The road to becoming a winner

Hi James how you doing. Sorry to hear about your lapse. I am still off it but have been having they thoughts lately of getting back on it because im more in control. Over 500 days but still plagued by gambling thoughts. Only thing that has stopped me is coming back on here and doing a bit of reading. A lot of new people on here i cannot relate to but reading your last couple of posts will hopefully give me the kick up the a**e to be more determined

Day 0

Really struggling at the moment, gambling has firmly took hold of me again and I'm currently out of control. Since the last attempt days ago, I'd installed blocked software for my computer which just meant I started using my phone.

Today alone I have wasted £460 on online slots. I feel utterly ashamed of myself and hate myself for what I've done and keep doing.

I've put myself back in debt after working my a*s off over 2 years to clear it. It is almost like I can never have money without thinking about wasting it on gambling.

I know what I need to do now, its a long and slow journey but one I need to get back on.

I never want to feel like this again!

James

Day 1

Still really struggling, need to start managing urges better. I am giving in far to easily. Keeping busy but and thinking the days are going well, then out of nowhere I've opened another account and lost another £200 in minutes.

Well I am well and truely broke now which may only serve me well to get over the first few days - weeks while I sort my head out.

Onwards and upwards

James

Morning James your definitely struggling at the minute. Your last 4 or 6 post have been back to day one. This place is great for support but you have to ask for it, it won't come and find you. No shouts for help before you deposit you need to stay close to your diary update your thought progress even when things are good it's no point just coming back when it's gone wrong and nothing inbetween.

You can do it you have before so I'm not going to go into the triangle and putting blocks in place you know all this you just need to do it and get back to basics.

KTF

Thanks for posting on my diary James, you have done so well stopping for 18 months and you can do it again, keep busy and stay strong, take your own advice, Jaz

how you doing James been a while since you posted?

Thanks for the posts KTF and Jaz,

Not going too well, gambled again today, another 250!

You're dead right, can't keep coming on here when things are bad, need to come on through thick and thin. I keep thinking i'm doing well, get to say 5 or so days then boom! Out of nowhere I've found a site i've not self excluded from and another couple of hundred gone!

I'm now back in debt, don't feel good about this and going to sell some of my nice things to pay back the debt as punishment. Still going to take a few months to get straight again. Hate the fact I've been working for 13 years and not much to show for it.

I've put blocks where I can, its my phone that is the problem as its an Iphone. Online slots are like crack C*****e, need to really get away from these as quick as possible!

Onwards and upwards, need to stay positive and stop relapsing after a few days, its pathetic!

James

Day 3

Feeling mentally a lot better at the moment. I feel a lot stronger than the other recent failed attempts and looking forward to getting my life back on track.

Enjoying a coffee watching the world go by without staring at 5 wheels watching money vanish in to thin air! Feels good!

On nights tonight which is rubbish but still better than gambling.

I will beat this ugly addiction!

onwards and upwards

jamed

Day 3

Feeling mentally a lot better at the moment. I feel a lot stronger than the other recent failed attempts and looking forward to getting my life back on track.

Enjoying a coffee watching the world go by without staring at 5 wheels watching money vanish in to thin air! Feels good!

On nights tonight which is rubbish but still better than gambling.

I will beat this ugly addiction!

onwards and upwards

jamed

Day 15

Had quite a few urges over the last couple of days but seem to be managing them better than before.

Found it really hard getting through the initial part of recovery but feel like I'm going well now.

Onwards and upwards

Day 25

Had a few urges but dealt with them quite well. Out of all the types of gambling I've done, online slots seems to be the hardest to get away from. I know they're designed to be easily addictive but they really got a hold of me. Even though I've lost loads of money to them, I can still picture the winning featured and actually feel like I miss them! How sad is that!

got to stay strong and keep it going, nearly a month gamble free now and already much happier!

onwards and upwards

james