The Start of my recovery

Another update on progress! I seem to be doing well. No real urges to gamble. Starting to get some clarity in my mind! Finally the fog is starting to clear and I can see how stupid I have been over the past few years! I think I am most annoyed about the past few months as I have been working really hard and just adding to my debts!

Just got one more of my night shifts left and I am looking forward to getting home.

Not much more to say on the matter!

well here we are on day 28, thats 4 weeks without a bet.

have to say i am quietly rather proud of myself. when i first started this diary i desperately wanted to quit, however i felt helpless and in the back of my mind i wasnt sure i could make it a week let alone a month.

a few days into my recovery i took a long hard look at myself, my finance and the past few years of my life.... what a waste!

i am battling this i am fighting and throwing everything i have at it! Time place and money!

Time - i keep myself busy with work, friends and more work!

Place- i have self excluded again from the casino i attend and have asked them to make all personel aware of my image, this has been a huge deterrent for me.

Money- well i currently dont have a huge amount of money to cause any problems there, but i guess on the plus side i am not getting any further debts. if and when i do start to save money it will go into a safe account.

i know it is only 4 weeks, which by all accounts isnt a huge amount of time, but for someone who used to gamble daily at a casino with $1000's changing hands daily it is quite an achievement. It is a start and a base to build on.

so what will day 28 bring for me, a trip to the beach, a hair cut and a BBQ in the evening with friends.

What it wont bring - a $3000 dollar withdrawal for the casino, a wave of nausea as i realise i have lost everything until next pay day, frantically applying for pay day loans, social isolation, lieing to friends about lost wallets or cards that dont work.

i am over that lifestyle! i am more determined than ever!

today is day 28, today i will not gamble.

Quick update, I am doing pretty well at the moment. Still not had a bet and am coming up to day 31! Can't believe how quickly these days have passed.

I don't have a great deal more to say at the moment. But thought I would check in and have a read of some other recovery diaries for inspiration.

Not posted in a few weeks. Pleased to say that I am still doing well and haven't gambled.

I have been busy with work and have also been visiting friends and family in the UK.

I have found I have had a lot of urges in the UK. There are so many bookies and casinos it is unreal.

Pleased to say that so far I am bet free and intend to stay that way. Not long until I reach 50 days!

Hi talbs just wanted to say well done to you your doing great keep battling and mounting up the days life will reward you 🙂

well i make today day 53 since i last bet.

When i first started this diary, day 50 was a huge milestone that i never thought i would get to.

in reality day 50 flew past me and it was only through counting today that i realised where i was up to.

When i started the diary i really was at rock bottom, i had a total of $50 to my name, a maxed out credit card and a pay day loan, not to mention other debts and money owed to family members.

Through sheer determination and 2 months of hard work i seem to have turned things around. i have money in the bank, pay day loan payed off, and have managed to make contributions towards other debts.

I have been on holiday back to the UK, sorted out my next australian visa and booked flights back to melbourne. My life has turned full circle.

It hasn't been easy and i have had to work a lot of hours and neglect any social life. It is now starting to resemble something of a normal life.

I have learnt the value of money again, i feel sick when i think of the $100-1000 blackjack hands i used to pay at the casino…..WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!

I guess in all reality i wasn't thinking. I was caught in a trap, a cycle of emotions, wins losses, riches and debts. I was lost, my mind was fogged and i didtnt have the insight to stop.

What a remarkable 2 months. I am hoping and preying that it will continue. i am setting goals and determined to keep it up. Support from the site has been great. I have another busy 2 months ahead of me with travel and work and hopefully i will stay safe.

I think i will look to a reward in may if i manage to make it to 100 days - A holiday could be on the cards!!!

Hi TALBS

A huge slap on the back for you! well done on getting through 50+ days. It is a great achievement and you should be very proud of yourself!

Linda x

Just a quick check in as I am shattered and jet lagged.

Entering day 58. No bets since I last logged in. Feeling stronger than ever but also wanting to keep my guards up.

Thanks again for the support

thought i would check in whilst i have chance.

I am pleased to say that i am continuing to remain gamble free and have crashed through the 50 day barrier and am now onto day 64.

i can't believe it has been 9 weeks already.

