Hi All,
after a few chats with the wonderful live chat staff I feel ready to share my story on here. some basics about me... I am 24 years old from hertfordshire and before may 2017 I never gambled in my life, with exception to my dad's birthday where we made little bets on horses with his money). I was never tempted in by sports betting though it just looked like a great deal to the bookies and not to the average punter. so first week of may this year I went along to a golfing holiday. played at a fantastic course and some great restaurants/bars nearby. one night me and the lads I went and googled what was nearby... lone behold, there was a casino in town within walking distance! I always wanted to go give it a try and see what the hype was about. I can't say I enjoyed it... not the happiest people in there I witnessed a man loose 1000 euros on my table and my 100 euros went very quick as minimum bet was 10 (roulette)! after coming home I was really dissapointed with that loss and the experience so I decided to give it another crack, I found an online casino and started playing using the bonus' on a few sites. to my great pleasure I won on a few sites with a few being lost in between but roughly I was breaking even.
this is how it began... when I received those wins in my account I felt so happy. I had just made a few days wage in what... 30 mins? it carried on like this, I played multiple times a day and finally... my luck ran out. I lost £8000 in one day... in fact 5000 of that was lost in 2 bets so about 2 mins (back to back 2500 bets on baccarat) I had a bloody meltdown and panicked so much that I self excluded myself from the 3 sites I was using.
2 weeks down the line I started getting urges to play again. I had found a list of new casinos to try and started playing again. small deposits at first, just 100 pounds to test the waters again see if I still had it. of course it wasnt long till I started playing high stakes again. I was addicted to seeing my bank balance rise but terified of loosing everything I worked hard for! it caused me a huge amount of internal conflict and when all my friends and family were telling me that I should stop right now, the internal conflict just got exasperated so much! I was feeling terrible and not going out at all really... which of course led to more gambling.
it gets a little more positive here, in the next month or so I somehow get lucky enough to win a lot of my high stakes sessions. no skill involved and now its so hard for me to stop! I even had the arrogance to tell the help staff here I was going to go pro and make it my career! I was so in love with the idea this easy money I fergot... it only takes one day of losses to wipe your whole bankroll, entire savings and destroy your life. I'm so lucky to be in the position I am and now I need to stop. I hope I do not come accross as arrogant and I couldn't represent my huge internal conflict without mentioning the success so sorry if I come accross arrogant and rude, I truly spologise.
I still live with my parents and my dad has threatened to kick me out if I do it again and my best mate has told me this win will cost me so much more that the total money won if I continue. he thinks I should stop too and finally I agree with them.
as I mentioned before I am now self excluded from all sites I use and I am thinking of doing something positive with the winings like booking a nice meal out with my best mates and going on holiday. Partly so my savings arent all gambling winnings because that in itself could tempt me back and partly just to pick up my mood. I find that if your not happy your twice as likely to make a bad choice! like gamble or eating unhealthy food etc.
in a few months I join the RAF and as I'm sure you can guess that needs so much self discipline to get you through even just the initial training I hope this will lead to me controling myself better and the fact I will be surrounded by mates and activities to do I will not have any time to even think about it! I really think that will permanently fix my problem as my attention will be fully absorbed by it and my lonliness/minor depression gone.
I am a lucky boy...and I never expected such a big problem to benifit me in such a way... but now I am a little broken and in danger of really ******** up my life if I don't stop. next week is going to be the first week of many that I will not gamble again, I would appreciate any advice and anyone who can relate to my situation, just to know that someone else was as naive as me to think I could be pro... HA! oh how silly...
I feel good for getting this out there but I hope this isn't harmful to others recoveries
hope anyone who reads this is on the road to recovery and redmption too! I hope to be on that road soon enough!
Gaffer
Hello Gaffer493
Thank you for starting a diary and posting your story here. We are sure that others on the forum will support your aim that it's better to quit while you're ahead. It sounds as though your gambling had become an obssession and harming other areas of your life. It's good that you've self-excluded from the sites you were a member of. While your resolve is strong, you might want to consider also installing some blocking software on your devices to help prevent you opening more accounts with different providers. There's more information here on the GamCare website:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software
Keep posting, and best wishes for your future plans with the RAF.
Forum Admin
Hi Gaffer,
Firstly welcome to the site. It sounds like you (unlike many of us) have had the foresight to quit while you are luckily ahead. I started with big wins but gambling nearly took my whole life away.
Just rememeber this...in the long run we will always lose if we gamble. Don't live your life on a knife edge. You are already under threat of losing the backing of your father and do not jeapordise that potentially bright future you have on the spin of a wheel or throw of a dice. £2500 x 2 in 2 minutes. In real terms that could take 2 years for most people to save but to us gamblers it is just numbers until it goes and then you are faced the reality of your losses and your debt.
I wish you all the best.
Matt
thanks matt! all the best to you too! I have not played in over a week now! may it be the first of many weeks!
Very, very interesting thread. Really hope I am totally wrong but can only see one outcome here.
Best wishes
Dave
Hi Dave,
Your not the first and you won't be the last to tell me that! I'm doing ok so far 3 weeks without gambling and only 7 weeks to RAF joining and that should be me home free! The source of my gambling is lonliness, as my friends went off to university I slowly lost friends as they went away to different parts of the country and sadly left me feeling a bit alone. I'm still a confident chatty person but many times I'm just lonly or bored. Sad to say with the gambling I have an addictive personality as a part of my competitiveness I developed sporting at high levels as a youngster and excessively gaming in late teens. Fingers crossed I can keep the cold turkey going! RAF here I come! 🙂
Hi Gaffer. I've just read your original post and wanted to say best of luck. Quit while you're ahead and you'll be better off for the rest of your life. All the best for the future and hope to see you posting here again if you ever feel the urge to bet. Just don't waste away those winnings you were lucky to get.
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