the first day of the rest of my life

So sorry to hear that you had a blip - let that be a final lesson to you as to where you keep your money. None of us can be trusted with any large amounts of money at the moment in this very difficult time of recovery - I already have plans on what to do with the extra money that I will be having each month once my credit card debt is finally cleared next year as even after a year of no gambling, those evil demons will still be around us.

Don't get too worked up about it and be careful about getting yourself so engrossed into your work. Yes, it's great to be up to our eyes in work (I am too!) as long as we plan our leisure time carefully - just don't make that wrong turn again!

All the very best with your new road to recovery.

Maddie,

So pleased you have settled back down again!

Think i might have worried you with my status on Fbook! i wasnt referring to gambling though it was a man thing!!lol I hope your family things sorted out ok?

Will catch up with you properly really soon, have had trouble connecting on the internet all weekend so thought i would just quickly say hello for now!!

Keep moving forwards you are really doing great, it doesnt matter about the "learning curve" if you dont make mistakes and learn from them then how do you know you have actually learnt anything at all??

love to you Maddie x x from linda x x

thank you guys and gals, I do not feel much like posting at the moment, I dont seem to have much to say that is interesting. Suffice to say that at the moment I am trying to get a new (difficult) job sussed and gambling is far from my mind, I need to inject some fun into my life but as this is the anniversay of losing my Mum this week I suppose I am a little morose. I do read your diaries and wish you all good wishes on your roads to recovery. Be back in a few days maddie xxx

Good wishes to you too Maddie, Hope your week gets better and better

Teresa

Dearest Maddie,

I know today is a really sad day for you and just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you!

Take care Maddie you are doing a great job on your journey to recovery even though life seems to be full of

sorrows for you there is a bright light ahead.

x x x linda x x x

Thank you Linda & Teresa,

Today has been sad, one cannot help reliving days like these, even at my age I feel like I need my Mum to sort out my problems and get my family back on track which she would have if she was here, I have coped and not been morose at work, shed a few tears at the crematorium, but i havent gambled and that is good. I know life will get better one day and my kids will come back, I just have to try not to get so hurt.

anyway onwards and upwards, if you do the right thing then the right thing will happen, hope you are doing well, love Maddie xx

Hi Maddie,

You are doing the right thing so the right thing will definately happen for you. Your new arrival (grand daughter!) will be here soon and i think that will also bring new beginnings with your daughter. You are doing the one most important thing and that is recovering. You said you are proud of me, thank you!, and i am very proud of you too! You have this new job and all its pressures but you are still here still working towards your goals. My children were really hurt and confused when I split with their dad, they all thought i was wrong and didnt see what I had to put up with, but my friends told me to give them time and they will come round. They did come round. all of them eventually!, it doesnt happen overnight and you must try to remember they do have their own lives to lead aswell now. Time and perserverance will heel and you will gain your daughters respect and trust again. She does still love you, yesterday probably put some thoughts in her mind too, about what it feels like when your mum is no longer here for you.

As for my energy I wish i could bottle some and send it to you!! its not always a good thing living with the constant feeling of ants in your pants!! lol

And as for femme fatale more like femme fatality! they are only dropping at my feet because i cause disaster every where I go! Bull in a china shop!!

Take care Maddie and onwards and upwards we will go!!

love windyloux x xx

maddie...sorry to read your feeling down...ive got similar family problems at the minute...the main thing is to stay focused and bet free because as you know gambling will only add to our troubles...best wishes and thinking of you....we can do this 🙂

can i call it 3 months and 1 blip, because tomorrow it will be 12 weeks. I am proud of myself with all the emotions that are running through me right now, the blips could have continued. work is turning round and i am enjoying it now and feel much more comfortable.

having a clear head helps!!

back later........

Hi Maddie,

Glad to read you are feeling a little more settled and sorted. Starting a new job is so nerve wracking and takes up a lot of energy! Consider that you are dealing with an addiction and also family issues and you are talking major stress!

You are doing fantastically. Lapses happen, as long as they are rare and you learn from them, try not to worry too much.

Take care,

f x

Hey Maddie,

I think you can hold your head up high after three months, one blip should not distract from that.

You're making good progress in conquering the addiction, and on the job side at least you seem to be moving forward too. As others have said you can't change the past in relation to your daughter, just keep showing her who you are now, and she will be able to see the change and will come around.

All the best,

ryan

Hey Maddie,

Hope all is well with you are feeling positive and upbeat.

I have just cleaned my house from top to bottom and just going to go and make some food! Take care x

Feeling good today, seen both daughters, one for coffee which was great, difficult one just for 5 mins but had a nice card from her thanking me for baby gifts. She even managed a smile, cannot get my hopes up too high as we have been here before only to find she goes off again at the slightest thing.But fingers crossed we stay going forward this time. Everything would be so different if we all made friends again, but I am just going to fill my time and stop looking backwards, I am doing well, I am coping with allsorts of things with my new job and am proud of myself. i will be content with that for now. I do thank you for reading my posts and supporting me I would still be gambling if it was not for you all. xxx

Hi Maddie,

Good to hear daughters are both in contact and even a little quick smile is better than no smile? Your job is keeping you busy and that cant be bad can it? Well all this support we are all getting must be doing the world of good everyone is doing so well and we must all keep posting and reading diaries and not get complacent!

The shoes, Maddie, how can a girl loose a pair of shoes on a date??? actually they were a present from my dad and i have just bought identical pair as his sense of humour is somewhat lacking when it comes to me loosing things!! Any how the shoes were last seen in a pair on the end of my legs about 8pm, think i might have left them on the train or in the taxi but no worries as have now new pair so cinderella will go to the ball!! Probably come home a pumpkin though!!

Well done at sticking to your resolve we will do this with a little help from our friends!!

Take care

love linda x x

anyone fancy starting a campaign against getting tv gambling adverts banned, I feel so strongly about this! but do not really know where to start...........