The Day I decided my Daughter is far more important than Gambling

It's nice to return to normality and to not have the gambler worries... keep it up pal.

Hope Day 16 has been good. Catch up when you're next back online.

Well done on your non gambling, your story is so similar to mine, I would think nothing of blowing £2k. In a day at the bookies, but then question my wife when she bought a £2 item in a shop, causing an argument!! It's because we can only justify spending on gambling and nothing else, so sad. Keep it going I know you can beat the demons

Thanks Change and Davebs26.

25/26th August 2015 - Day 16/17

Didn't get time to post yesterday at all. Talk about an addictive personality. I think it's all or nothing with me in every aspect of life. After spending a while away from the gym or only going once a week, I went three days in a row and had worn myself out by last night.

Pleased to say though that there has been no gambling yesterday or the day before. It's a struggle lifting my arms and legs today, but for a good reason.

Up at 6 to start work this morning as I want to be done by 2pm to play the more sedate game of Golf. Just the 9 holes though. Although the way I currently play I'll walk a normal persons 18 holes. May have to treat myself to a pint afterwards.

So, fortunately no time to think about gambling today. Let' get to Sunday - the end of Week 3 and then go on to 30 days gamble free.

I hope everyone elese is keeping the nasty thoughts and demons away and enjoying life.

All the best

Rob

davebs26 wrote:

Well done on your non gambling, your story is so similar to mine, I would think nothing of blowing £2k. In a day at the bookies, but then question my wife when she bought a £2 item in a shop, causing an argument!! It's because we can only justify spending on gambling and nothing else, so sad. Keep it going I know you can beat the demons

Thanks for posting Dave. That's exactly what this household is/was like. Even done a boot sale once to raise some funds.........you can guess why they were needed.........and then ended up!

Hope all is well not again! Another BBQ this weekend?

Hi Change, yes all is good thanks mate. Had a bit of a mixed day yesterday, was tempted with a BBQ, but the other half said she didn't trust the weather. Probably wise as wasn't the warmest. So played with my daughter inbetween watching the Chelsea game on the internet, couldn't get in to the Spurs game, so put on the old Football Manager game on the laptop. Whilst having a few Guinness of course!

How are you doing?

I guess I better update my diary!

27/28/29th August 2015 - Day 18/19/20

Not been on a for a few days, but don't panic Mr Mainwaring, I've not had a relapse into gambling.

27th - Worked until aroound 2pm, then met a couple of mates for 9 holes of Golf. Couple of pints afterwards, home, dinner, bed for an early start.

28th - Up at 5.30am for work. Decided enough was enough at around 2pm and toddled off to the Golf course on my own. Finished the second hole and the guy behond me says "I'm on my own, do you fancy playing a two ball". Not being the most confident, but not being rude, I said yes and instantly said "yes, it's fine, but I'll hold you up, so don't expect too much"

Archie replied in his deep Scottish accent "ah, man, din nae be daft, I give ye a few tips. I play of 6 by the way"

Oh great I thought. But he was a very nice bloke, very friendly and being ex-army had a story or two to tell as well as his golf exploits. Did indeed give me some help and some tips. Had a drink afterwards, swopped numbers (sounds a bit like dating, I know) and said we'd meet up again as he's fairly new to the area.

In the evening I had a bizarre incident. Dropped my partner and daughter off at a friends house. When I was heading home there was a car coming the other way. I thought I had right of way, they obviously thought they did. Cue the hand signals from their passenger. I wound the window down and said "oh come one, you came rushing down there and I was already coming through" Then the verbals......I shook my head and drove off to the Supermarket. As I get out the car there they are behind me, one gets out the car and comes marching up to me. Effing and blinding. I tried reasoning for all of 5 seconds then he came towards me.