I initially found the process hard. my mind wandered towards gambling and my mind was occupied with thoughts of betting, big wins, big losses.

Luckily for me i had well and truly hit rock bottom. i had little more than $50 to my name.

as the days and weeks have accumulated things really have eased for me. i now hardly ever think of gambling and when i do it is a fleeting thought. My money has regained real value, i look after it and enjoy having it. I use it for real things, nice food, nice clothes and to treat myself. I no longer think of it as casino chips.

got a busy 6 weeks ahead of me working away and putting in a lot of hours. this is good for me, it keeps me busy, away from the casino and allows me to earn so $$$ to pay off those outstanding debts.

Thats all for now.... i am off to work shortly.

will check in again soon

Talbs

Day 68

Not a great deal to report, the days seem to be passing me by without too many thoughts of gambling.

I had a fleeting thought today of some of the big big wins i have had in the past the $10-20 K won in a day.

i quickly squashed those thoughts with the memories of the big losses of equally big amounts and how sick i felt.

I have also spent a lot of time reflecting on my rock bottom episode over christmas and new year, i had been on some heavy gambling binges trying to scrape together money from here and there to go to the casino and finally having less than $50. It really was a turning point and it turns my stomach to think about it now.

i have realised that although i am quite good at keeping my own diary, i rarely comment on others. i think this is a time factor, it is not that i don't want to. More a fact that i generally log in to write a post in a rush.... this is something i feel i need to change and will make an effort to do this.

well approaching 10 weeks!!! will check in again in a few days if not sooner

Hello diary - well things seem to be going good still. I have been working very hard and managing to remain gamble free.

I am working in quite a rural setting, i am very busy and being in the country side there are very few temptations.

Of course there is online gambling. Of which i have dabbled with in the past however not really been tempted by this throughout my recovery.

in my last post i stated that i would start to be more supportive to others in on this site and commenting on diaries. Truth be told i have been so busy with work and travel that i have failed here.

I do have a dy off tomorrow and plan to change this.

so if my count is correct we have made it to 73 days! just 27 to go until the big 100! but hey who is counting??? lol

Hey Talbs ! Well Done dude, very well done ! Just do the same today as you did yesterday and then do them same tomorrow. You saying you were working in a remote location reminded me of something I read on here about the betting Triangle,... Time, Location, Money. Take away one of those and you cannot gamble.

I also remember the 4 things to avoid in recovery and It's called H A L T which means avoid..

H hunger, eat well and regular

A anger, a luxury you cant afford

L loneliness, don't isolate yourself

T tiredness, get your good nights sleep.

I wish you well

Andy

Well Well well, have had some time to myself today and was looking back at my diary and calendar - it appears my last bet was on the 06/01/2014 which makes today day 77!!!

77 days bet free i can not believe it. Feeling really good for it, not having any urges, what thoughts i do have are usually fleeting thought about my finances and the sheer volume of money wasted. but i can put that behind me, i am moving on, working hard and getting my life back on track!!!

well we have just entered day 85!

which feels awesom! just 15 days until the big 100 mark!

I seem to be doing well, i am working pretty hard at the moment. doing alot of hours. I am working within a rural community, there really arent any places to gamble which is good. There will always be the online casinos but i havent had an urge to go onto those yet.

I have been living quite a boring life recently, mainly working, and going to the gym. 2014 is a year to stop gambling and get into shape.

I am in the process of planning a holiday to thailand. I am really excited for this and see it as a reward for the hard work i have put into the first three months of this year.

My ultimate goal of the year is to really reduce my debts. I am trying to chip away at them. i am confident that if i resist the temptation to gamble that these debts will quickly sort themselves out.

I will try to check in again over the next few days.

Well another 4 days have passed since my last check in.

Pleased to say i am still on the straight and narrow with no bets,

Had a couple of stressful, busy, tiring days at work. thankfully they are behind me. they would have normally had me down at the casino s**nk*ng $$$$..... However thankfully i was able to deal with the stresses and the thought of gambling didnt once cross my mind.

working the next 4 days... 48 hours total, which will keep me busy during the days.

I have been on a bit of a diet for the past 6 weeks, cut out alcohol for the past 4 weeks and have been hitting the gym. feeling better in myself and healthier for it.

anyways will check in again soon