Just a quick note dear diary as I am just in from work with dinner to cook for a hungry teenager. I have thought about other things today. Hoorah! My mind hasn't been swimming with worry (although worry has attempted a little paddle from time to time). Just checked my emails and am really pleased that 2 of the 3 casino accounts that I attempted to self exclude from last night have done it - no questions asked with advice telling me to contact Gamcare or similar 🙂 However, really, really disappointed that a uk High St well known name bookies casino has told me that I have to log in to my account in order to exclude. Wreckless, greedy tasspats. Oh, looks like my 'o' isn't working either. Is there anyone at Gamcare that I could report this to I wonder?
Well, just about to enter my 'demon hour' when I am most likely to fall, so have found a website that I can play games on - proper games, not gambling games and will see how that works. Fed up of insomnia now, getting up for work this week has been horrendous as I am still working on gambling hangover hours i.e. up until 4 or 5 am chasing losses. So, am going to take a couple of strong painkillers for this pounding headache and hope they help to make me feel sleepy at least. I have felt absolute rubbish this week healthwise - sinuses, head aches, ear ache, tired, depressed etc - I actually feel like I imagine a J****E would feel coming off drugs... I wonder if it's coincidental or real symptoms of withdrawal to my 'habit'? Anyway, another day almost over and another day free of gambling.
Well done on another day, i can relate to the lack of sleep, have been used to not sleeping whilst gambling as i was lying awake most nights with thoughts about how to cover the night's losses after 3-4 hour sessions sat in front the computer. Been 6 days clean now but still not got back into a normal routine, most nights 2-3am before even feel tired. Never needed many hours sleep but this is a P**s take!
Another day done for us both, well done.
Keep strong! We can beat this together x
Such a relief, I have sorted out a repayment plan with my landlord who is being more than understanding. Thankfully I should be able to get it sorted relatively quickly. It makes me more determined never to get myself into this sort of situation again. Kong and Batman, you will no longer steal my dosh! I work hard for it. I am going to keep it.
Hollie, thanks, you're right, we can beat this together. Hope you're doing ok today! x
Keep Strong those feelings will pass as long as you keep putting everything into recovery you will be better for it!
Maybe try walking or running, the gym or take up a sport i've found it helps clear my mind and may lead to a better sleeping pattern. It's only natural to feel how you do at the moment just keep tackling your emotions and deal with them as they come it can be a little overwhelming but i guess these feelings are locked away when we gamble. 🙂
StoneRoses wrote:
Keep Strong those feelings will pass as long as you keep putting everything into recovery you will be better for it!
Maybe try walking or running, the gym or take up a sport i've found it helps clear my mind and may lead to a better sleeping pattern. It's only natural to feel how you do at the moment just keep tackling your emotions and deal with them as they come it can be a little overwhelming but i guess these feelings are locked away when we gamble. 🙂
Thanks StoneRoses. Wishing you well in your journey too. Thankfully, I am feeling dog tired right now without the need to do anything silly like take up a sport 😉 so am taking myself off to be early.
Night night soldiers
x
Lol (that's text speak you know coz I am down with the kidz)...Hey Rachel, when you get some money, you could do what I did & buy some lovely new trainers to wear round the house 😉
Hopefully you manage a proper sleep tonight & wake up strong & energised for a pleasant change ready for another glorious gamble free day 🙂
ODAAT wrote:
Lol (that's text speak you know coz I am down with the kidz)...Hey Rachel, when you get some money, you could do what I did & buy some lovely new trainers to wear round the house 😉
Hopefully you manage a proper sleep tonight & wake up strong & energised for a pleasant change ready for another glorious gamble free day 🙂
Ha! Sounds like the gorgeous designer tracky bottoms that I bought. To wear lounging on the sofa of course 🙂
I did have a good sleep thanks but really busy day at work so ready for a good early night again. I could get used to this not-throwing-my-money-down-the-drain malarky. I had a doorstep debt collector card put through the door when I got home though, so sleep may not be so sound tonight 🙁
Boo, that's rubbish but you are not throwing your money away now & you will find a way to get through this just like you did with your Landlord!
I hope you sleep & wake up feeling strong enough to tackle this head-on!
Just take things steady - ODAAT
Thanks NT, I did manage to exclude from Puddy P in the end without logging on in the end by sending a couple of stiff emails. I have gone through this merry go round before though and have always found more casinos to set up accounts with so I will have to be on my guard. I can't understand how more pop up weekly - I thought the gaming restrictions for on line casinos had just been made more difficult by the government?? I just wish this wasn't a company laptop otherwise I would download blocking software on it. Anyway, today at least I am not a customer of any casino and my resolve is good.
ODAAT, you really are a marvel and I'm so impressed that you find the time to support so many people this far into your recovery. I hope that I am the same - at the moment I am almost as keen to find out how others who have started their own journey recently are getting on as I am with my own, but don't know whether that's because I am 'new'! Anyway, thanks a million and I will tackle it head-on. Well, I will on Monday anyway!
Rach x
Thanks for looking in on my diary earlier, appreciate the well needed encouragement. I'm finding the fall-out from the final week of losses hard to take. Will somehow get there and learn to accept them. Congrats on your journey to date, we all have difficult times to overcome and how we deal with them will define the future. Have a good weekend.
I spent a LOT of time gambling!
Just do whatever suits you best, no-one on here will judge you! I didn't start my diary until very recently so it's all a bit new & actually, I've not done an actual lot of updating on it as I am still all over the site, reading & learning!
Keep up the positivity - ODAAT
Hi ya Rach, thanks (I think) for dropping by...Not sure what is holding me back on my diary, probably embarrassed to write the last bit into hell! Also feel a bit of a fraud because my urges are so pathetic @ the moment, I'm not exactly karate chopping them away!
I have a day off tomorrow & will endeavour to do something then, I won't let you down & you keep up the hard work - ODAAT
Hi Rach, yep, I owe you one 😉
As for putting me on the spot with the Lottery - no fair! I am pretty sure the party line is absolutely not acceptable but I have not stopped! I have never been out of control with the lottery, sometimes I put it on, sometimes I don't, sometimes I even chuck a few pounds @ the scratchcards if there's loose change in my purse, my journey was only ever about the Fruitie's! There are people here that have tried & it's ruined them & have had to quit all forms of gambling, even school raffles etc. Recovery is bespoke so what is right for one may not suit another so you should do what feels right! If I had increased my 'playing' when I started 'my' recovery, then I would have quit that too but I shifted my focus to the free App's & sites like this which are time wasters in a way but I will take all day over losing money! Unlike gambling where we are consumed by the addiction, you are in control of your recovery...So no, you won't go back to those terrible times!
Ain't kids great 🙂 I am the luckiest, I get to give mine (niece & nephew) back, all the fun, none of the sulking 🙂
Keep doing what you're doing - ODAAT
P.s: As I said to the Cabbie, you find an author & I'll make a contribution...No amount of duress would see me take that on! Imagine the shame :-0
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