Not being a violent person I thought it wasn't worth it, jumped in the car and went to drive off. He bangs on the car and the window. So I just drive off. He jumps in his mates car and they then try and follow me home! Fortunately I lost them at a set of lights. Still waiting them to turn up on my doorstep! So as you can tell that shook me up a little bit!

29th - Fortunately a bit of a different day. A quieter one. As mentioned above, watched some football and generally stayed out of people's way! Played with my daughter. My new mate Archie phoned me an said him and a mate were going to play a game of golf about 30 mins drive away. Didn't really have enough time to get ready. Also thought I'd better have a bit of family time!

So after today I'll be at 3 weeks gamble free. A little mile stone. One step at a time.

I hope you are all alright and gamble free.

All the best.

Every day gamble free is a small milestone :), well done you on abstaining and maintaining.

Keep strong and keep going OAU

Suzanne xx

Thanks for stopping by Suzanne and commenting. It's appreciated. I hope you are OK.

30/31st August 2015 - Day 21/22

Two more days out of the way, done and dusted. Normally a nightmare the Bank Holiday weekends with so many opportunities to gamble and so much sport on TV.

Went out with my sisters for a drink last night. Was out a few hours and they're 10 years or so younger than me and it showed last night! Felt a bit rough/tired today. At least it kept me away from gambling.

Watched the T20 Cricket earlier. Which I could actually enjoy for a change instead of hoping my Top Batsman bet would come in. The amount of times I've spoilt watching a game of Cricket in the past. My bet goes t**s up after they get out in single figures. I then place a bet in play on the 2-Way Match betting and end up losing more and more as the game swings and throws around.

With England winning - again - it made it even more enjoyable. Early night needed tonight. Back to the gym tomorrow to work off some of the excess alcohol!

I hope you are all alright and staying gamble free.

All the best

Not Again

1st September 2015 - Day 22

Week 4 starts and without sounding too dramatic today - and part of yesterday - has been a time for reflection and I think it may be finally setting in to my head........What was I doing with all those stupid decisions with money. i.e. Starting gambling, then chasing my losses until every penny was gone, every loan, credit card, or payday loan had been exhausted. All because of this I was drinking more and more and altogether all over the place, both mentally and physically.

One of mates and his girlfriend are currently on an all inclusive holiday in Egypt for 2 weeks. Next weekend a mate and his wife, who are celebrating their 1 year anniversary - I was best man at their wedding - are off on holiday for a week to celebrate.

I can't treat my partner and daughter to something anywere near that as due to my stupidity I am paying off via StepChange all my debts. It's a shame, but my own fault. At least when my partner said our daughter needed wellies and plimsoles to go with the school shoes she already has for her first day at school next week we had a bit of money for that.

Little things, but at least that's sorted. On a more positive note I did complete my longest run on the treadmill today of 5.25km at the gym. Think I'll go down and do some weights in the morning before starting work.

A reflective day today, but at least there was no gambling. All part of the process I guess/hope.

Anyway, I hope you are all OK and staying off the gamble train.

All the best.

Not Again.

I'll post a more detailed response when i have chance to type something longer but I just wanted to reply and say well done at starting week 4. You're doing great and reflecting more is part of the healing process.

Thanks Change. I hope all is well with you. Your new diary is certainly an interesting read.

Your post earlier today certainty resonated with me. In the gambling zone all rational thinking exists my head. On recounting past situations I cannot understand how I acted as I did and I can only out it down to greed, desperation and a sense of wanting to 'get even'. It is still taking me time to accept it is over as it has been such a large chunk of my life but it definitely is over.

I have missed out on treating my wife and family and that is a hard thing to deal with. They don't deserve that. I have lived my life on scraps for too long. I am pretty sure I've missed promotions and opportunities as a result of being fixated on gambling.

It's all about focusing on the future now. Using past experiences to make the future better than it would have been... it's a very expensive lesson but just maybe if I hadn't been through all this nonsense I would be doing some of the things I am now. I hope that makes sense and is also something you can relate to.

