the end of the road, a new start on the way

Day 120, and yes you've guessed it, i have not gambled today..........

Another nice day 2 in a row, just proves life can be good! My thoughts today are with DT and Neil, never met you guys but s**t, i genuinely care........all the best to both of you. ands

Hi ands.. well done on another day gambling free! 🙂

Thanks for dropping past my diary.. don't worry about not knowing what to say.. your welcome to just to burp lol ... its just nice to get replies ... if you wanna say what your boys had for tea thats cool as well ... anyway im slightly lost for words now so all the best and here's to another gambling free day... S.A 🙂

Morning Ands,

Hope you are ok. Thanks for your support, it's great to get a message on your diary and that somebody cares. I like reading 'guess what I didn't gamble today' on your diary, it makes an average day a really good one.

Keep battling,

DT.

Day 121, i will not gamble today!

Lol, thanks for those posts, having a realy nice week with my sons, will be so very gutted on monday when they back at school! But hey still have 2 more days then weekend..........Soon be christmas and this year is going to be so very different... No stealing and pressies under the tree, that thought alone makes me feel warm inside!

Thanks again for the posts, they help so much.....take care all, ands

ps, i have had no urges to gamble now for over a week.......so i plod onwards and slowly, very slowly upwards. Oh and i think the meds are kicking in now too!! Been a realy hard few months but i believe there is a light at the end of my tunnel and its getting closer, well it f*****g better be, lol...

Hello Ands,

Well you are one hell of a guy! I read your diary from the beginning wednesday(shame you deleted some, but I think I get the gist of it & why)

You have gone through so much in the past 121 days. Many would of fallen by the wayside already, but not you.

Andy that shows so much strength of character, the 'real' you is fighting & trying to shine through all the mess that gambling has brought you.

Ultimately a person has to stop gambling for themselves, not anyone else... but your 'added carrot' is of course the outstanding love that you have for your boys.

The caring father that you are & the deep love that you have, will & has already taken you through some difficult, often dark times that challenge us in life.

Many cg's have found themselves resorting to similar activities you did, to just 'survive'. Finding themselves in situations that they never dreamt possible.

It can be a very slippery slope & one thing, leads to another before you know it.

But all of that, you have firmly put where it belongs... in the past. For the sake of yourself & your boys.

I have immense respect for your honesty Ands. Throughout your diary you take full responsibility for your actions, both past & present.

You 'survived' the uncertain future of your boys, only to find the next day that you had lost your job.... Many would of been eager to shift the blame & head off to 'numb' themselves from the situation by gambling... but you didnt... you faced your responsibilities, head on.

Its good to read that you & the boys are having fun this half term... these are the kind of memories they will look back on in time. Those of a father who cares for them and is truly with them and not just a dad thats there physically in the house but moody & mentally thinking about getting out for the next punt!

So well done Andy for all that you have & are doing towards your recovery and the recovery of your little family. You will, I'm sure in time, reap the rewards of your hard work. Its not a race and odaat is all it takes my friend.

A new job & good future will come but in the mean time, don't forget that you are already doing the most important & hardest job in the world... raising your sons.

Stay strong

Jackie

Man, I am so proud of you.

YBIR, Graham

Yay! well done ands,

Really happy for you that you are starting to feel a bit better. You deserve it!

Take care,

f x

Day 122,123,124 and 125, i have not gambled and will not gamble today!

Thank you for the posts on my diary........

Have had a nice weekend, boys back at school and am still job hunting....My house is very quiet and i feel quite sad, my mood however i believe has lifted slightly and thats mainly due to a nice week with my sons.

I am making progress on my recovery tho, my one and only slip is getting further and further behind me now, (nearly 2 months) so im doing kinda ok!!

take care all, ands

Hi Ands,

You are doing more than kinda ok, this is hard, but it's great to hear your mood is improving. Hope something materialises work-wise for you, the busier we get, the easier it becomes(I hope).

Take care,

DT.

Day 126, i have not gambled today..

Nothing else to say today apart from on i plod!

take care all, ands

High five!

f x

Hi ands,

Glad things are OK mate, i haven't been posting or reading as much this past week or so, just feel like it's time to move on a little, and concentrate on 'life' in the big wide world a little more. I will be around and following you for a while yet though.

I have said it before and will again, your a great dad ands it's clear to see your love for the boys, just keep going up days, down days, as long as we don't gamble they are better days.

take care my friend speak soon.

green x

Funny realy, have the urge to post on my diary...Late at night just dont feel tired, sorry going to do some reflecting on lessons learnt so far... Honesty, something so very important which was lacking from my life until now _even tho its like an obsession for me now, lol!

I dont miss my family in my life anymore, me and my sons are doing just fine......Like i said before they never where like a family anyway.......They dont care about my sons at all, that used to hurt me inside, but now i know its their loss....I gambled in the past and done some bad things, but i have never neglacted my sons and i never ever will...I am a good dad, so i am proud of myself for that, s**t i have just complimented myself, lol!

If we realy want to change we can and we will, life is hard, we have made it a whole lot harder by gambling..Flashing lights, a tray of pound coins, mind numbing noise, waiting for that jackpot which comes at such a heavy cost, mentaly and financially, the gut wrenching feelings of complete lack of self control, the walk hom (the walk home, you know what i mean!)..........Gambling is f*****g s**t, it takes us into our own little worlds of self destruction and heartache......I, at times have poured my heart out on this diary, something i thought i would never do. But i have and it has helped me imensely, and i thank all those who have followed my diary, my ups and downs and my shitties! All your support and advice has been great. I thank gamcare also, i had no support at all apart from this website which has been a crutch for me, amazes me how and why its helped so much....

The past has to be laid to rest and that is exactly what i am working on now. being honest i am still working who i realy am.. All very confusing, but hey thats life!

So basically gambling destroys your life if you let it, we all have choices, so i will not gamble.........Tomorrow will be another day i will not gamble, from the words of a very wise SA, one day at a time.......

Hi ands,

A good read.. o the walk home.. i know exactly how you feel with that one. Like you say.. gambling is s**t.. no future to be found there.

Am not sure how wise I am this morning.. ive just been grumbling about Ga.. even when i think its great really.. think am just a bit tired with a slight strop on this morning. lol

Anyway hope you and the boys have a great day.. S.A 🙂

Morning Ands,

Great to read your last post. Complimenting yourself- don't get cocky - nobody likes a show off! ;-), really pleased that the fog is gradually clearing for you,

Brilliant,

DT.