This is it...true recovery.

First gamcare counselling session today - was good. Felt positive after it. Reality of actions starting to hit me but think its what's needed. Becoming more evident I need to confide in those closest to me. Working on tackling anxiety around that.

Gym tonight and a good sleep hopefully. Found it interesting that new parents due to sleep-deprivation are more prone to implusivity and hadn't really read much about the link between sleep deprivation and gambling https://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/addiction-research/exploring-the-tangled-relationship-between-gambling-addiction-and-sleep-disorders/

So the moto of the story is I need to sleep more. One simple thing to try and improve just for today.

2nd gamcare counselling session today. A bit more emotional today but always feel better after it. Have my homework to do for next week.

Anyone sitting on the periphery of getting help for gambling addiction, don't wait for it to get any worse like I have. Jump right in, life can only be better by tackling this horrible demon head on. There are people here (fellow cg's, gamcare staff, professional counsellors) ready to help.

Onwards and upwards.

3rd Gamcare session today. Time is not so slow again, the past week has been the best yet since I stopped again. Urges are less and less and not focussing on day count as much these days - although just noticed 70 days gf.

Bit disappointed this morning. After months of excuses finally signed up for Gamban but it wouldn't install on my PC and I was able to easily uninstall on my android phone 🙁 I have K9 software on PC and signed up to GAMSTOP but want as many layers in as possible to cut out even the opportunity to play free slots.

Today was a good session, helped me combat some anxieties around opening up to family.

Onwards and upwards.

After a long time of trying to do recovery on my own I have finally opened up to my wife and family about my gambling addiction. They are helping me put measures in place that were impossible whilst I kept my secret. I don't know what I expected but I have been truly humbled by their reaction and the way they are helping me. I was so scared to open up despite all the advice but it will be the best thing I have done, that I am sure of.

As most have have said on here I wish I had done this a long time ago but nevertheless it does feel like a new beginning. And feels like it will be the big difference in terms of my recovery this time.

Onwards and upwards.

Well done mate, great to see things are going well for you and that you have shared the burden of this terrible addiction. Well done on 70 GF days.

For those days when I need a little reminder or a lift and to check I'm still doing the right things, this is an amazing post from GamHelp...

GamHelp wrote:

Mountain climbers don’t look look down. Instead they focus 90% of their attention on where their hands and feet are, so they don’t fall off. The other 10% is where the next hold is. Inch by inch they climb a mountain.

It’s been the same for me with the gambling. I don’t count the days any more, but focus purely on staying off gambling one day at a time. Actually to start with it was an HOUR at a time, as my brain was so fried through gambling. But it’s been 25 years now since my last bet, and I have a life.

I don’t remember most of my twenties through gambling. At 20 I was kicked out of university and gambled my education away. I went from job to job and ended up homeless on the streets of London. I ended up in a hostel where I finally told someone. They gave me the GA address which was only 5 minutes walk away, but I didn’t go. Didn't need to.

Each day my good intentions would go to s**t and I would find myself gambling again, back to the cashpoint, gambling again, angry/crying and saying never again, then back at it later chasing my money. My mood swings were dramatic. I was like a hamster in a wheel, frantically going nowhere.

I became afraid of everything - the post, the telephone, being found out. I lived my life in dark places, in love with the buzz and the flashing lights. A gambling bubble of virtual reality.

That life cost me literally everything - money, friends, relationships, family, respect, dignity, my health and my home. 1% highs and 99% lows - ten years worth of pain. And I had become a compulsive liar, always telling people what they wanted to hear. Unable to look at myself in the mirror.

One of my saddest memories was gambling all my wages on Christmas Eve. I had got through hundreds that day, and ended up getting my Christmas ‘presents’ from a corner shop at 11pm with the last fiver. Four people’s presents for £5.

Soon after I got caught “borrowing” from my employer and was arrested & done for theft. Crown court with a jury, and my Mum in the dock. It was in the papers. I had lost my job, 3 stone in weight, most of my friends, family relations were in tatters, in a load of debt, and now had a theft conviction. No self respect, no dignity. All at the age of 28.

But things couldn’t continue as they were. As Einstein famously said: Doing the same thing again & again, but expecting a different outcome, is the definition of INSANITY.

ADMITTING I HAD A PROBLEM

I went to GA and they gave me a lot of good advice. I didn’t follow any of it, but somehow managed to get through the next week and get back to the meeting.

GA was like a room full of mirrors where you could clearly see someone else’s mistakes and faults, but not your own. I got great support and advice from people in the same mess as me.

To give you some idea how sick I was, I sat there in the early meetings and said I didn’t have much of a problem and wasn’t like the others. I think they might have heard that before.

FRESH START

I started an IT business (despite not even being able to turn a PC on, let alone do anything useful with it). I got an old PC on finance - my girlfriend, now wife, helped - and found a free desk by a skip. I taught myself how to send emails and write word docs. Then I taught myself how to program & do graphic design, all from books. It wasn’t easy and believe me I wasn’t great at it. I had to read each book between 3-6 times as it made literally no sense. But eventually it went in and I could create simple things.

