. Get help for that by reading other diaries.

I hate the way I live atm 

Is it possible to change a person so much that they are not the same person?

Yeah probably - there are people on here who are testimony to that (hazard2myself, Walliss, Matt 24) - find their diaries and read for inspiration.

However if you're not going to put the effort in (ie not even bother to ring stepchange because you seem to know better, and only signing up to Gamstop for 12 months because you're a sucker for punishment) then you'll probably end up having a bit of time off gambling then pride will tell you you can win it all back so after a year you'll go for it and you'll sink you and your family deeper.

You have a SERIOUS, SERIOUS problem on your hands sir. Do you need reminding if this? If so, log on to your internet banking and bring up your bank statements.

Help is at hand for this problem. The future can be bright if you want it to be.

You didn't sign up for Gamstop for 12 months because you want to have a sensible punt after a year, you only did it for a year in order to regroup, build your finances up again and after 12 months you'll be a hero - the door will open once again and you'll enter and win it all back and be lorded in your own head.

Or you'll do a load more money and end up in the same situation again, a year wasted, back to square one.

I tell you this for a fact, I speak from experience.

Remember gambling is still coarsing through your veins. It is making you think and say ridiculous things. You need to expunge that poison, don't give it a place to stay with poor decision making. It will come back and finish you off at some point.

You can do this mate.

Good luck friend ✌️

Thank you signalman for you kind advice, 

I have never worked for step change I haven't heard of them, I will Google them and deff give them a call

I will read the diaries you have mentioned too, I have read quite a few and its helps me to not feel so along

At the moment I feel like I'm living a double life, almost like that film Sliding Doors, I keep thinking about the life I should be living if I hadn't taken this path, I am on this road now thou and there OS no turning back, my family need me and I cant put them through anything else

Thanks for taking time out to speak truly to me, much appreciated 

Ps I am actually a woman , not that that relevant lol

Thank you xx

Hi!

I'm glad you took the advice the way it was meant, with all that gambling fog currently residing in your brain sometimes it's useful for someone to just forcibly enter and ram some home truths in there, if anything it counteracts the fog ?

Apologies I didn't realise you were a woman, my bad! However when I go off on one I tend to call everyone 'mate' and speak informally regardless of gender so probably won't be the last time you'll get this sort of discourse from me! ?

But seriously - wipe the slate clean now. Something was missing from your life to make you escape to gambling in the first place, work out what that is over time.

You may need counselling or therapy to do this, contact gamcare - they should be able to hook you up! 

We are all in this together. I can sense you genuinely want to stop gambling now. We can and will all learn from each other and support each other through this, over time life will get easier I promise you that (staying off a bet of course) in fact - you may not think it now but your life could end up being more fulfilled than before despite the debt, as you would have taken time to learn about yourself and cleaned out the skeletons in your closet so to speak.

Put it this way - with an unaddressed gambling addiction you were always going to s***k up whatever money came your way at some point so do away with all those sliding doors comparisons this instance! ? 

Draw a line now. If dwelling on what could have been is making you feel bad then don't dwell on it. Your starting a new life for yourself now, embrace that instead.

ALN always used to keep reminding me on here to 'draw a line' under it whenever I started talking like this, so draw a line! ??

At least you're going to address your gambling addiction now, whatever money comes your way from here on in will be protected, and that means your family will also be protected.

Your future is in fact bright. brighter than it was before when you had all that money.

Sign up to Gamstop for 5 years when you get a chance! A year can pass quickly and as you know now all it takes is a momentary lapse in morals and obligations to cause self-destruction! 

You're not in that game anymore! ?

Hi Evee,

Welcome to diaries. Good that you found your way here because as you already see, there are many people in the same boat and wisdom and inspiration is being shared on here unconditionally.

Alongside great advice you already received by the fellow travellers I have noticed you mentioning GamBan. I have it installed on all of my devices and purchased it just two weeks ago which was a ten pound for year's license...not sure if price gone up now.

Either way, please do contact GamCare as they used to offer a special code which means it's  GamBan protection for a year on upto 3 devices free of charge. Worth asking the question..I'm pretty sure they still run this so don't hesitate to contact a adviser.

I wish you all the best in your journey. Day at a time Will take you to months and years. Be kind to you, you're not alone and you're worth best things in life.

Enjoy life for what it is.

S&B xx

Posted by: signalman

Sign up to Gamstop for 5 years when you get a chance! A year can pass quickly and as you know now all it takes is a momentary lapse in morals and obligations to cause self-destruction! 

You can't possibly sort everything out in one go, it will need sorting bit by bit, day at a time.

Have a think today though - what do you really want out of this? Do you want out of gambling for good or are you looking for a bit of time off from the gambling before going back to it?

You are entitled to do whatever you want to do of course, the decision making is always in your control - however I would say signing up to Gamstop for 5 years is a proper commitment to changing your life forever, leaving it at 1 year sort of signifies that you're just seeking temporary respite.

You say you hate the way you live, so why not change it for good? ?

Commit to this ?✌️

Thanks to you all for all your kind words and advice, I will call gambian tomorrow and see if there is any discounts available, I really need to check my bank account I have been too scared to but I cant keep burying my head in the sand I need to face up to things

I think I might print off some bank statements maybe the shock will help me, I cant look at them when I start thinking about gambling 

I find it really hard at night as I used to spend hours in bed gambling while my partner slept, sometimes til early hours of the morning, as long as it took until I lost everything, I have downloaded some quiz games on my phone to play instead and I might start reading books again hopefully that will be a welcome distraction. 

I haven't been drinking as on tablets atm so I'm hoping I will still have as much willpower after a drink as i have right now to not gamble

My gamestop should have kicked in by now thou I still got some texts telling me about new games today from a couple of sites, I guess I will have to learn to live with temptation rather than hope to avoid it all together

I feel a bit sad today but I haven't gambled and I think its helped loads to read peoples replies to me and read other peoples diaries, this site is a blessing it really is

Posted by: Evee1122

I will call gambian tomorrow and see if there is any discounts available

Email them - they are far more responsive with email ? you should have something sorted by the end of the day

Well I have emailed gamban to see if they have any discount codes available

I have also received emails from a few of the gambling sites about my ban so that's all gone throu thankfully

I am back at work today so hopefully I can just concentrate on that other than gambling, sometimes I wish I was mega rich so I could just spend my days in bed gambling but then what sort of a life would that be lol

I am determined not to gamble, I still have little money and am looking forward to getting myself completely debt free, that would be the best feeling ever. 

I really need to check my bank balance soon as I cant keep putting it off I'm just so scared to see the damage I feel sick just thinking about it to be honest

I am just going to take one day at a time and not even think about how I'm going to get through the weekend 

Big thanks for all your support to all who have taken time to reply to me on here

Xxxx