the end of the road, a new start on the way

Day 100, i will not gamble today!

My one and only slip in this time is now 1 month and 1 day ago. Have no urge to gamble today, quite the opposite........... Guess the healing process is going to take alot of time, regrets and guilt are still there, feel sick, tired and need a hug. The tears still flow and im fep with crying. Feel so dam low, im realy trying!

Thanks for the posts, please dont think i dont care if i dont post back.. its just hard at the moment!.

Hey Ands. Tears are healing.

Buddy, perhaps anti depressants might just help get you back on an even keel. They take time to work I know but hopefully they will take the edge off.

I am proud of you, very proud.

Hey I often think of you, DT and I having a few beers together.

Morning Ands,

Think you are doing great under a lot of presuure. As you say, it's probably time that's going to help, but when u feel low, impatience to feel better is natural.

Keep riding the waves,

DT.

ps.congrats on day 100 - brilliant!

Hi Ands,

Well done on your gambling free time! Stick with it.. keep riding the waves as D.t says. We have to experince the crappy times so we can apprecite the good times. I am the same.. I feel like I am entering difficult times.. but i will stick with the process they call life... one day at a time. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Hi Ands

Chin up mate, you are doing great beating this cr** addiction.

Sorry i had to rush out of chat, somebody came to the door. I saw you asked how old i was when i first went into a bookies. well before summer of 2004 i could count on one hand the times. Then i discovered them fobts arggg, so i would have been 27. Before that tho it was arcades, i could tell you where every single arcade is in manchester city centre, and surrounding areas, i did them all.

All in the past now mate, and im with you all the way, hope the good days come soon rather than later for you. Take it easy pal.

neil

Hi Again (lol)

I will answer your question, infact ill answer anything you ever want to ask.

For me gambling.....i was addicted to fruit machines, big time! Then i discovered these fobts in the bookies. What attracted me was the idea of quick £££...instead of the time wasted on trying to build a decent amount on the fruit machines, i found with these machines i could win or bust in minutes. The idea of lumping £100 on red or black and quickly doubling you stake appealed. Only it was not that easy, who or what is going to give you £100 for pressing a button. These machines know how to beckon you in, and take you to the cleaners, thats all they ever seemed to do to me, but i was hooked and couldnt escape. Only when i reached my own personal rock bottom, did i decide i had to do something, and ended up here and took it from there. The big bets stopped, but id often lapse, a lot smaller stakes, but all the same i continued. Since i joined here in nov08, ive put down in my diary every single gambling episode ive had, some of its not good reading(for me)....but its all there in its glory.

So yes i did get a bigger buzz from fobts, but i would not wish them on my worst nightmare, and they did more damage than fruit machines. Both i avoid now, completley, i had my time with them, somebody elses turn....unfortunatly(for them). Hope that would put u off even thinking of putting £1 into them things. Keep well away mate. have a nice evening.

neil

happy 100th aniversary ands keep it up m8

HIGH FIVE!!!!!!

100 days is a great achievement ands, congratulations 🙂

I see that like me, you are suffering with the ol' mood swings. You were sounding quite positive in your diary on Tuesday, which was only 2 days ago. Sorry you are having a low day.

Glad you are still taking the antidepressants, its not forever. The good news is that your depression came on as a result of addressing your gambling, and the other c**P you've been through lately. This means there is a reason and it hasn't just happened out of the blue. Im sure you will be feeling more positive as the days go by. You are doing brilliantly in a difficult situation!

Its good that you are crying, because it means you aren't bottling everything up. You are letting yourself FEEL the emotions, and come to terms with them.

Keep fighting matey. And dont worry about not posting on other peoples diaries! I understand the feeling of it being 'too much'. I post on yours because I care, not to get support in return.

Hang in there,

f x

Hi Ands

100 days nice work mate, like Freda says emotions are better out than in, think we would all agree there. Life is tough mate, but i truly hope you can see your winning the fight, hope the boy's are well. And for today be proud of your achievement.

I haven't felt like posting much either of late, just not in the mood, have enough going on in my own life, but really am rooting for you keep fighting mate.

stay strong ands.

green x

Day 101, i will not gamble today!

Thank you for your posts and kind words..

take care all, ands

Morning Ands,

Keep going buddy, the mood swings sound so familiar to me, scary because you just want to feel 'normal' again, and quickly. Keep doing what you're doing and time will help the mood level out. Keep posting and keep battling, it's gonna be worth it.

Take care,

DT.

Ands,

thanks for your post. sorry to hear about your friend, you have been through so much! a lot of loss. It didnt depress me, dont worry - thanks for sharing that with me.

no wonder you feel overwhelmed at times! you are much stronger than you realise, you know.

am rooting for you as ever,

f x

Day 102, i will not gamble today.

Thanks for your posts, boys eating breakfast and im gonna have a lazy morning, take boys up to the nature reserve this afternoon, hopefully the sun will come out!

Wished there was a pill which could take away all the pain in life, no urges to gamble, not had any urges now for over a week...

take care all, have good weekend... ands

Hi Ands,

Have a good weekend with your boys and if you find that pill, make sure you tell us all where you got it,

DT.

Hi Ands.. thanks for dropping past. A pill to make lifes troubles disappear would be great wouldn't it. Maybe I will go on Dragons Den with a red smartie.. tell the muti-millionaire Dragons that its got a patent to cure lifes woe's.. but somehow I don't think they will fall for it lol

Have a good and safe weekend.. S.A 🙂