The road

I posted that last week in the forum and got an encouraging reply from 'g'. I thought i would start this diary to help me stat determined and remind me what i am doing this for. Its pretty hard to put down into words how gutted i was last week when i lost that cash. It was over 1k and i have a new baby due in 4 weeks. That just embarrasing, humiliating, i cant even think of a word strong enough but selfish is pretty on the button.

Anyway i havent been on the machines since that happened and i am still at a zero balance in the bank. All good so far. Finding it hard to stop thinking about it, even dreamt about it. Been a big part of my daily life for a long time, up down down down up. Emotional rollercoaster i dont want to get on again. Think i had a wristband for the ride before! Writing this is helping me organise my thoughts and stay determined so i am going to stay strong and get through another day!

Hi Chrissyboy,

Welcome to the diaries. Like you say stopping gambling will bring you some stability.. no more financial and emotional rollercoaster.

You can help yourself by getting yourself formally banned from your usual bookies and denying yourself access to your money when it matters. Little things like leaving cards at home and only carrying what money you really need can help. Even walking or driving a different route can help to avoid temptation.

Keep posting.. its something to do to fill the gambling shaped void if nothing else. All the best.. S.A

Hi Chrissyboy,

I can really relate to your situation. There used to be a time when I would probably go in to those evil FOBTs every single day for around two weeks.

Like SA said, ban yourself from them and do not be ashamed of doing this. Think about how much access you have with money as having far too much money is much too dangerous for you at the moment. Even in my case many months since my last bet, I cannot be trusted with having a large sum of money.

Also think about what you can do to keep your mind off from these things. I found that running was really helpful. Have a good think, there must be something that interests you.

Posting on this diary will really help too. Don't forget to read others' diaries as it will make you realise how dangerous it will be for you to go back. Perhaps think of this all the time...

"One small, tiny bet away from disaster."

Stay in touch and have a good gamble free evening.

November

Cheers November and s.a

Watching the footy tonight with no bets on. Howay the lads haha. Been a week now and am itching but am just playing on the computer and am thinking of going to the gym, getting on the punchbag in the garage. Am trying not to dwell on all the things ive lost thru gambling, im sure thats not healthy but its still got to stay fresh in my mind to remind me why i have to keep on going on this path. Its hard to strike a balance and every now and then i get th urges where i just blank out the voices telling me not to go into the bookies and i have to stop and think and really reign myself in. Still everyday is progress and as you so rightly say ' one small bet away from disaster' so true.

Hi ChrissyBoy

Have just read your story in the new members section and left you a reply.I can relate to the progresion from fruit machines to Fobt I did it my self(big mistake!)Have just read on another post the roulette machines discribed as the C*****e of gambling never a truer word said they are pure evil.Please try to stay strong and keep away.

Ozzie

Still going. Does anyone else put the lottery on? I did it yesterday without even thinking. Its seems weird asking like but is that dangerous? Anyway no bookies bets and more importantly no roulette.

11 days gone now. I read another post where someone bought a see through piggy bank and put a quid in each day he went without gambling. Am gunna do that just as a visual incentive. Its hard reading the posts about the fobts cos i can relate so much and get embarrased thinking of all the time and money i spent. My way of thinking is changing, i still get the urge to run over to thr bookies but am not giving in.

hi krissy!

congrats on 11 days!

I like the idea of the see through piggy bank! Where you able to get one of them??

its crazy the amount of time and money used to spend on gambling wasting our lives. but we have made the decision to change!!

congrats again and keep at it

JAMIE

Krissyboy!!

Eleven days away from those machines etc. That's a great acheivement mate. That's a long time really.........WELL DONE!

Think of the cash you've not thrown away. I am on Day 10, it ain't easy.....but i know we can all kick this out of our lives.

Keep it going, good things will happen!

KB

Well done on 11 days - now keep it going mate.

Like the sound of that piggy bank - gonna try and get one myself - a nove visual picture of how, day by day, we become wealthier (and healthier) human beings.

All the best

Hatch

Cheers people,

I got myself aN old Demijohn used for making wine. Its huge and will take forever to fill, but my will to stop gambling is equally as big so i cant let that be daunting. Stopping means forever an this baby will take forever to fill haha. May have to rethink things when the time comes that there is loads in there. Coulf be disasterous in a moment of weekness but i wont think about it like that just yet. A quid in everyday i go without gambling and theres 11 quid in there. Looks good an i cant help but smile at it when i see it.

2 weeks down, had some strong urges and av been having loads of fkn dreams about winning, i want to stop thinking about it, its all i am thinking about

Still been the longest av been in maybe 7 years so am happy and am sure thoughts will get less.

Well, its been a weird week, i have been on the verge so many times its unreal. Been to the bookies when i was at the shops, kidded myself that i just wanted to check out the footy scores but really just ended up wrestling with my brain and staring at the machines for 5 minutes. I walked out without going on. Had been thinking about it loads before then. Then since then i havent been too bad, had a stinkibg cold so that might be why.

19 days down. Not feeling too fidgetty at the moment and got a few things occupying my mind. 16 dats till due date of my second child. A reason to stop in itself.

Nearly a month in. I have still been thinking a lot about winning and stuff, fantasy s**t really, been on the verge of going into the bookies but i never have done. I have this thing in my mind that i will slip up at some point but i know i will be soo disappointed that at the minute i am doing ok and staying strong. Is it defeatist to say that at some point it will happen?

It feels like a dangerous time because its been what feels like a v long time since i gambled that the focus is drifting a little bit. Need to remind myself of the painful times.