The fog is lifting!

Feeling a little sad right now, have just checked a few of the forum posts and it looks like a fair few soldiers have had a slip up in the past few days. Gutted for them and hoping I won't be joining them. No, scrap that, I don't hope - I know that I won't. Reading their posts and being reminded of that post gambling hangover the following morning, no. I have slipped up in another way, I bought a pack of ciggies yesterday, having given up about a year ago - all because I couldn't find a single shop that had any e-liquid on my travels yesterday. The funny thing is, I felt disgust whilst I was smoking proper ciggies yesterday - similar to the gambling. The little voice saying 'what are you doing?' but still going in for another P**f. That's addiction I suppose, knowing something is wrong but continuing to do it, so last night, I came to my senses and threw the rest of the pack away. Before, I would have smoked the rest of the pack because I had paid for them, and perhaps bought another pack and fallen off the wagon completely. So, I will see my pack of f**s as my blip - rather that than another session on the slots. It's payday on Wednesday this week so that will be my biggest test so far. However, as my lovely ODAAT June has pointed out above, I am 3 weeks in - whoop whoop 🙂 and looking forward to having a month under my belt so wish me luck.

hi Rach,

Thanks for checking in on me today, have replied in my thread as to what has been an up and down week for me, still 23 days today and no slots!.

Throwing away those cigarettes surely is a positive thing, it shows you have adapted some resilience and are showing some fight against these addictions. If you gave up a year ago then good for you, that one blip this week is not relevant in the larger scale of things. I'm sure your not going to dwell on it.

I have every confidence that come pay day you will not be wasting any of those hard earned wages on a guaranteed loser (slot game). You have done 3 weeks so this coming week you will stay strong.

Al

I've noticed that there are a couple of 'my way or the highway' merchants on here. I'm here to receive support, and have found that I get just as much out of giving support to others. I am early in my journey I know, but was almost put off track myself only a few days in due to a judgemental comment. However, the support that Emily got yesterday was amazing, we are like a family and we may not always like each other but we pull together when there's a problem. Just as it should be!

Hi Rach,

Just wanted to say I couldn't agree more. I've been pretty upset and dwelling on it for hours now after reading some comments earlier in the day.

I still stand by my comments to Emily that I believe each persons recovery is personal. I don't believe it's anyone's place (or right for that matter) to cast judgement on how anyone chooses to do battle in their own recovery. Advice, absolutely, judgement, no. If I want to be judged I have family and friends in my 'real' life perfectly capable of doing it. Hence the reason I haven't told them! And I make no apologies for that either, it's my recovery.

Anyway, congratulations on sticking with it, it's all we can do - however we chose to do it

Stay strong

Jess x

No worries, to be honest I've written a load of posts as well but stopped myself actually posting them because they all sounded far too furious.

I just think it's bad crack. People are only trying to help and they shouldn't be shot down in flames for doing it. To me all that's going to achieve is scaring that person away from here...and what good could possibly come of that?

As for venting...hell I do it all the time in my diary. I think a lot of the time it actually prevents me from stabbing my OH to death. Love him to bits but by god he annoys me.

Glad I can raise a laugh, I think laughing's a good thing...I bet you never gamble when you're laughing?!! I don't anyway.

As for Loco in Acapulco...keep it in your head. I guarantee it'll get your day off to a grand start in the morning...and if it doesn't I don't want to know about it because it's working for me!

Boudica, really?!? I see the compliment so thank-you but isn't there some hottie you could have compared me to instead of an Ancient minger?

Still mad & had another revelation tonight after reading yours & Jess's last posts but it's a bit emotive so I will do all my catch up 1st (except maybe the poem I have been trying to pen for Wayne) & then see where I'm at!

Tomorrow I will finally make it to the foodbank...I was gutted to see the list of things they wanted because previously I have given more 'interesting' items but I promised you & I will not let you down! I will ask when I am there about whether there is scope to do a little more that doesn't involve volunteering as the hours are very limited. I imagine it will involve a direct debit of some sort rather than the odd chocolate cake but that will sure beat throwing it down the drain as I did for so long!

& as for keeping busy in the wee small hours, that book ain't gonna write itself you know 😉

Thanks so much for the kind words on my diary Rach. Sometimes things people say can be taken out of context, so don't ever let a post put you off your recovery. I use quite a few other forums, mostly sports related and theres plenty on them looking for an argument. Thankfully this place is totally different and we are mostly pulling in the right direction. You're doing so well with your recovery, keep it up!!!

Phil

Hi
Rach

I have come to apologise for anything i have said which may have offended or set you back in your fight with addiction. I have read through my posts & although i believe everything i wrote that doesnt mean i have to write it. Sometimes im an idiot still & thankyou for making me think about that. Your opinion will hopefully help me to think sometimes before i speak! I do understand that my approach to recovery is not the one true voice in all this & that different people need different solutions. Thanks again & if i re- offend please pull me up on it!!

Thanks for the reply you are right. Im used to a GA room where a kick up the b**t can be given with a smile & good body language, i need to remember that is not the case here. Recovery is not a competition you are doing great i am no further away from my next bet than you. Take pride in your own success so far & long may you keep adding to it

Dan x

Well that's another day done. I've been watching The Undateables on catch up, I love the innocence shown and it has brightened my day 🙂 Michael and Claire, aaahhh!

I can honestly say I don't have any urges to gamble at all at the moment, hoping that won't change once I get paid this week. Normally just before payday, I go on to casino sites and play the slots in demo mode, just for fun. Ha! Just for fun?! it's like I'm in training for a gameshow called 'how to lose your wages in 1 night'. Because of guilt from gambling episodes, I normally promise my son the world, of course he has to wait until 'when I get paid', then I let him down. This month I haven't. This will be a normal month. No guilt, no broken promises.

Hey Rach & there is the reason why, if the urges try anything on come pay day, you will be booting them right into touch!

I'm sure you're all trained up now so a) probably best you don't have any more practise & b) should they ever invent a 'game' (I use the inverted commas for a reason that I need not explain here) show that incredibly daft (it is quite possible they will) I will come out of hiding & be right by your side!

The food bank was shut after all my effort so I now have a cupboard full of stuff which I will deposit & fulfill my entire plan just as soon as I get another morning off. Maybe with an advance call to ensure it is open!

Anyway, I am off on holiday in the morning so be safe, be strong & I'll catch up when I get back - June (how I wish I'd given Boudica a chance, I think Alex Kingstin is great!) 🙂

Love the undateables. Is it wrong id quite like to have tourettes & walk around shouting Thundercats

Thanks for the post on my diary Rach. I am feeling so strong tonight, I hope you are likewise. Hope your payday goes well and the urges don't trouble you. Keep fighting them if they do, we both know where it would end if we gambled and we are both worth so much more.

Phil

Hi Rach , checking in to see how things are going with you? Know it's your payday so hope all gone to plan.

Al

Payday done and dusted, no urges, no struggles, just another productive day. I've got total confidence that yours has been the same Rach. Looking forward to hearing about your day!