There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.

Hi . Your posts are very deep which I would say reflect on you as a person . That’s not a bad thing by the way . I am similar to you in the way it started for me with arcades . Would imagine also we have a lot in common like wife , kids , probably university educated and a good salary . However , the addiction has no boundaries . We sometimes think we are superior to it but in reality it’s on the contrary . I would suggest reading posts on here , diaries etc . You mention that you have been on many recovery forums , places , etc . Treat this as a new start . I guarantee after a short space of time the fog will clear . I have used this quote before but it is a good one . Stop looking for happiness in the place you lost it . There are always people on this forum including me who are willing to offer help and support . It’s catharic to know that you are trying to Aide someone and also we hope that the advice is taken on board . Good luck with riding without stabilisers and if you need any advice just ask

And ask I will.
What do you mean when you say good luck with riding without stabilisers?

It means that you have probably been gambling for so long , it is ingrained in your life and without it , possibly scary and definitely holding you back. Removing gambling is like removing the stabilisers and you have to move forward and become free

Ingrained in my life yes but it's not fear what stops me.
Btw I am not university educated as I was far too busy with my addicts lifestyle at the time. Going to a school next to a racecourse probably didn't help.

I think it's 20 days since I last gambled.
I was thinking about my last bet. I arrived early ( as I always do unless I am in full gambling can't leave the premises mode ) for a new job. It was my first day. It was far too early to go in so I walked around a little passing a betting shop twice and after an inner debate I went in and placed a 5 pound bet on a dog which lost and I left.
There is lots for me to take from that experience and even more from the 20 days. It may have been 2 years or more since I last achieved this.

I have passed a marker. One where for me it becomes easier not to gamble. Only abstinence seems to bring me this. I know not to become complacent and also to watch and plan in my mind how to avoid huge pitfalls like the Cheltenham festival.

This is very positive for me.

Good news , keep it going you will feel so much better for not gambling

I never posted yesterday but that is because I slept through much of it.
To feel good idea have to concentrate on the now and look forward to the future. No glances at the past.

I can't be complacent. I have many roadblocks as they are called but today when alone I was thinking of a way around them so I could gamble.
It was a bad train of thought and it took too much time to wake myself up.
My abstinence is intact

Another productive day.
It's been a long long time since I have had meaningful abstinence.

Another ok day

Looking back at what one has lost can be food for the beast.
I met my wife as an addict seeking help. She was my teacher.
The rest is history they say and when I look at her now I still see the same beautiful woman that I love. The spark has not diminished in the slightest.
She does not ever try to make me feel guilty. Is it because she knows I am fragile and castigate my actions to the point where I am.unable to cope.
I wish the younger me could see me now. How harder I should have worked on myself. The bs to avoid and those i should have listened to more. What I would become.
I will not gamble today.

Hello Mate,

Had a read of your diary and your story seems quite similar to me, i seriously wish you all the best on your recovery and it seems you have a wonderful wife on your side to help you, *** it fully. My wife is still with after so many relapses but she is finding it very difficult to forgive me or give me any words of comfort, but the fact i still have my family is more than enough ..and i fully intend to turn my self around slowly but surely..

good luck mate. Harry

I read a little of your diary harry and will read more when I have the time. You are right about it being about not just stopping gambling. That is just what gives us the opportunity to make ourselves whole. There are many things we can do to achieve this. Doing nothing is not an option for me and for you.
We have the same amount of current clean time too.

Although I try not to let guilt rule my world but I have a realisation that certain behaviours of mine get worse the more I indulge so I can never claim to be totally helpless. Our brains may be changed but the disease notion I find ridiculous.
I can't excuse myself. I have betrayed my family. I could have stopped sooner.
Yet I know that feeling when i gamble everything I can. I don't stop till my money supply is exhausted. I max my cards and would bet my house on the toss of a coin.
It's hard to come to terms inside this paradox.

Btw the words may not read well to many but some may understand that it's the way I am going to control my life. Live with some pride gamble free.