the first day of the rest of my life

Long time no post, but life has taken another turn for me. Life was getting back on track, when my hisband of 22 years decided he needed some space from me and has moved out back home with his Mum! Amazingly we are still on very amicable terms and which ever way this goes, I hope that it stays like that. I am enjoying some time at home on my own, relaxing and doing as I please which does NOT include gambling, which I feel proud to be able to say. I am loving spending time with my new grand daughter, and life with my family is improving. Sadly this all seems to be at my husbands expense. Time will tell if there is enough to keep us together.

Good to hear from you maddie....sorry to hear of your separation but happy to read your happy enough elsewhere and not gambling..a big pat on the back for that as separation can be very stressful and allow them gremlins a chance...stay strong lass,we can do this ;-)....P.s any news on lindy...i know you exchanged numbers and she hasnt posted for while either.,tell me to mind my own business i suppose..

Sorry to hear about this but really glad that you are still very good friends, long may this continue!

And so pleased that you are keeping those evil demon gambling thoughts away. Now is the time when they will prey on very vulnerable people and you must be one of their prime targets at the moment.

So, PLEASE...

...fight them off! And you can! And when you do, you will feel so proud of yourself!

Stay very strong and enjoy being able to do what YOU want to do at the moment.

October (52 days to go)

Thanks wp and November, I am coping with living on my own quite well, no gambling urges to speak of which is good, enjoying being able to make my own decisions, and do what I want. I am still having counselling and learning so much from it. I hope that all my friends on here are managing to stay gamble free.

Reached a huge milestone this week in my relationships with the family. My daughter asked me to have the new baby overnight to allow her to have sometime with her hubby, so BOTH grandchildren came to stay!!! This along with being told that even in our darkest times I would have been trusted with the children has me walking on cloud 9. What a fool I would be to upend this now. No gambling for me today.

and just a few short months ago your family wouldnt entertain you maddie....amazing what stopping gambling can do...really pleased for you...best wishes we can do this 😉

Thanks wp - and yes you are so right,things have taken a turn for the better but this is a place I have been before, but blew it all in heartbeat, this time I will not gamble and ruin everything, with the gamcare site and counselling I know i am giving myself a REAL chance this time. My focus is on moving forward and not dwelling on the past, although I have to sometimes bring the pain to the front of my mind just to give myself a jolt, so as not to get complacent. Today I will not gamble.............

please don't give up on me i have been good last bet was on SAT 18th SEPT 2010 , FIVE DAYS OF NO BETTING I AM GETTING THERE I WAS BETTING EVERYDAY NOT ANY MORE . I am so happy now

Another week gone by of no gambling. Loosing track now of the length of time but know that any serious stuff happened back in March, when there was not much contact with my family. Since then there has been a couple of small glitches by which I mean small amounts of money, not a bank emptying jobby!!! still not proud of it, but many weeks have passed since that happened. Life continues to be good - enjoying my counselling with my new counsellor. I wasnt sure how I would cope with the change but I like him and we have connected. He challenges me, and put things into perspective and is gradually teaching me coping mechanisms. I am enjoying life living on my own, I feel I have been suffocated of late and now I am standing on my own 2 feet it feels good, particularly as I have kept away from gambling. Anyone out there who doesnt believe that stopping with this addiction will improve their life should know that it so does, to be clear in your mind on what you are doing and being able to choose not to do it, is great. Once you go back for that first bet, the choice goes and you get back in way up to your neck, worse than before. I hope my lesson has been learned this time. I value my time with my family, I value my friends, my work and appreciate money a little more..... all positive in my book.

Oh Maddie, I have had a blip. But I am determined not to give in. I had a moment of weakness and should have reined myself in. I feel quite low but I need to snap out of it. I have enough money to get me through the rest of the month but so angry that I have denied myself the money I lost.

Glad to hear you doing well. Keep strong x

Life still goes on, but I did fall off the b l o o d y wagon again, why is this so difficult?? This time I suppose on the upside I have identified the trigger and have sorted it out the best I can. The outcome tho of my craziness means that I have now broken the mortgage arrangement that I had and it was my last chance so I am not sure what will happen now. Am I not going to be content until I have lost everything? sometimes I do wonder. I am going on a date tomorrow, how weird is that. 22 years with the same man and now I am dating. Relationship still good with my daughters I do hope that I can refocus and stop being so damed stupid. Not gambled for 2 weeks but only because I have no money!!!

Hi Maddie,

Been reading your diary with interest, you seem like a really nice, family person who like us all get addicted to this horrible industry, but despite the slips, you seem so detirmined because you know you dont want gambling in your life anymore.

I wish you all the best and good luck on the date, no tongues though lol

Smokey x

Oh maddie !!! Not so good news. ...its not easy by any means but I was hoping for a better post. ..dust yourself down and try again lassie, its no the end of the world but I think you may have to read and POST more regulary...sorry for giving you a yellow card but I just KNOW you can do it 😉

Thank you smokey and I need the yellow card wp, and a slap wouldnt go amiss either ... I get to this place so often when family rifts are healing and I blow it all sky high again, I will post again regularly and will get back to supporting others...It works I know that I CANNOT blow it up this time, I will NEVER be allowed back in so onwards and upwards.

Hey maddie, I know how u feel. We need to keep posting on our diaries and accept that we can never control our gambling. We can do it, I am so determined and look forward to payday so I can go Xmas shopping and buy my loved ones presents and not hand my money over to the gambling sites. Take care x