The Day I decided my Daughter is far more important than Gambling

10th August 2015 - Day 1

Well, I've never been one for keeping a diary of any sorts, but I'm going to give this a go, whilst reading some threads on here as well. i'll do my best to do this daily. Like so many others on here I begin at the start of my journey to be Gamble free. Now is the time to realise that moving forward my daughter deserves more time and a nice holiday - albeit it will be next year now.

The 10th August 2015. The first day of being gamble free. The next three weeks will be the easy part as I have no money until the end of the month - well I have some, but I've given that to my partner to take care of - I've paid all of the bills except the Council Tax. I told them I was a week short of money in getting paid and they've agreed to let me pay two months in September.

I have now self-excluded myself from all of my betting accounts. Updated my balances on my DMP. Took my daughter to the supermarket and bought her a little treat - only £2.99 but she loved it - and some sweets.

It's the start of a very long and trying journey I'm guessing, but I have to end this otherwise I will kill myself with drink - that's what I turn to when I lose. Then I drink and lose even more. A 4 year old daughter doesn't deserve to have her 36 year old Dad getting in to such a state.

Onwards and upwards everyone and I wish you all the best of luck. Chin up and let's do this. I'll update tomorrow.

(Below is what I posted on another thread. I have copied and pasted to remind me).

Dear All,

Firstly I hope you are all well.

Having read a lot of threads and topics on the Gamcare website it appears my problem is a familiar one. I have been gambling for over 25 years now. Even when my Nan would say "do you want to pick the final horse in my patent?". Or as the years went on and I reached early-mid teens my Nan would say "so you want to pick a horse out etc. I'll put it on".

Now my Nan's bets were never excessive and she never had a problem with gambling as such. She did it more for a social thing and as she became more restricted to staying local - due to extreme arthritis - and she could walk in from the garden every half hour to see the next race inetween doing a spot of gardening. My Nan's biggest bet per day would be £3 staked or more often a 10p EW patent that cost £1.40.

I'm not at all blaming my Nan for making me a problem gambler, I want to get that clear but I was asked the other day to recollect were my first encounter with gambling occurred. That's when it was.

I dread to think how much I have lost in the previous 20 years or so. I know when I started my debt management plan a few years ago that it stood at £50k. This was all down to obtaining loans - they were so easy to get 7-10 years ago and also nearly every credit card you could have. I had about 10 credit cards. MBNA allowed me to have 4 different ones somehow. They were with different names, like Virgin, Football team names etc. That's now down to £33k. So a long way to go yet.

I qualified as an Accountant in 2008 and I was always on fairly good money, certainly enough to have a good lifestyle. But that was the problem I never 'really' enjoyed myself. OK, there were countless football games I went to, home and away and I had a good time with my mates down the pub at weekends like people do. The problem was that half the time by the time I was enjoying myself my salary had probably gone on gambling and I was spending my 'enjoyment times" on credit cards.

I look back now and most if not all of my mates have got mortgages and nice cars, go on holidays etc. We're a pretty open bunch and a select few know roughly what each other earns. I would have been at the top end of that but alas I live in a rented flat and have a 20 year old banger.

The last 18 months or so after battling depression, due to being in the most dead end/boring accountancy job I had ever had I decided to set my own company up. This has been active for a year now. I'm not earning anywhere near as much money, but I am or I was much happier. Last year I guess I gave up gambling completely for 6 weeks or so. But it would always come back and I'd chuck the odd £20 on a horse or £10 on a greyhound if I were in town. Then you guessed it once I lost and got home i'd out the laptop on, have a beer and bet on two raindrops running down a window.

The last 3 months in particular I've been trying my best to improve. This is by occupying my time. Having a wonderful 4 year old daughter you'd think that would be enough to make me stop or at least pre-occupy myself, but no. I mean she's the best thing in my world, but she still doesn't stop me gambling. My partner thinks I'm busy working away every night when I retreat to another room to check some odds out or place another online bet.

