Hai Change.
I trust your little fella aka The future caprain of England footie team is doing well as with his proud good old man.
Agreed Al, A little optimistic, 15p would be more like it....
Thanks Volcano - yeah he's good. He got through the 5kg barrier last week. He's definitely getting bigger just complicated. 1-2 large vomits every day but if he keeps putting weight on then it's not mega concerning. Just difficult to have to clean him and change him so much as invariably that process will make him vomit more and then you've got to start all over again and what was a postive feeding experience turns very negative.
Never see joke shops nowadays and maybe this is why - can't say i know too much about retail but obvious that they musnt be doing well. I remember going in one as a kid all the time and coming out with some tat that would occupy me for a couple of days. Remember once buying a fake poo and putting in on the lawn and my dad coming out with a shovel to pick it up then me just grabbing it with my hand and him going nuts till he realised joke was on him. haha
You wan't to try it with real poo , that doesn't go down too well either !! LOL !
Night mate !
Hai Change... A little miscommunication there regarding jokes. I meant Alans jokes were worth 15p at a push.. 😉
Your poo joke made me smile. I wasnt such a nice kid, i remember trying to get out of cutting the grass by going over the power lead. Didnt realise my dad was looking out of the window. I soon felt it though as he showed me his trusty belt... Taught me a lesson though, it was alot easier to cut after then and less painful 😉
I don't remember much of my childhood but it wasn't bad. I just don't remember it and i find that very weird. There are very small moments that I can recall. The poo incident is one and then others are always very trivial moments but must have significance. I remember riding over a neighbours flowers on my bike. I remember a neighbour giving me all her red and black jelly sweets as she didn't like them and me running to my mum to check i was ok to eat them. I remember scoring a brace in a junior school football match like it was yesterday. I can remember first goal i ever scored from right back was a left footed loop over the keeper after a corner and i miss hit it totally. I remember a lad shoving stones up his nose in the playground and having to go to call an ambulance. I remember loads of fights in the playground... not necessarily me but other kids too. All very random stuff.
The random stuff is always the best and i see we shared similar experiences....
A line i heard from a Simon Pegg film i watched tonight.
'' You look forward to the fridays rather than dreading the Mondays ''
Random, Night Change.
From Rubber neck ( my footie nickname as a kid )
Day 22
Been a weird day as I've felt some urges so tried to become a bit more engaged with my addiction. Went on chat tonight and i find it really helpful to just spill out everything that is going on in my mind. I think I need to start posting again and making more of an effort to make longer posts outlining all my current issues... so here goes.
Work - really really tough right now as I'm not getting on with my boss. I've been treated really well whilst off with my son but I've been overlooked for promotion for many years so I'm bitter. It doesn't help me as I feel demotivated every day. I have two interviews coming up but I don't know if I'm being hasty and just reacting to a tough situation. It's a constant battle in my head.
Life - mega tough. The ups and downs with my son are really draining and emotionally it takes its toll. I can't describe the fear that I go through every day. I am constantly on edge and can't enjoy my time with my son as I am so so so nervous. I could just break down and cry every day but I need to keep it together for my wife. I put on a brave front but it affects me a lot and i keep a whole chunk of it inside.
Gambling - constantly hovering over me like a pest that I can't get rid of... a voice on repeat just going "do it do it do it do it do it do it". I just can't shake this voice. It gets me down as I want to be normal but I can't foresee a normal day in this lifetime.
Better man - this is going well as I'm more conscious of aspects I have neglected and how i need to correct certain traits. Leaving dishes hanging around, clothes on the floor etc is just deplorable behaviour. I have seen a side to me I don't like and I taking actions to address it. My wife has reacted or told me to do it I just don't like it and it's stopping. I've done things in recent weeks I haven't done for years, such as wash my wife's car.
Motivation - terrible. I feel severely stressed and depressed all the time. I am back on the cigs and back on the booze. So annoyed with myself.
I feel like I need a gigantic kick up the a$$
Hi Buddy and can I just say It's great to see a good post from you , it's been a while coming and then Wham !! there he is back in the house .
Mate , with all that you have got going on in your life you need somewhere to release it , you must be a bit like a pressure cooker waiting to blow its top, it's difficult enough just dealing with our gambling habit but jeez mate look what else is going on in your life !.
The idea of going on chat or posting more is great , get it all out there and bring it on change, always ready to listen !.
Thanks Alan... I'm a massive wreck in all honesty. I put a brave face on but I'm a mess. I really struggle to stay positive every day.
I know mate I've sensed that for a while with you , there's no quick fix though and you know that , you just need to prioritise things at the moment , stop worrying about the smoking , keep the drinking under control and focus on you your wife and the little one , the way your day is your not gonna get time to gamble anyway !.
Life's an effing struggle at times it really is mate , it cra.ps all over you and then pi.sses on you for fun and thats just the way it is sometimes , your dealing with so much stress with your son , your trying to be a rock for your wife , deal with the gambling and earn a living , no wonder you feel the way you do mate , your human you can only cope with so much and you need a release .
I don't know the full issues that your dealing with regarding your sons health and thats personal to you but I'm assuming hopefully things will improve with time , and that feeding at some point will get easier ? So maybe thats a positive to look forward to ?. You know as well as I do that gambling isn't going to solve anything in your life anymore , it's not gonna help your son , you or your wife and it wont suddenly make work any easier , sure it will take your mind off problems but its sure as hell gonna cause you far more problems than you started with and you know that right ? , so as far as the gamblings concerned go and tell it to fu'ck right off .
You say your putting a brave face on things and thats great , thats what your son and your wife need you to do right now , but you can't dump on them so when you get a bit of you time , come on here or go on chat and vent your anger ,were all here for each other and we all understand . I'll listen bud , I might not get back to you straight away but I will be there , your not alone ok?
I dont want you to have to go through all this s***t again , I want you to get a life back where your happy and gambe free and able to deal with life's ups and downs instead of reaching for your gambling crutch , I'm going for it mate and it would be quite nice if you'd join me , if your not too busy that is ?
Got an early start tomorrow so I'll say goodnight mate but will catch up with you tomorrow sometime !
Stay safe fella and look after yourself !
AL !
Thanks again Alan
Day 23 coming to a close - been a better day as just concentrated on getting through my work. Did ok and moving on to day 24. Mega busy day tomorrow as im out of the office with my boss. Need to stay positive.
cheers deano
Glad your day was better mate !
Stay safe my friend
Day 25 and had a couple of manic days travelling all over the place. Too busy to think about gambling.
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