The road to becoming a winner

Hope u r ok James and still gamble free. Hope u have a good Christmas mate

Well done james its a amazing achievement to get over 300 days gamble free.treat yourself mate you deserve it for staying away from that bet. Take care and have good xmas and new year 😉

Day 373

Past the year mark now and feel great for getting this far. It's not easy but very much worth it in the long run.

This last year has been tough. It has taken many many efforts to abstain from gambling for this length of time so anyone reading this, don't give up! I've not really spent much money on myself and saw doing this as a bit of a punishment. I've been hammering away at my gambling debt for nearly 18 months and in two weeks when I get paid, I will have paid it all off!

This will be the first time since I started gambling that I won't be in the red and it's all been down to 10 years of serious gambling.

My blocking software has ran out as it was a 12 month purchase, I've just seen a pop up for a gambling site that would normally be blocked so need to sort this out as soon as possible.

Onwards and upwards, hopefully here's to another gamble free year and a happier life.

Thanks for reading

James

Day 390

Things are going really well this month, after over a year of really hard saving i've paid the last bit of my gambling debt off! Not been out of debt for the last 10 years because of gambling so this is an amazing feeling!

Still get the odd urge but nothing too tempting, just have to think it through to the end which is enough to put me off.

Hang in there, is does get easier!

James

Hi James and congratulations on 390 days and now being debt free. I reed somewhere in your early days debt free means a new car. Just incase you forgot

I can see reading that complacency is not there but make sure it stays that way don't think I'm debt free so I can have a bet I'm sure you won't if you keep doing what your doing. Giving me hope wh can get there if we want it.

KTF

Great to see you on 391 days James, and being debt free, it sure is amazing my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Day 408

Thanks Suzanne and KTF for your kind words, it is much appreciated!

No major urges to gamble, just had one dream about gambling and felt awful when I woke up but a relief when it was just a dream! It's obviously still there in my mind, still ticking over in my subconcious thoughts so have to remain vigilant.

No debts but won't reap the benefits until next week which is payday so looking forward to having some cash to spend on myself for a change!

Onwards and upwards,

James

Thanks for popping by James, hey it's lovely to see you on an amazing 409 days my friend.

Keep strong with guard tightly up and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Just threw away 18 months of hard work by relapsing, i'm so angry with myself its untrue!

I started back on fruit machines thinking that I can have a bit of fun on these as long as I don't do any other form of gambling. This is stupid when fruit machines got me hooked on gambling in the first place.
I put a £1 coin in and won £200 and then from then on went about destroying my life again. Lost this over a week or so and moved on to FOBT's in service stations. I was determined not to step foot in a bookies but this is just as bad, funny how my mind works!

Today, I couldn't drive past the service station and lost £220, then another cash withdrawal and another £200. I've then got home and opened 2 casino gambling sites, £205 then £150. So around £750 in the last few hours!

It's a lot of money to me, I've lost a lot more in the past but just when I thought I was doing well, a relapse leaves you £750 in debt!

On the day I lost the money I was furious with myself, now I feel a bit more positive and ready to take on the fight again. It has just proved to me that I cannot participate in any form of gambling however big or small. It gets my gambling brain working again and this then leads to bigger forms of gambling.

Thanks for reading,

James

Sorry to read this James, but you know that what you did was wrong and damaging, but hey you have admitted it to yourself, and got straight back up, so I wouldn't say 18 months has been wasted at all:)) because you have stayed in recovery,

Keep positive, let those losses go, you have learnt something important on that slip, (even though it was expensive) but it worked, so money well spent in a sense(if that makes sense)

Have a good gambling free day, and don't be too hard on yourself.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne, can always rely on you for a spark of posivity! You're right, it is a journey and this is something I need to learn from. I know I can go 18 months so this is now the starting point hopefully.

I agree too with it being money well spent, when I lose lower amounts it doesn't impact me so I will carry on, when I lose a lot it prompts me to realise that it is sustainable. A non-gambler wouldn't get that.

Thanks for the support and positivity, its much appreciated!

James

Back to day zero again!

Having gone for so long without gambling, when I relapsed I felt like all that hard work had been wasted and felt like there was no point. I think this is why I've really struggle of late to get back on the wagon. I've been too lapse as if I don't need to put the blocks in place because I'm more in control somehow. As a compusive gambler, control is something i'll never have.

So I'm going back to basics, starting from scratch and hoping for another length spell away from gambling, hopefully forever.

I've wasted quite a few precious days off gambling lately. It was only last month I watched a close relative die young to cancer. What they would do to have time back, and I feel more disgusted at my self for wasting it.

Feeling positive about this attempt and looking forward to having money again. I've been in debt for 10 years and I have only just cleared my debt through working really hard and not gambling for 18 months. I'm picking up my new car on Saturday and this should be a satisfying feeling from not gambling but this has been tainted slightly by my recent relapse costing me around £1000. That's a twelvth of the car I could have paid off! sickening!

Onwards and upwards,

Thanks for listening

James

You can do this James, as I just said to bear, dust yourself off and start again, and maybe think about changes in your behaviour/life, every new start needs to be different each time else nothing changes if nothing changes:)

Sending you strong and positive thoughts as always.

Suzanne xxx

Evening James. I'm delighted you got the car but gutted about the relapse.

I looked forward to following you getting back on track you've got the knowledge you just have to start using it again.

KTF

Day 1

Thanks Suzanne and KTF, some great advice as always and needed the positive posts so thank you very much!

Decided to do something useful with my time so spent nearly 5 hours on my bike cycling 70 miles. I love getting out on my bike, have time to think about things along and always just feel better about myself after getting outside all day which is in stark contrast to yesterday pounding the online slots for 8 hours straight with only a quick trip to the toilet to break the monotony (and even then I had it on autospin!). I think i can still see a load of 'wild' sysbols still when I close my eyes, still burnt on to my retina from yesterday!

Looking forward to getting my car tomorrow and actually living life again. Having a 'date night' with the wife tonight and looking forward to spending time with her. If I still had credit in an account somewhere I'd be really ratty with her but now I'm clear of it, I'm looking forward to being myself and enjoying it for what it is.

I've took your advice Suzanne, nothing changes if nothing changes (love it!) so purchased betfilter for a year.

Onwards and upwards,

James