I got a customer and the first year I earned £6,000. But I didn’t gamble and it felt like a fortune. After a year I got a second customer, then a third. I started my own IT business and people would pay larger amounts for me to build things.

The other day I added up my earnings since I stopped gambling, and have averaged £70k a year for 25yrs. So ironically I’ve earned close to £2million by NOT gambling? go figure. A nice lifestyle... just by staying away from gambling? Amazing what happens when you maintain your energy & focus on simple productive things instead of running round your wheel.

And on that journey I’ve had the privilege to listen to + help steer hundreds of other gamblers & their families. I’ve been into prisons to visit gamblers and setup meetings for them inside. I’ve done TV for popular daytime shows and given talks in schools. I’ve setup helplines for gamblers and started self-help groups.

Most importantly of all I have learned that helping other people recover helps my own recovery, so for me it’s a Win-Win.

STRATEGY THAT HAS WORKED FOR ME AND KEPT ME OFF

I haven’t made it this far by accident, or by luck, or willpower.. I have a daily strategy that has worked for 25 years, and works now.

Incidentally I’ve personally known hundreds of gamblers over years, and can tell you that each one of the points below is necessary to succeed. Be choosy & miss ones out and you DRAMATICALLY increase your chances of slipping back your old ways. Be honest and stop kidding yourself.

#1. MONEY

* A gambler needs money to gamble. So the sooner you are cut off from it the better. You know that if you have it you’ll only gamble until your last pound is gone, so give it to someone else to hold onto for you. It’s not even money to us - it’s spins/credits/chips etc. Have it paid direct into their account. Hand over your cards, all of them. You definitely will not want to do all this, but failure to do it will result in disaster.

* Only carry the exact cash you need for that day, and get receipts for everything you spend and give them back to your appointed “Bank Manager” (husband, wife, mother, fathers, aunt, friend, etc).

* Have them help you fill up with fuel, stock up food, etc so you know you have basics covered and don’t have to handle the money.

* Do NOT give this person a hard time - you need their help, so don’t blow it. You might feel like a child, but don’t act like one. Print this off and give it to them.

* After a couple of months of this system working, I guarantee you will want control of your money bac k - DON'T. Never change a winning formula, its not worth the risk. It's the gambler in you that is telling you that the danger is over and you can go back to it. Don't change a thing.

#2. DEBTS

* Tell your family/other half about your debts - ALL of them - so that they can help pay these people back. Make an offer to pay a bit a month - even £10 - no more sticking your head in the sand.

* It’s important that you pay the debts over the longest term possible, as it’s a lasting reminder of the consequences of your actions.

* Ask them to freeze the interest, and go for 5 or 10 years repayment terms. But repay you will, and it will help fend off your next bet.

* As well as paying back yr debts, keep a little back for doing something nice, a small treat, whatever you can afford.

#3. TIME

* A gambler needs time to gamble. So fill your time with small, productive tasks. If you’ve got a gambling problem there’s a TON of stuff you’ve been neglecting: your personal appearance and health, the house and garden, your work, relationship, friends, etc.

* Get fresh air. Take exercise. Take pleasure in normal things again. Rediscover old hobbies.

* Spend as much time in the company of others. When you’re with people you won’t gamble. Don’t be a loner, mulling over your mistakes. Thinking about what you've lost will take you straight back there.

#4. DAILY PROGRAM

* It helps to have an hour-by-hour daily program which you write the night before and carry around in your back pocket. Don’t just wing it and let the day happen to you or you’ll end up gambling, guaranteed.

* Tick things off as they’re done or later that night when you doing your next list, you'll feel good.

* Work out how much money you’ll need in advance, and plan for it.

#5. GAMBLING THERAPY / PRECAUTIONS

* Go to Gamblers Anonymous. Tune out the gambler voice in your head that says you don’t need to go. Trust me, you do. I really wanted to sort this on my own, but I came to accept that it was bigger than me and I needed help. Willpower alone will not solve this.

* Attend a GA meeting once a week without fail. I was 2 years clear before I skipped a week.

* Ban yourself & self-exclude yourself from everywhere, even establishments you’ve never been to and from types of gambling that you’ve never done. Like an alcoholic, you’ll drink anything where supply is scarce.

* Distance yourself from gambling acquaintances - tell them you have a problem, and delete their number from yr phone. They won't miss you, as they're not true friends.

* Don’t go in or near gambling establishments. Walk on the other side of the street. Take a different route.

* Change channel the moment gambling comes on the TV, or walk out of the room.

* Have someone install gambling block software onto your phone and all PC/tablets, and only they must have the passwords so only they can change or uninstall it.

* I you are seeing gambling ads on your phone or laptop, it means you didn’t do the last step.

LESSONS I’VE LEARNED...

