There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.

Hello Itsbeenalongtime

I can hear that you are really struggling at the moment with some very strong urges to gamble. You mentioned feelings of deep depression setting in and feelings of 'not really meant for this world'. You sound very low and I am concerned that you need to get some help for how you are feeling.

Please contact your GP today and let them know that you are struggling with strong suicidal thoughts. If you feel that you are in a place where you are unable to control these suicidal urges then please call 999 Emergency Service right away.

You can also speak with the Samaritans on 116 123 they have a 24 hour confidential helpline to support you.

https://www.samaritans.org/

Do you have anyone that you are able to speak to and share how you are feeling right now. It may help to ease some of your overwhelming feelings.

You mentioned your children earlier and you sounded very proud of them, sometimes holding onto what is most valuable in your life really helps to keep things in perspective.

I will email you now to make sure you get this response.

Kind regards

Cade

Forum admin

Hello itsbeenalongtime,

A little bit lost for words as been a long day, yet I’ll try. I follow your posts and find them very real and full of emotions, also relating to where you are in your head.

I get the thought very well of not feeling a part of of this world and agreed a very uncomfortable emotion that your going through. But, there is a light and without being flippant but something which helped me when also having similar thoughts is ‘ what makes you so special ‘ , these may sound harsh words and when said to me I felt the hairs on the back of the neck raise but after time I realised that they were said in a caring nature and that’s how I’m tending to come across. Their is a lot of help out there, and even this not real world of gamcare is a start just by reading around and taking nuggets where you’ll least expect to find them.

Believing may not be easy at the moment but just by that moment of kindness from your friend shows what this world can be like and there’s no coincidence in life that the act of kindness was afforded to you because you deserve it and would no doubt reciprocate it if you were in the other shoes.

Not sure whether I’ve articulated myself well but I wish you well and keep on keeping on.

Hi there,

I hope you are finding calmer waters and peace within yourself.

You're most definitely not alone. Not feeling belonging to this world has crossed my mind numerous occasions and even if i wouldn't ever suggest the line above (I'm very sure of caring V intentions of course), I can say you're special....we all are..many people cares about you. Starting with the family and ending to the neighbour 2 blocks away and that shopkeeper who greets you with a smile on your visits ..not forgetting that stranger on your commute ☺

People cares and people don't want others to suffer. Talking about it helps to put things into perspective. Reach out for help, it's out there & even if we are not counsellors or crisis staff, we are souls who listens and understands without judgement.

Things WILL get better. When we see black wall opposite us, there is always that c rack of light which appears when we least expect it.

Hold on to hope....it will deliver real fruits in life!..believe me!

Stay safe and keep posting

S&B xx

I appreciate all your kind words.

To admin. Thank you but I am OK. Apologies for going beyond what maybe you have to take action on.
I am an absurdist. I will never bring forward the inevitable.

I have so much to say it's better if say nothing except acknowledge I am around

There is so much good in my life yet I have reached this age and have wasted so much time and energy.

Sort of feels like I have been stopped in my tracks. Why would I expect anyone to understand. maybe it would be best to do this in an unmoderated blog so I can say how I feel.

I mustn't find any reason to give up what I am fighting for.

just keep posting, don't think to hard and look for reasons, you will give up just takes time and effort.

Wilsy

I did not awake till after the racing finished. So unusual for a Saturday. Even the football passed me by.
I think today is the 40th day.
That's quite incredible

I'm not thinking about gambling but there is much going on in my head. It's a battle at the moment.

Hi It'sbeenalongtime

I am in the same place as you right now, not thinking about gambling but thinking about everything else. I hope the fog clears sooner rather than later for the two of us. I wish you well for the week ahead, be strong.

Wilsy

Another day x

Yes it is another day and here, another wet bloody day. Try and have a normal day, hope you are feeling a little brighter and try turn your brain off.

Take care

Wilsy

Thanks Wilsy.

I had a real crisis of confidence at my new job yesterday. I had such a low feeling. I mean I have to be good at something. I'm sort of used to being star of the show but a better day happened, lots of pressure, but a good job well done.
This is so important to me.
Another day without even gambling thoughts.