the end of the road, a new start on the way

hi Ands

Great stuff mate, hope you have a great night on saturday.

We are at similar points in recovery, so lets do this together, here for you pal.

neil

Great to hear you sounding happier ands,

Im really glad you have rebuit some bridges with an old friend. I used to feel very hurt and rejected when people weren't 'there for me', but Ive learned that sometimes people just cant cope with distress, its not a reflection of how they feel about you.

You are welcome for the support, although I dont know if Ive really done much except drop the odd line to say 'hang in there'!

I was dead curious when you said on my diary that the coffee morning story really hit some nerves for you...can you explain a bit more if you feel comfortable? dont worry if its a bit too personal to share.

Wow, really look forward to hearing about the weekend you have planned - sounds great, you deserve a treat and to have some FUN! 🙂

f x

Day 96, i have not gambled over weekend.

The show saturday night was really good, infact it was heart warming and made me and my sons sob!

Friday night was just a f*****g waste of time, call it sweet revenge by my so called friend, but hey like i always say what comes areound goes areound... i have now been punished enough for my woos in life!!!!

all i know for sure is that me and my sons have to be and will be strong to take this sh*tty life by the scruff of the neck and do the best we can.

we are alone in our battle, friends suck and so do family!

not going to go on a downer, been their got the T shirt, f*** that!!!

another week starts tomorrow and the job hunting goes full steam ahead!

gambling has made my life kinda lonely and my heart craves for the emotional warmth which i will never have.

but hey, life's what you make it, its just a rollercoaster ride from hell at times!!!!

take care all, thankyou for those posts...ands

Hey Ands, just wish I lived around the corner from you mate. You sound like such a decent soul.

Hi ands

Some days are better than others. Even in recovery we have bad days. The good thing is we don't run up stacks of debt that we can't pay back. We shrug it off the best we can and move forward. As you say your children are your world and through your children you will move forward. The job will come when the time is right. Keep doing the right things and the right things will happen.

Take care

Steve E

Day 97, i will not gamble today.

Wednesday is my nest milestone as it will be 1 month since my one and only slip. Have applied for another job this morning and friday night seems to be out of my system already... No more wallowing in self pity, still taking the meds and back docs this week.

Soon be school run time and i have missed my sons today, funny realy i always find mondays to be the hardest day of the week.

Friday night i went all the way down to W Sussex to see my mate, when i got there he was out and never intended to be in. My boys were knackered when i got home as it took nearly 4 hours to get down there and back. I was P***** of to say the least, but i now know i have to meet some new people to fill the place of my old friends.

So i plod onwards and upwards and hope to get maybe a couple of interviews if lucky...

take care all, ands

Hi ands

Not saying you deserve to be treated like that but things like that will happen. It is a test of your character how you deal with them. I'm sure you'll walk taller for the experience.

Take care

Steve E

Hi Ands,

So sorry to hear about your friday night, what is wrong with people? Pleased you enjoyed saturday and have bounced back again today. Keep going and good things will happen,

Take Care,

DT.

Hi Ands

Hope your feeling a little better, i know only too well that lonely feeling, infact i feel a long story coming on here......maybe save it for another time, basically i went from loads of mates and big family, to a life in a secluded sleepy village with only gambling and my kids for company. That was my life up until not so very long ago. I didnt want to be with anyone, i liked being along with no one to answer to. But i couldnt continue that life, i met someone, made new friends through her and enjoy some good times now. This will happen to you. Probably when you least expect it.

Your doing great keeping away from gambling mate. Take it easy on yourself.

neil

Hi Again

Thanx for your last post mate, you really do talk a lot of sense. And it helps me greatly.Thanx again, enjoy the rest of your evening.

neil

Day 98, i did not gamble today, been doctors and have another supply of antidepressants. Have been refered to see pyscholigist and my doc thinks i have clinical depression. I however tend to disagree, i feel a little depressed but this is mainly due to my past behaviour and the friends, job and family i have lost due to my gambling addiction.... As i said to my doc i believe i am emotionally unstable, hence the nonstop crying, the lack of sleep and the loss of appetite. But my little life will get better and i will be happy at some point!

Have my next instalment of counselling tomorrow and i will be attending, i am going to get all the s**t out my system once and for all, i will live a normal life, i will be the best dad i can be and i will not gamble... Be a month tomorrow since my one and only slip and i am now approaching 100 days of my diary.... So it is defo not all doom and gloom here in SE London, battle on and the light at the end of the tunnel will be reachable. I did start my counselling late in my recovery due to childcare issues, also only recently been put on the meds. So im kinda chuffed with myself..................

good luck to you all in your battles, ands

Hi Ands,

Hope the counselling goes ok today,

Take care,

DT.

Day 99, i did not gamble today. Thanks for your post DT.

Dont realy want to say anything else just not in the mood today! Feel emotionally done in...

take care all, ands

100 days ands think of the money u have saved it may take some of the depression away i think u have done really well treat yourself m8 for hitting a big milestone u deserve it and keep it up

Hi ands

That's exactly it. It is OK to feel not too clever. Recovery isn't about being on top of the world, it is about handling our emotions without running to the escapism of gambling.

Keep posting

Steve E