the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi Ands,

Glad to see your going strong my friend, it really is great to see how far you have come and that life is getting a little better, all be it a slow process, Makes me think how long it takes our, well my brain to process all this, i gambled and messed up my life for years, yet i expect it all to go away in a few weeks, that magic pill just ain't there mate, wish it was, the real magic is what we hold in our own brains the power to 'fix' ourselves, and move on to be better and happier people, and it truly is amazing that we have this power, you, me and many others here are living proof of that, I'm not saying it's easy, far from it, but hey we are all in some way working our own 'magic' on this b*****d.

Keep going mate, have a great weekend with the boys.

green x

Hi Ands

Hope yu had a good day, nature reserve sounds good fun for the kids, hope the sun was out, it aint here!

Just a quiet weekend for me, kids will take up all my time, only 2 and 4, can be quite hard sometimes, and thats just every other weekend, so hats off to you, being a full time parent is very hard, many men would not realise that, but i do. Something to be proud of my friend, and the kids will return the favour and look after you when your old and grey :-]. take care.

neil

Day 103, i will not gamble today! thankyou for the posts...

Boys in garden playing and im cooking roast dinner, be 5 weeks wednesday since my one and only slip and the urge to gamble has really started to fade away. Its the living with the consequences of the addiction, once i can finally lay this to bed then i can truly move on with my life...As far as the depression just gonna have to *** on, carry on with the job hunting monday... Self pity stage and feeling sorry for myself has to be put behind me... Change the mindset and thinking process and on i go!

Got me hiking boots on and ready for the climb lol!

take care all, ands

Day 104, i will not gamble today!

Nothing else to say today, not in the mood but have to continue with my diary to stay focused, and i will!

take care all, ands

Glad to hear you are still sounding positive ands,

Everyone has bad days, as long as they are gradually reducing in frequency why worry?

Cant keep a good man down!

f x

Hi Ands,

Day 104 each day passing gamble free is a better day. i don't usually read back in my diary but did tonight, i needed some reasurence on how far i had come, Sometimes we need to look back to see how far we have come, and you have come a long way mate.

keep going, keep strong.

green x

Sorry if I was being selfish in chat tonight - I was just talking about the way I felt, but maybe that meant that other people couldnt get a word in edgeways!

Do you think I hog the conversations? Sometimes I sit and type nothing on purpose, but no one else starts to talk instead.

I think DT is great too - I think it might be a mistake if he starts gambling again, but thats just my perspective. He has to do what he thinks is best, and I will support him whatever he chooses.

Hope you are ok ands, you are a lovely bloke. I like to listen to what you think.

Take care,

f x

Day 105, i will not gamble today!

Thankyou for your posts. Be 5 weeks tomorrow since my one and only slip. I seem to be getting obsessed with counting days at the moment.

My boys drew me some realy nice pictures before school one was of me playing football, and my eldest drew a picture of me crying, i asked why?? my eldest son said you look so sad and unhappy, then he gave me a big hug! He's only 9 nearly 10, very sensitive, caring little boy. Bless them both, they want to see there dad with a smile on his face, so tonight we gonna do some face painting.... love my sons.. just cant seem to shake the depression of at the moment and its doing my f*****g head in!

take care all, ands

Darn depression ands. It really is a begger. Hope it lifts soon. I have had it on and off for years but it does eventually go.

Thinking of you.

Hi Ands

Its suprising what kids pick up on, my eldest is only 4, yet some of things she comes out with!!

There seems to be a air of low feelings going around, not just on this site, but in general. A lot of very worried people out there, that was me just a month ago, but i try to work on turning things around, its bloody hard mate, somedays we just want to be locked away in a dark room all alone.

You are not using this to go and gamble though, that says something. Take care mate, and hope the low moods lift in the coming weeks for you.

NNS (ps,name change,neil.)

Hi Ands,

Ive been dogged by depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I was talking to a trusted soul today and he just kind of reminded me that so do many many people.. it seems an epidemic in westerm societies. he's quite pragmatic in many ways.. and simply suggested that i may have to live with a level of depression forever and a day.. its just a question of managing it and not letting it become severe. Strangely that thought did not depress me further but actually lifted my mood.. lol ho hum i just get on with living.. take care from a temporarilly not depressed S.A 🙂

Day 106, i did not gamble today...

5 weeks today since my one and only slip, so progress being made........Went to counselling session today and it was very productive and i never cried today, yay!!!

Counselling is emotionally hard and painful but i am going to take this opportunity and get all my issues out for good.... Feel all over the place not sure of its the meds or just me, lol.. I will sort my life out and i will not gamble,

Life goes on, so f*** it, i will do my best to improve my standing in society and i will be honest (seem to be somewhat obsessed with honesty, its a refreshing feeling not lying and its f*****g good!)....

thankyou for your posts you have no idea how much they help! take care all, ands

Hi Ands

Its good you have someone to talk to about any problems, and honesty is certainly a must. Gambling makes us into liars, beacuse we have to lie our way out of difficult situations ie.. wheres your money gone? you coming out this weekend? fancy dinner out? all questions answered with lies coz we blew all our money in some machine, we can hardly say that can we, and them lies continue into everyday life. I hated lying, i still do, and can say i try never even to tell a while lie these days.

I saw you thread about honesty on this forum, i agree with you, some people come on here and fail to mention a blip or slip up, maybe because they are embarrased or whatever, but they are only fooling themselves and pretty much pointless carrying on with a recovery diary. The whole idea is to find out why we do this to ourselfs, and if people think every thing is ok, you wont get the proper suppport and advice needed. Sorry to go on, sometimes i cant stop once i get started, but im deadly serious about giving this b******t up and have strong views, i usually tend to stick to diaries who i know really want to end problem gambling and are taking it as serious as me. Take care mate.

NNS

Hi ands. Depression? Well can`t really say much Talking therapy is good, which you are doing.

I was taught that depression is anger that we don`t express and we turn it in back on ourselves. I guess it`s about how we react to our own actions or indeed react to the things that are imposed on us by life. I am a big thinker and | believe that is something that can make you very depressed. Also there is the element of some people fearing the worst can happen. I, sadly am one of those people and yet, 99% of what we fear never comes to pass. I believe it`s that fear that drives many to gamble.

I also think some are more likely to become depressed than others. However depression passes for most people. All I can say is stay connected to your counselling and here my friend.

Ands this will possibly go down as one of the most useless posts ever but i find it a hard one to give advice on.

Think, we are not bad people just people who have been sick trying to get better and you certainly are doing that.

You are a nice, sensitive bloke ands and as for tears you let them flow. No one would think the worse of you for that.

Morning Ands,

You are doing great, keep going, it's all gonna be worth it in the end. We can all learn so much from this battle. I think what Graham said was very true about depression. As your mood levels out, things will improve, just keep on bobbing and weaving.

Take care,

DT.