1. The only way to win at gambling is not to play.
2. You are never ‘cured’. I’ve may have done a reasonable job of rewiring my brain, but the old underlying patterns are still there if I wake them. If I was to have just one bet today, I have no doubt whatsoever that my accounts and anything else I can get my hands on would be empty tomorrow. I’ve personally seen people do this after 10 years abstinence, very sad. For extra insurance my wife is instructed by me to leave and take the children if I gamble, no matter what I say.
3. You have to either be a gambler or a non-gambler. Black & white, no grey area. Those that try to control or regulate their gambling never do so for very long. Anything that throws us off emotional centre will send us retreating back into our isolation cave where we can self-medicate our pain.
4. Gambling addiction is progressive in its nature. That means we constantly need more of it to get the same adrenaline/dopaminebuzz. So if you keep at it you can expect the rollercoaster to get a LOT scarier as the bets get bigger, the debts get bigger, and the stress becomes unbearable. Don't even think about getting yourself checked out, as the effects gambling has on your brain and your heart are extreme.
5. You need to help others in order to help yourself. Otherwise you are just another temporary version of your selfish self, thinking about yourself. Help others to recover through simple support & encouragement and you will help yourself. Sometimes you end up giving advice to others that is meant for yourself.

It has worked so far - by taking it one day at a time. Hopefully there's some things in my experiences that you can identify with or use to bolster your own recovery.

Also check out my gambling addiction blog for more detail on the above and additional information that will help you stay off.

You’ll also find me on Twitter @GamblerHelp and the new online community for problem gamblers and their families at GamHelp

All the best,

Mike

Just realised passed the 3 month gamble free mark. This time so much has changed and I feel so positive about the future. The secret is out and I no longer live in fear.

Payday today. This is the first time my wages have been paid into joint account and my wife has total control over finances. Have to say, rather than feeling frustrated I am actually relieved. Everything worked out, solid blocks in place, brother has my CC cards and access to credit reports etc. Plus starting 5asides with friends tonight and looking forward to it! Dont think my body is right enough will be sore at weekend!

In counselling this week realised that I had meant to self-exclude from arcade at a service station I used to gamble at regularly. Had been putting it off due to forms etc coming through door (and subconsciously maybe keeping a door open). I no longer need to fear being 'found out' so gonna sort that out asap. Handing myself fully over to recovery this time, feels good.

Onwards and upwards.

Thomas.

Gamcare counselling came to an end last week. Went to my 1st GA meeting last night. Not because somebody made me but off my own back I felt like it was something I needed to do. Not saying that for a pat on the back, just highlights the difference this time. Need to do this for myself as much as anyone else. Lots of good aspects but still some of the old doubts I had from over a decade ago niggling at me about the 'GA way' but need to focus on the positives of the meeting. Going to go back next week. Over 100 days gamble free, things continuing to get better.

Hi TM,
Its always good to read about positive steps being taken towards recovery amd as they say actions speak louder than words. GA might not work out for you, but stick with it for a while and as least you can say you gave it a chance.

Damo

Thanks Damo. Great to see how things are going for you. I am going to stick with it, I know I need to change more than just 'not gambling' and I think GA will help me do that. People there 10+ years down the line some of them weren't on board with it for a long time but they are walking examples of how it simply just works.

Thanks for the post on my thread mate, I really appreciate the support from you and other people in our position. 111 days GF is a great achievement and you are doing everything possible to get your life back on track and be happy. Onwards and upwards.

Nice to catch up on the chat earlier Tommy, great to see you moving forward after the relapse and you seem to have a claer mindset going forward, keep it up bud

KTF

Attended 3rd consecutive GA meeting this week, was a good one. Will miss next week as on holiday which I'm so looking forward to - need a break!

One thing that has really hit home with me at GA this time... just because you stop gambling doesn't mean your life will automatically get better. You have to work on other areas of your character and life in order to recover and lead a better life and ultimatley be happy again.

Most of us come here focussing on stopping gambling or paying off debts (I did that too) but we need to go further than that. It's as much an emotional problem which means we need to address that side of it too. It's gonna be a long road (not a quick fix) but one I'm fully committed too.

Onwards and upwards.

I've just read this thread and want to congratulate you on what you have achieved. I'm only at the start of my recovery and this is good inspiration! Good for you and enjoy your holiday.

A while since I checked in here. Been going every week to GA which is helping me massively. I try now to live an honest live, being honest with myself and others. In a week it will be 200 days since I stopped gambling for good. I feel it inside now, this time it is really different. I am no longer consumed by gambling thoughts, whether that be regarding recovery or wanting to gamble. Gamcare counselling helped me realise that the only way forward was to open up to those closest to me - the hardest thing I have done but the best. Until I could be honest then I wasn't really in recovery just abstaining from gambling which ultimately leads you back to it as you feel you are depriving yourself of something rather than tackling it and replacing it with something far better. I used to be one who would pick out negatives in the GA way, having gone there way back and just not being mature enough or willing to be open to idea that it simply just works if you embrace it. I have accepted that I need that in my life for now and the ongoing in future, all the evidence throughout my adult life says that I can't do it on my own.

Onwards and upwards.