Good luck sir and speak again soon.

How's it going not again?

Hi GT and Change. Thanks for the comment(s). That's very true. As I'm showing at the moment. As I type this my daughter is sitting on my lap watching Barbie on the tablet after finishing her Doughnut that we bought at the Bakery earlier.

As for my partner I treated her to a Chinese last night - even if it was a takeaway. All these little things. At least they're a lot happier with this 'Me' rather than the 'Me' of previous who at this time on a Saturday would either be constantly checking the football scores and then trying to watch a horse race with no one in the room.

If my partner came in the room "Have you had a bet?" Me: "No, no it's just this is a big race and I want to see who wins". She didn't know it was only a Class 5 Handicap at Lingfield or Market Rasen.

It's going well thanks Change. Kept myself very busy which has helped. How are you doing? I'll pop by your diary soon.

2nd/3rd/4th September 2015 - Day 23/24/25

Day 23 - Started off the day by going for a run at the gym. After I went to London today to meet someone from an agency regarding a job. I've got a few days a week of work at the moment but could do with topping it up. Wasn't meant to be as it wasn't the ideal fit for me/them. I stopped off in a town close to home and met a mate who's company were hosting a Networking event at 6pm Another opportunity to meet companies. Free drink and nibbles laid on. Eventually got home around 9pm. Tired and exhausted. An early night and no time to think of gambling.

Day 24 - Got up and went to the gym to try and tone up a touch with the weights. My arms hurt the next day I know that much! I went to a friends workplace to do some work around lunchtime and was there 2-3 hours. Came home, played with my duaghter for a while before being invited out for a curry. Told the guy I couldn't go etc. I could I just didn't want to go on another 'work/networking event'. Felt a bit unfair on my partner being out again and this time I'd have to pay at least £20-£40. My mate said he was happy with the work I'd done for him and he would pay the entrance fee for me. That paid for the meal and one drink. That was £20 saved. A guy there said he'd like to talk to me about maybe doing a couple of days work for him. So could have been very worthwhile. Certainly got my name out there if nothing else. A late one and home at 11pm. Once again no time for gambling with being so busy and despite seeing the last bit of the Wales game in the pub, still no thoughts of gambling. Apart from the fact I know in a past life I would have had Bale to score first. Still, what I may have made in that was compensated by my curry being paid for. A way to look at it at least!

Day 25 - Up at 5.45am for work/a meeting. Returned home around 10.30am. Worn out given the previous two days, gym/late nights etc. Carried on with some work at home before having lunch and then I don't mind admitting it, a Grandad nap after lunch. I'd arranged to play 9 holes of Golf at 3pm with a mate and that is what we duly did. My partner said her and our daughter had been invited to a friends for a playdate/dinner and then they'd get dropped off home. So me and my mate stayed and had a couple of beers and talked about the Golf society me, him and another mate have set up. Of all things they've put me in charge of money!! So I am the Treasurer and we have a Chairman and Vice Chairman. As is necessary we have decided we will also be the Rules Committee and as such a meeting is scheduled for next month over a curry - it appears I have another addiction - to put the plans in to place.

Phew - a busy few days and even more important three more gamble free days chalked up. The first milestone of 30 days is at last approaching.

Me being me am not one for sitting round doing nothing, so I was out on the Golf course at 6.30am this morning, followed by taking my daughter and partner to the shops as mentioned above. Currently chilling at home - all three of us. Whilst our treat of a bottle of wine for my partner and my cans of Guinness are chilling in the fridge. All set to be released one by one as and when San Marino v England kicks off at 5pm. Not all about me though as I've already had to watch a Rapunzel DVD and I know once the Football has finished I'll have to endure The X-Factor. Ahh, family life hey, don't you just love it!! Erm.........

Anyway and also importantly I hope you are all OK, enjoying yoursleves, stress free and free of all the gambling demons!!

Take it easy and all the best.

Not Again.