the first day of the rest of my life

Well done maddie on your 9 weeks.Fantastic!

Don't mind those urges..just kick em aside.

Have a great weekend and stay strong!

Viggo.

Its so nice to read about others beating their demons Im not ashamed to admit that tears are streaming down my face writing this as I'd dearly love to be in the same boat

Well done Maddie you are a star x

Well done on reaching the 9 week milestone Maddie....,keep up the good work!!!.

Seano.

have had such a good week with new job and all, but I saw my daughter yesterday when I collected my grandson, and I cannot take much more of being on the outside of her life, particularly when she is very near having her baby. She had a few problems this week, my grandson tells me, he has also been quite poorly, and I do not know these things. It makes my heart ache with pain my stomach twists and I want to cry. We were so close and I cannot take much more. this last cooling off is because i didnt tell her I had left my last job.I only stayed there a few weeks because it was totally wrong. Not once had she asked how I was getting on there, so I never mentioned it, I just got on with searching for a new one. The new job has not been mentioned. The events of yesterday led me to log into a gambling site and I went to deposit, then stopped myself, not sure how because the red mist had descended and I didnt care. But I came out of it and moved the laptop (my husbands) into the room where he was decorating. I came so close to blowing it all last night because my heart is breaking and I cannot fix it. what can I do??

Maddie,i'm sorry that your feeling so emotional about the situation with your Daughter....,i have been through similar with my eldest Daughter,so i can understand how you are feeling,has your Husband tried to mediate with her on your behalf?,perhaps that may help.Well done on resisting that huge temptation to gamble ...,i believe it's actually a need to punish ourselves because we feel worthless at times such as you are experiencing at the moment that brings these urges to the fore.Stay strong,and i'm sure in time you will become closer to her.

Seano.

9 weeks maddie marvelous 🙂 im like you havin family issues at the moment and had massive urges last sat but best thing is were both still hanging on abstaining and that can only be a good thing.,best wishes we can do this 😉

Hi Maddie,

Thanks for your post on my diary. I can relate to a lot of your experiences with family stuff, although I am not a mother myself. I also get the real gut-wrenching pain, when family members are cold toward me. It is very, very hard - I really do sympathise.

I feel like a complete outcast in my family - I have never fitted in - although I try to remind myself that it is partly my choice to distance myself from them, so when Im not included in things its partly my own doing.

9 weeks is a fantastic achievement!!! Im so impressed that you got as far as almost depositing then pulled back. That is not easy to do, because by that point you have already promised yourself that 'fix'. I feel like you are really putting a lot of energy into recovery and trying very hard. I hope you can really respect yourself for this.

Your confidence will grow with every painful day that you spend in reality and recovery.

It does get easier, or did for me (but then i got complacent, and allowed myself to get dragged back in) such a waste after all the effort I put in.

I think what I am trying to say, is that I very much regret falling off the wagon after a longish period of abstinence - it really isn't worth it. You dont set yourself back to square one with one slip, but you certainly set yourself way back.

Hang in there, I wish I had done! 🙂

Take care,

f x

Maddie,

Oh i got goose bumps when i read your post i thought please dont say you gambled not now not after all the good things that have happened. Thank goodness you didnt! Do you think you might have been giving yourself a little test? to see if you could be strong and resist? Well you might not realise it but thats what it seems like - my friend - please please if you want to give yourself a test again think of the answers before the questions!

Look us dollys are in this together you support me i support you, everyone on here wants to help, so when it arises please call or text or come on here! we have said it before that, now we are not so compelled to gamble we have that split second where we have to make a choice, you know that split second is when you pick up your phone, close the laptop and walk away.

You did well Maddie, you chose not to do it, try not to punish yourself for things that you cannot control and concentrate on the things you can control. Your new job is a great step for you, i understand its tricky for you to put a block on your works computer but i think your husbands idea is maybe worth thinking about a bit more?

Its only because i care and really do want you to quit for ever i am sure you understand thats why i have perhaps been a bit hard on you!!

we can do it and we will!!

take care

love linda x x x

I forgot to say 9 weeks is bloody brilliant!!! well done!!

thinking of you!!

love linda x x

Hi Maddie

You ask What can i do? Regarding the rift with your daughter.Of course we all feel for you in this situation.I will say this Maddie 9 weeks ago you were at the end of your tether with gambling .Well what a change we have all witnessed with you.What will the next few weeks bring ?Nobody knows but it shows that the old saying Time is a great healer is true.I hope all goes well for you Maddie.Look how strong you have become.Even when the red mist is around you still managed to repell the gambling urges.Excellent Jeff.

Thank you so much my dear friends for your support, I should have rung you Linda, but I did not want to put a downer on your night out. i survived though and didnt do it which as jeff says is a huge step. I really do not want my old life back but I cannot seem to cope well without the love of my daughters. GA says dont allow yourself to be hurt, I do not know how I stop it, because it rips my inside out and twists it. I will try not to wallow in the situation, I just think it is worse because she is carrying a baby, her daughter, my grandchild, that I may never have the chance to share with her if things carry on the way they are. My other daughter is back from Greece now and hopefully I may get a chance to talk it over with her, she is arranging the baby shower for next weekend and I need to know whether to go or not. I will be strong with all your help thank you again for being there xxxx

Maddie,

I have got a dodgy internet connection!! will try agin later!! xxxxx

thinking of you - take care

love linda xxxxx

Maddie,

9 weeks is amazing - keep it going.

Sorry to hear about the problem with your daughter - please keep your chin up and keep chipping away at the issue.

However bad it is, gambling is not the answer. You know that as well as I do.

Take care,

Scunnered

Hey Maddie,

Just dropped in to let you know we're all rooting for you, and to let you know how well you did not to follow through on the urge to deposit and gamble.

As another poster said, I think we often think of gambling as escapism, but during a losing streak I sometimes thought of it as my punishment too. We have had enough punishment with this vice, now that you know you have the strength to go to the very edge and pull back I hope you can go on without gambling.

As for the family issues, just keep giving it the best you can, and I hope it'll work out for you.

All the best,

RYan

Hey Maddie,

Well done on the 9 weeks and an even bigger well done for resisting those sites. What a big achievement!

I really feel for you and your situation with your daughter, I hope it gets resolved soon, she needs you and you need her.

Keep strong xx