As I type this, I'm in front of a bookies shop, calling on friends to borrow money as I have gambled with all the money I came with and some more.
This is not the first time this is happening, it's not the 100th time neither the 1000th time, and every G*****n time, I keep making a promise to myself that it's the last time.
I've been on this platform before, I've gone to a therapist before, I've tried to fast and pray.....nothing seems to work. I must even admit that I tried to avoid this forum because of their people's relapse stories, going 7 years GF (not my story, someone else's) and relapsing is quite discouraging to be honest and reading things like that makes it feel like no light at the end of the tunnel.....or maybe its just an excuse from me not to try.
Someone just sent me money now, it's more than what I owe, I have paid exactly what I owe, I'm going downstairs to eat(there is a restaurant down the bookies shop) and drive home, id continue this some other time.
Sorry if my writing is incoherent, I'm just writing thoughts as they come.
What I hope to get out of this? I hope this is my last time gambling, I hope I get to make reasonable choices from today hence forth
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