the first day of the rest of my life

Hey Maddie,

Just thought I'd drop in with some best wishes, though I'm as likely to find you on Linda's diary as I am here!

That interview you had with that guy sounds proper crazy! Best of luck anyway, a 2-day week could leave you with time for another job too!

All the best

Ryan

Thanks Ryan and all for your lovely comments. 7 weeks today, but have struggled this week more than the previous couple of weeks. But resolve still strong but know that I still could not be trusted with a bank card. have got some insurance money due in the next few days for a car accident we had and the whiplash injuries that followed, I must be so strong and not give in, but I can feel the excitement rising that money is coming, but all I would do with it is lose it if the past is anything to go by. My husband has got my bank card but I will need it back to go and pay the cheque in. How do I stop myself copying the number down, I must make sure he comes with me to pay it in. Rambling now but it is focusing my thoughts....back later....

Oh Maddie my friend,

my heart dropped when you said about money coming your way!! i am sure you will understand when i say i wish it wasnt! i would be in a terrible state if i were you, knowing money is soon to be available and i think i would be plotting how to get my hands on it! But my friend we know dont we that we cannot touch the money it is not for us to have and throw away! we no longer do the gambling thing we are now nice honest mothers developing our relationships with our daughters and grandchildren! we are not going to risk the chance of not seeing them again just for a couple of hours of sheer selfishness are we?? NO NO NO we are not!! So young lady why dont you just let your husband go and pay the cheque into the bank you dont even have to see it even if its in your name you dont have to be there to pay it in! Dont risk it Maddie i know i wouldnt have the strength to handle it on my own at the minute so no one is judging you just thinking of you.

Have you got a facebook or msn thing then i could chat to you wthout filling up your diary? we will have to try and work something out!

Hope to hear from you soon

take care, keep it going!!

love linda x x

hi maddie!!

i got your email address from your poat to me i dont know if you want to perhaps edit your post if you are not happy with it been on here!

how hilarious us having same name!! if your family read my diaries thinking its you they really will think you have lost the plot!!

i have added you in my msn and going to look for you in facebook!!

hope to be able to chat very soon!! take care!

lindy lou no 2

x x

has been an emotional weekend again, bit up and down, happy times tearful times as well. I gave up my job a couple of weeks ago as it was impossible for me to work there, without going into lengthy details the job was too much for me and beyond me and there was no training. I didnt tell my daughters mainly because there was not much interest from either of them as to how I was getting on. I told my son in law on friday during an ordinary conversation and I became mother from hell again by Sat. I owe my daughters money and have taken any work so as not to miss one of their payments, I cannot see what I do wrong but evidently I should tell them when these things happen not 2 weeks later, but in truth I avoid it because i know that i am going to get nagged again! I hope my counselling starts soon I will ring tomorrow to see why I have been waiting so long.

Maddie

7 weeks maddie or should I say lindy lol,,well done,you'll win your family round of that I've no doubts....glad you deleted your address as you know am paranoid wi the internet and personal info should be kept at that...stay strong,we can do this. 🙂

Hey Maddie,

Sorry to hear about how your family reacted, but you have certainly done the right thing in leaving the job if the training isn't there and it is too much, to stay in such a job would only be a waste of your time. I hope that the reasoning will turn your daughters to see that it was the right reason, and most importantly know that gambling isn't the answer however it gets with the family.

All the best, and as wp said, stay strong.

Ryan

Hi Maddie,

It is so hard when all we want to do is please people and they cant see it! I am just the same i worry about what people are going to say and then when i finally pluck up courage to say something they say why didnt you say so before!!

Your daughter will come round again perhaps she jut doesnt know what to say and its easier for her to say nothing than risk making things worse? Let her think it over and she will be in touch again - if not then could you keep in contact through your son in law?

There is no point in struggling in a job that is too much for you, if there was no help or training they obviously just dropped you in at the deep end, which in your current situation is not what you need. Have you thought about getting a part time job with no responsibilties as such, just until you are in a more settled state of mind. It would give you some money to repay daughter but no stress? not a permanent solution but maybe an idea?

You have been strong and you must stay strong! I suppose we all have to stare at the damage gambling has done at some time during our recovery, not a pleasant thought but one we have to encounter.

Take care

Linda x x

Hi Linda you are so sensible with your advice and I did think about part time work, but I feel that with my age I have to take what I can get but in reality that isnt true, I have been offered 4 jobs in total since redundancy last year and that is because I have years of experience. Also realisitically I need a full time salary for a couple more years to get us in a better place ...my husband is 10 years younger than me but we cannot manage on his salary and pay off the debts, so I need to put best foot forward for a bit longer.

Thanks wp and Ryan for popping in to comment I do appreciate it and I am going to catch up on your diarys later after corrie street xxx

Maddie,

Things will work out for you i am sure they will, dont ever forget your not on your own in this, we are now a team!!!!

take care my friend and I will be in touch!!!

linda x x

Maddie

Thanks for your support on my diary.You are doing really well yourself and i can see you give out a lot of help and advice.I think that comes with you feeling confident in your own quest to stop.Stay strong Jeff.

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB!!!

hAPPY or what ????????????? Couldnt have done this if I had my gambling head on................

Hi Maddie,

Did you get the job? lol

Course you did! well done! Yipee! Go girl!!!!!

Congratulations you are a star!!!

So excited for you too!!! yeah yeah she got the job! MADDIE GOT THE JOB!!!!!

So now we have something to celebrate! Bring it on!!

really happy for you!

love linda x x x

Really happy to hear about someone whose life is really on the up.

But...

I am no psychologist but now that you have a job, more money will come in...

...which means you may have a battle coming up...

...the resisting the urge battle...

...the one where the devillish urge will come back demanding you to waste the extra money that you will have.

What you really need to do is to have a plan of action. Perhaps put the extra money away where you can't access it easily or hand it over to someone close to you to look after.

I really don't want any dreams that you have to be shattered because of a wrong choice that you (won't) make.

Sorry to rain on you parade but in my position, I am really thinking carefully about what I am going to do when my debts are finally paid off in a couple of years. That will be the difficult period.

Anyway...

...WELL DONE AGAIN! And go and treat yourself to something nice when that first batch of extra funds come in!

Thanks Linda, and Worried, I will not get any pay until the end of June and every day I feel stronger and really do want a normal life, I will heed your words though and take care, my money will be looked after by my husband, and that is really working for us. I want to book a holiday and buy a new car and those things will only be possible if I dont gamble.

sensible head staying on!!