Outside of family I've been doing all the things I can think of to escape gambling and the route bck down the evil path of chasing losses. I re-joined the gym, I even joined a golf club. Me and two friends created a golf society where we go out and play once a week with a few others. With all the above mentioned and being out at 2-3 meetings a week, plus working from early in morning to evening you'd think there would be no spa re time to gamble, but there is.

I was going along fine. I had a setback at work last week, where someone cancelled a £2k order. However, I was paid early on one other bit of work and £950 was paid in to my account. We did the shopping and bought our daughters new school uniform and shoes and decided we'd get a take away Saturday night. My partner took my daughter to her cousins Saturday morning and I was at home picking my Fantasy football team.

Whilst doing this I thoguht "lets chuck £10 in to my ****** account". I did an I had £5 on Rooney to score first in the Man Utd v Tottenham game and a £5 accumulator on Man Utd, Leyton Orient, Tranmere, Hull and Portsmouth to win. The second bet won and I got £95 back. £85 up. Did I stop??. Of course not. I placed further bets on the Chelsea game and Horse racing in the afternoon/evening. Eating the takeaway I had now lost the £95 from my account and deposited and lost another £150. I rounded this up to £200 by adding another £40. With the horse racing nearly finished and also the football I was running out of things to bet on.

I decided to bet on the Golf. Chasing my losses I had £130 on Jim Furyk and £120 on Justin Rose to win the US Golf tournament. I looked at Sunday's football and staked another £125 on various football bets. At the end of Saturday night Rose and Furyk were joint leaders of the golf and I felt sure one of them would win on Sunday.

On Sunday morning I has a spare £22 in my account. I let my partner have a lie in whilst I done breakfast for my daughter. As I was in the kitchen I switched ****** on my phone and for some bizarre reason decided to have a bet on Virtual Horse Racing - for the first time ever. A few races later the £22 had gone and another £50 was deposited. I lost the £50 on a Czech Under 21 Football match. So £625 down now. Beginning to shake/panic a bit I immediately deposited another £75 to round it up to £700. This was on football accumulators and first goalscorer bets and 3 horse selections.

A couple of hours later I said to my partner "I'm going to the driving range to hit some balls". 5 minutes later and I'm in town going from ****** to ****** back and forth. Arsenal lost so that was the accumulator gone, the first goalscorer bets in the Arsenal and Celtic games lost. The first three horses lost. Undeterred I thought my luck would change if I actually bet in the shops rather than online - and I still had the golf bets later, if either of them won it would have got me between £390-£450 back - £200 out of the cash machine. Walked in to ******. First horse won and returned £60 from £20. 2 more horse selections and 2 greyhounds and that £60 was gone again. £180 left. I put another £40 on Rose and £20 on Furyk to win the Golf. £20 on first goalscorer bets for the Stoke v Liverpool game. I left four Horse Racing bets of £80 in total.

I thought I better go home with something, so I bought a game for my daughter, a bottle of wine for my partner and some beer for myself. Obviosuly they were very happy with the gesture, not knowing what I'd done.

After my daughter went to bed I sat down to watch the golf. As each hole went by my hopes of winning were vanishing. Blaming my snappyness on tiredness to my partner - she eventually went to bed - whilst I watched the last hour or so of Golf alone with £310 staked. Rose and Furyk finished tied 3rd and my money was gone.

That is how easy - or how stupid I was - it is to lose £900 in a weekend. From delight at being paid early to self inflicted pain within the space of 48 hours. I had to cancel a meeting for today as it would have meant spending money on a train ticket. Money we need for food instead. Gambling for me is not worth it, gambling whilst drinking is definitely not worth it. Gambling with a 4 year old daughter is far from fair.

I know I must stop and start relaxing and somehow get over this 25 year addiction. How I do it the next time I have money in the bank is a very different story.

Sorry for the very long story but it was going round and round in my head and at least I have written it down somewhere now.

I sincerely wish everyone all the best in overcoming your gambling problems. Whether it be Sports Betting (like me), or those FOBT'S, Poker or anything else. I'm a fine one to say it, but there are - there must be - much better things to spend your time and money on and also your nervous exhaustion.

A very depressing start to the week and hopefully things can only get better.

All the best.