The begining of the end

Posted by: Evee1122

sometimes I wish I was mega rich so I could just spend my days in bed gambling but then what sort of a life would that be lol

Right, you definitely need to fill your life with more meaning! Make this your mission! ?

Nice one for putting all the other stuff in place, excellent moves and you won't regret them ✌️?

Really bad anxiety tonight to point of being physically sick, I usually gamble and it takes my mind off my anxiety so I guess I will just have to find another way to cope with it

I started filling out the online step change forms, it's a big form to fill in but hopefully will be worth all the effort

Gamban have emailed me a code for free trial so that's good news

I cant imagine ever having a day where I dont think of gambling but I hope in the future that day will come 

It's so hard to quit something thats so accessible, I read a magazine today to take my mind off it and even that was full of adverts for their online bingo sites!

This is gonna be a lot harder than I imagined 

Thanks to all who have posted on my diary it means a lot to me

I didnt gamble last night but it was really hard not too, I woke up in night and couldn't get back to sleep usually that when I would gamble, instead I just laid in bed wondering where it all went wrong and worrying about money, I still haven't checked my bank account

Feel a bit depressed today, not doing great at work and tbh domt feel much like going in but needs must

Yeah just think what would happen if you do continue to gamble at this stage...

You'll just finish yourself off... You think life is bad now, if you continue to gamble it could get ten times worse. It's just not worth it anymore.

The early days are REALLY tough, a true test of your mettle. Hang in there.

Currently gambling is calling out to you to alleviate that malaise youre feeling, now you realise it's toxic you'll just have to ride it out and ride out the withdrawal. If anything all the things you are feeling now should indicate to you that gambling is not a bit of fun for some, for people like us it is a toxic drug that can destroy our body, minds and future.

Contact gamcare and setup some counselling or something. Maybe this could be the new tonic that sets you straight instead of the gamble, you'll be amazed how potent and powerful the counselling can be.

Just remember you've committed to this change of life now, turn back now at your peril.

Youve already proved that you cannot gamble responsibly. Sites like this were setup because it's a real problem in society, you are certainly not alone.

Trust in the wisdom of others. 

STAY AWAY FROM THE GAMBLE! 

?

Everything will get easier over time. But you need to put that gamble free time behind you.

Thank you signalman for all your support it really helps

I have put my postcode in the gamcare bit where it finds you a councillor but unfortunately there arnt any or any g a groups anywhere near where I live, I guess that's the downside to rural life, maybe one day I will be qualified enough to start one up, I hope so

Not looking forward to tonight I usually gamble loads on sat nights in bed, I will have to find something else to do

I spent absolutely loads of time glued on here in the early days, to pass the time.

Also I listened to gambling recovery podcasts like the after gambling podcasts (this was amazing) and watched a lot of video logs for recovering gamblers to help keep me motivated to stay off the next bet (Joel on YouTube has a great video blog and Andy margett has a great YouTube video blog)

This ain't easy. This ain't easy at all. But it gets easier.

Or you can go back to gambling and completely destroy yourself - the choice is yours - but remember - you always have a choice!

Finally - give gamcare a call, speak to them (they are lovely) - in cases where people live rurally and cannot access their counselling partners they can set you up with free telephone counselling services.

Sounds like you defo need this for your anxiety and current gambling urges. Plus as you continue on this journey you're going to feel really lonely and isolated and are going to need the support / strength in numbers.

Please get the help you need and deserve. You are worth it. You are a brilliant person for coming on here and seeking help against this terrible thing, treat yourself with the respect you deserve and call gamcare to discuss options with them.

Take care X

Check out the after gambling podcast tonight during the time you'd usually gamble x

Ps there are other services on here like chatroom and Chatline where fellow CG's come together but I don't know much about those. May be of benefit to you ?

Hi Evee1122,

As other Forum users have kindly said you can call us on the Helpline 0808 8020 133 (or Netline) for a link for a free one-year licence of GamBan (that can be installed on up to 3 devices). Well done for reaching out and for realising that there may be patterns and triggers to when you might be gambling. If Saturday nights are a time that you usually gamble and you will find it difficult tonight please do call us on the Helpline and we can discuss all of your support options and look into doing a referral for you for telephone counselling if you wish. We are open until 8am until midnight 7 days a week.

Best Wishes

Forum Admin

Thanks so much

I just dont feel like talking to someone over the phone atm

I finished work am gonna have a couple or drinks and if I can do that and not gamble I will be proud of myself

I cant leave it any longer 

I am going to check my bank account

Please God dont let it be as bad as I think it will be

I'm now going to check it, I've had a gin cocktail for strength, please God be kind to me and let me not be minus

right, I'm 36, im halfway through my life if I'm lucky, I got f**k all to show for it, I smoke too much I drink too much and obviously I gamble too much, I want to be better be fitter be nicer, and still I have the audacity to say that yet I haven't yet got the courage to check my bank account

Home now still not checked bank

Really really miss playing my spinners, I love playing them so much , seeing them all line up when I on a winner

Still I wont have that sinking sick feeling of dread in the morning and I not made some online casino s**m bag any money so I think that's one nil to me at last lol

Posted by: Evee1122

right, I'm 36, im halfway through my life if I'm lucky, I got f**k all to show for it, I smoke too much I drink too much and obviously I gamble too much, I want to be better be fitter be nicer, and still I have the audacity to say that yet I haven't yet got the courage to check my bank account

Listen Evee,

About a year ago I wrote a message on here with almost identical goals... the day before writing that message I was going to do my wife and kid a favour and begone - that's how deep I had got into the gambling. At that point I craved another gamble, its all I knew at the time and I didn't believe I had the guts to dig in and make this happen.

I still class myself as an perpetual fool... Over time I hope I can redeem myself in this respect. But all those goals you've highlighted? They can be achieved, I promise you, if I can do it I'm sure you can. It just takes time, a whole lot of time. 

I kept looking at all my goals in one go - it became overwhelming I would run to my bedroom and bury myself under the bedsheets. Burying myself in the bedroom became my rock bottom but now I realise it was just another necessary part of the recovery process. 

I thought and thought and thought so much in my bedroom (when I should've been tending to my responsibilities as a dad and husband) until I ran out of things to think about and the thought processes and feedback loops didn't even make sense to me anymore. At that point I started doing things. 

Only then did things slowly start to change for me.

Only then.

If you just check your bank tonight - that's a major victory. Don't worry about trying to fix it all tonight, your goal is just to check it, that's it.

Tomorrow - a survival plan.

Monday - step one of that plan

Tuesday - step 2...

Etc...

When this part of your life becomes manageable (it will at some point if you stay off a bet, don't worry) then you can look at the other parts you have mentioned.

Just stay off a bet.

And understand you can beat this by doing a tiny thing every day.

Just check it... They are only numbers on a screen. This is probably the worst you're going to see them if you are serious about recovering from gambling and stay off a bet. Onwards and upwards from here.

Thank you signalman, I'm so glad I'm not alone I feel like only one

I spend hours alone in my bed it's only place I feel safe though I know its tragic

I haven't gambled today although I really really wanted to 

I will check my account now, I was gonna wait another day but you are right they are only numbers and what will be will be xxxx

I've got 160 quid!! Happy days!!, roast dinner for us all tomoz what a BUZZ!!!!