the lows are too low

I was Sorley tempted this morning to start a new diary as this one is a bit of a mess

But I don’t have the energy to summarize the last 5 months again

The compulsion has slowly taken hold again Im finding I manage to abstain for a few days in the week  then the weekend comes around and boom self-destruction & obsession begins shortly followed by a bout of depression self-loathing and various personality disorders

Im banned from most online casinos now but yesterday managed to sign up for something called casomo  stuck  *** in and lost *** in 20 mins which to be honest wasn’t a bad thing as i was so fed up I just withdrew the last ** and called it a day

Yesterday was a massive waste of a day and today im feeling the come down effect mixed with wanting to chase more

I know Things will get better if I can manage abstinence for a couple weeks but at the moment I feel very miserable in myself

Girlfreind is not happy and another argument about lifestyles quickly ensued although she has continued to stand by me

We have set some small goals to help me get through this week

Ive grown extremely tired of constantly engaging with electronic devices so today I decided to leave my phone at home instead of putting it in my pocket to go to work im hoping the lack of constant distraction will help me focus my mind better

just over a week off the rollercoaster and i feel better 

 a small amount of clarity has been restored in my mind , the bank rang me last week and told me they thought my card had been frauded so i just went along with it in the hope some of the gambling transactions may get chargebacked lol

i keep seeing gambling related stuff all over my twitter feed so may need to take a break from that too for a bit whilst i get my resistance up 

attending a pop up business school today in the hope it will help with some on going projects i have 

will check back in next week