the first day of the rest of my life

Another gamble free week, so feeling good about my recovery, still no baby ...she is due today. Am enjoying myself at work, and felt very proud to be given 1000 company shares so early on in my employment, I am not sure I understand what the paperwork means but hey!!!

All I need to work on is the fun in my life, not much of that at the moment and dont know where to start particularly, but I am sure that will come. Hope everyone else is doing well, best wishes Maddie xxx

Hi Maddie!!

Lovely to hear your feeling good about your recovery ! I think its when we start to feel good about it that is the real penny dropping " hey we can do this !" we have to believe in ourselves first of all, as ultimately it is our journey and if we dont think we can get to the end we will not.

Any sign of little baby yet?? how exciting!!

Right so now on to the "not much fun in my life!!" dont do this Maddie I know exactly what you are saying and where it is coming from! I know you are not tempted to gamble at the minute but i fear you are still clinging on to this idea that it was the only fun you have!! FORGET IT!! you know its not fun its torture you masachist!! lol

let it go sweetie please!! If you want to have some fun then lets arrange a meet and we can go and have a giggle i promise you that fun is something that comes from within its not a trip to a casino or an online gamble site!!

You are a lovely person with a sense of humour so lets make the most of it and contact me for a meet??

Well done for all your hard work Maddie,its not been easy for you but you are turning things around like you hoped you could, so now start to enjoy yourself and stop hanging onto these feelings of guilt.

love to you dolly2!

dolly1 x x x aka linda x

thank you dolly 1, your words mean so much....i did drop you a message on facebook about meeting up, perhaps it went into the ether somewhere! I hear what you are saying sweetie about the fun element versus gambling. i will work on it I promise, and i am beginning to have a giggle with the girls at work. so i know normality is out there somewhere. thanks sweetie xxx

Hey Maddie,

Hope you are keeping well. Any news on the new baby? I am sure you are really excited and anxious. So happy to hear you are still gamble free, you are doing really well and must feel brilliant.

Take care and keep strong x

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

on the safe arrival of your beautiful grandaughter!!!

I am so happy for you that you were able to build a few bridges with your daughter and now the day has arrived you are there with your new addition to the family, as you should be! All your hard work has definately paid off! Big hug for Maddie!!!

Lots of love, thinking of you, linda x x x

Congratulations maddie on the birth of your granddaughter...looks like things are well on the up for you....I'm really pleased for you...best wishes we can do this 🙂

Hi Maddie,

congratulations on the birth of your grand daughter! gambling will seem soooo boring, with a gorgeous grand daughter to squish!

Take care,

f x

Thanks everyone, I am indeed a very proud grandma right now, she is of course the most beautiful baby ever born, and I have had a couple of cuddles with her now. Not presuming too much but things have improved between me and my daughter, and she is contacting me daily at the moment. I will not let them down i will keep focused, on this recovery now so I can share my new grandchild and be there when and if my daughter needs me. I am using the advice from my counselor when I feel myself weakening and Iknow now that I have to watch all of my compulsive behaviour, it is not just gambling, there is so much more. I hope everyone is doing well and wish you all the best in your recovery, we ARE doing this xx

Great news re the new Grandaughter Maddie,hope she and her mum are thriving :).

Seano.

Another week has passed and am still gamble free, the baby is a week old today, and I have had a couple of cuddles which is lovely. I am almost scared to say that things are good right now, I have even managed to lose a few lbs (the correct ones this time) and feel much more in control of my life at the moment. Long may it last!!!

Feeling good...........：ｏ）　ｘｘｘｘｘ

Maddie

Well done loosing the pounds and saving the pounds you are doing a fab job!! and new grand daughter is soooo lovely! i want one!!

Dont quite know what the last bit of your post is??? are you swearing? no of course not!

Well dont be scared to say things are looking good because they certainly are and its all down to your determination and will to put things right. You and only you are making things right its not you sitting on the sidelines its you doing it! well done Maddie your a top Dolly!!

love Linda x x x

Yo Maddie

What you doing way out on page 4!! Have been a non posting follower of your diary and supportive postings on others! Sending over a huge pat on the back!

Keep up battling the urge and picking up all the tools required enroute, great to hear yet another tool added to your repertoire [g/kiddy]. Depts dwindling and the connection with your counsellor, probably think its not so important why! can complicate things when maybe the answers pretty simple! ie lonliness/emptiness!! Hence them voids filled with our tools/friends/family etc = happy days!

Probably pretty riddle yap there. Anyway carry on being here and staying a player in this community of ours!

Have a superb weekend. Good luck

Huge milestone reached this week all debt to eldest daughter paid off, must have been nearly 30k with the interest and it is now all done!! Only £636 left for no 2 daughter so nearly there!! I did expect bells whistles and fanfares to go off when the payment left my account, so it was a bit of an anticlimax when nothing happened!! My daughter and son in law are very pleased that the money has been paid off, and my daughter is taking me out to dinner in a week or so. So all good. My granddaughter is doing well and so is mum and we are moving forward slowly, so all good. hope you all are doing well in your abstinance and that good things are happening for you. xx

Hey Maddie,

Good things are happening for you!! whoop whoop!!! i think you deserve fanfares and bells and fireworks and anything else you fancy to celebrate the amazing task of repaying such a fantastic amount of money you really really have done fantasticly well!!

unfortunately your daughter cannot show you the same enthusiasm as it will appear that she condones what happened and all is now well! for her own mind she has to to put up this firm front and whilst she is pleased its all over she cannot crumble her ressolve but believe me she is melting slowly and in a little while she will be more melted than frozen!! i dont mean that disrespectfully to you or your daughter if she is a little drop of you then she is a gem! but you have to follow her game plan to get to the end and hard as that may seem it is probably the only way! so hold on to your dreams sweetie you will get there!! and always remember those magical words i heard in the Alps "madame ze elmit is for ze hed not fur ze sandvich!!!" bet that made you smile!!!

love you loads my dolly in crime!!!

linda x x x

Linda, I have told everyone about ze elmit, it is still making me laugh, guess what my counsellor is only leaving in 3 weeks, I havent finished off her career before you ask, but I now have to swap to another one mid way through...what a bummer....!!! talk soon lovely dolly drop xxxx