the end of the road, a new start on the way

Morning Ands,

Hope u r ok and keeping control of those boys of yours.

Take Care,

DT.

Day 38, i will not gamble today.

Thanks for your posts, feeling ok today, going camping friday til monday, down by the sea in hastings.

Looking forward to getting out and having some fresh air, making a little fire and chilling in the evenings, under the stars. Gonna take boys fishing and swimming and have some fun.

No real urges to gamble and on monday it will be six weeks, im chuffed with that.

take care all, ands

Hi Ands

Can I come...can I come..

I love camping and fishing...

Have a fab time with your boys and I hope you have good weather although that never bothered me. As long as I had wellies and waterproofs it didn't matter. And there is nothing more soothing then raindrops falling on the tent.

Have fun, I'll be thinking of you and your boys.

God Bless

Charly

A bit of reflecting before i go on my little camping trip down the south coast with my beautiful sons who i love with all my heart.

Been some ride so far, feelings of sheer pain and anger, to absolute delight. The worse fear was losing my sons, that never happened..God that was such a day, i will never forget it. To regain my heart from the life destroying /destructive addiction of gambling........When i started my diary i thought i would never stick to it, i was wrong it has and is changing my life, and for the better. I like most on this forum have literally had days from hell. But i got through them and for that i am kinda proud of myself..Never been before, so it was a refreshing feeling.

If i was still gambling i would not be going camping, i know its only for 3 days but it is a start. I am unemployed at the moment but hopefully will find some employment soon.

As far as my family and friends go they are no longer apart of my life. The regrets and the sadness are there but i can not do anything to change that, so i move on and caryy on. Kinda a lonely life for an ex cg, not all people forgive and do you blame them????? i do and i dont..............

But on a positive note i have not gamble for nearly 6 weeks now.

In a funny kinda way im actualy doing ok, Cos im bit of a scatty brain and very dopey at times lol! i should have 4 legs and a tail. As for those dam machines still wanna smash the f*****s up.

This post does not make a lot of sense, but i know what im saying.

Take care all and have good weekend. ands

Hi mate,

Sorry i ain't popped in for a while, Well done on your six weeks mate, so many people come here post a couple of times and disappear, maybe back to gambling maybe not, but if it works for you like it works for me keep it up. So happy you and the boys are going away for a few day's and hope you have a great time. As for the people who are no longer in your life, there will be new people, life will go on, but like you say you have the most important people by your side, the boys.

Have a great weekend, catch ya soon.

green x

Enjoy the camping with your boys ands....I hope the sun shines on you all.

Stay strong....Jas xx

Ands,

You have a great time camping, if you were gambling you would not be going anywhere. Things do improve but its a case of slowly slowly etc...

Catch up with you when you get back.

Your friend in recovery.

DT

Hi Ands,

Well done on your progress m8, I hope you have a great weekend and continue to make progress.

Weldy

Day 42, 6 weeks and i have not gambled. Had a good time camping with my boys and weather was good lol! Walked passed several arcades along the seafront, i did not go in them.

I am missing my family and ex friends, stupid realy i know. What was depressing was seeing families, mum, dad and children........i crave for the things i cant have.

Anyway i wont be gambling today.

Take care all and thanks for the posts. ands

Ands,

Pleased you had a good time, you are doing so well. Know what you mean about missing things you no longer have because of gambling, I spend 99% of my waking hours doing the same.

DT

Day 43, i will not gamble today. Feel sad today, mainly because i can not afford another camping trip or holiday this summer. Pathetic i know, 3 nights and its over........was tempted to do a tenner on the scratch cards earlier when went up shop, but i didnt, i suppose i might have won tho! But if i had got them, i guess that would be classed as gambling, or would it?????? Scratch cards are addictive, i know that, so shut up ands......I said i would be honest on my diary so i will be, i feel like i need a quick fix, i am messed up in the head.

Gonna share something which is totally random, i have stole of my parents, they are very wealthy (i know what i have done is wrong tho!) i have forgiven them for what they have done to me, have had a s**t upbringing, lonely childhood, lived 2 mins from arcade for most of my childhood in small seaside town, didn't realy have many friends and spent most of my time in arcades. Used to bunk of school to play fruities, used my dinner money, paper round money and i used to wait for family members to fall asleep then i would steal of them, i became a thief at an early age and carred on doing it for over 21 years, thats sick...........just because i have stopped now it does not make everything alright.

My question to whoever reads this, do we deserve forgiveness? Should we be punished? The quick fix urge is that normal?

Have good gamble free day all, take care ands

Hi ands

Glad you can be honest here. It's one of the important steps to stay off gambling. Being honest with yourself and others.

Do we deserve forgiveness?? Yes we do. But...we need to learn to forgive ourselves first. And that my friend is the most difficult task. We are always the hardest on ourselves. Day by day , tell yourself you were ill while you were gambling.

Gambling addiction is an illness.

Now you are getting better day by day. And as you are getting well, forgive yourself.

As for the quick fix urge..yup that is normal.. again, change of thinking is required. If I think..o*g..I can never gamble again... I think..quick fix or hmmm just the one won't hurt...

If I think...I cannot gamble today....I think...let's go for a walk or sit somewhere quiet and watch the world go by... I can do this...for today.

Hope this makes sense.

God Bless

Charly

Hi Ands,

Well done on resisting the scratchcard temptation, who knows where one slip could lead. Even though it is tempting to have a little flutter, we have all proved that we are powerless over the gambling demons, life would fall apart pretty quickly.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about having a gamble, I think it's such a long habit/obsession/addiction that that is natural.

It beat me completely and I am starting from nothing, I cannot let that happen again however tempting it may feel sometimes.

We all deserve forgiveness, gambling made us do things we are all ashamed of now we look back. I feel thankful that I did not end up in prison because of my addiction, because had I not stopped I would have gone to ANY lengths for more cash, it frightens me who I became.

Didn't realise your parents were well off, if i send you my name and address, can you ask them to send me about £50,000 ? That would get me back on an even keel. Ta.

DT

Hi mate,

Be proud of your short break with the boys mate, i know it was just a short break but it was a break, and more than that your boys have there dad back, me and my Lil one do lots of things that cost nothing but we have such fun doing them and it's just the smile on her face that counts, sure one day i to hope to take her on lots of holidays but for now just giving her a non-gambling dad with a few days away now and again is good.

As for forgiveness, i honestly don't know mate i have done many,many things i to am ashamed of, for me it's up to the individual you have hurt to forgive, and sometimes this takes time, i have hurt my parents probably beyond repair but they are still a part of my life, i can only keep rebuilding the damage i have done in the hope one day i prove i am worthy of forgiveness. The important thing is i no longer gamble, and keep fighting to be the person i know i can be without it.

You are doing great ands, your honesty is an inspiration to me, keep going, keep fighting.

green x

Ands............how about camping in your living room?

Move the furniture back...... get some bangers n beans ......and make the rest up as you go along........??

I know its not quite the same, but im sure you can still have a laugh....

(you could even dress up..... i wont tell if you don't ..lol )

You cant change the past Ands, and as Green says its all about the future now ODAAT 🙂

Look into the faces of those little lads each day and see the reflection of the

HONEST

DECENT

LOVING

Father you are...............Today

I think your the Dogs Ands, Keep going

TC

STAY STRONG

Kim xx