Things have took a turn for the worst,had a relapse thur,fri.I am so angery with myself.Ithought i was doing so well but it just goes to show how hard this thing is to beat.I now know i must never go pub on my own untill i can walk past a bandit without wanting a go on it.Thurday I went pub had a few pints and was doing fine,then god knows why i started watching somebody playing on the bandit,i thought its not costing me anything so where is the harm!this was at 6.30 by 1am i was down £250.I went work at 7am and all i was thinking about was what a mug ive been again.knocked of work at 12.30 had to go in the bank to pay back some money i used the night before.Money that was not mine to use in the 1st place.Well the pub is right next door to the bank,and i had this silly idea that if i went back on the bandit i might manage to win half my money back from last night.
Put £210 in it and manage to walk out the pub with £40. Feeling full of self pity i went into the bookies with the £40 thought to myself nothing to lose now,its the only chance to try and get my money back.( I had not been in the bookies since 23th may)I did not enjoy playing the fobt 1 bit, my goal was just to try and get some of my money back,wasnt getting a buzz out of it like i use to,i wanted to win and get out of there as soon as possible.Well the win didnt happen,am not surprised really. so there we have it 1 moment of weakness has undone all the hard work ive put into it.So its time to start all over again! 3RD SEPT is now day 1
Hi Carl
It's not all in vain. If you really want this you'l get it. This is just part of your journey until you are ready to stay stopped. Just get back up in the saddle and start again. This time remember the pain that goes with this gambling malarkey. Keep posting and use the phone to speak to someone. Take care
Mate read your thread! Gambling is the road to nowhere! We just have to store these negativefeelins and think when we are tempted how bad we feel!
Stay strong and take it one step at a time - you can do this!
Day 3,still feel gutted its only day 3 after my slip up.I had came close to paying my overdraft off as well.now its back to the max along with my credit card.So now am going to pay as much as i can on my o/d,no treats for me untill its paid off.That should teach me a lesson not to do it again!!
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Thanks Rob, yes i am keeping out the pub,so wont need to go in the bank.only have to go in there when ive been in the pub and spent money thats not mine,so have to put it back the next day.Ive have been thinking how did i ever get in this mess to start with,and wondering what my life would have been like if i had never gambled.something i will never know i guess.but i can start a life now without it,and maybe 1 day in my life i might manage to have a car thats not over 12years old all the time.
10days no pub on my own,which makes it 10days not gambling on bandit.
Well done mate.
I can relate to your slip as I had 1 recently myself (few days ago). Its gambling, they dont want us to quit. The thing plays in our minds, makes us think we have beaten it or are in control again but then the door opens in places you would never expect.
Your doing well for admitting the slip and good for staying away from the pub so you cant gamble.
You should do in future what you told me to do, take very low sums to the pub, buy all your pints in 1 go or at worst if your having a longer session in the pub make sure you have £20 tops on you, that means you have enough for at least 7 or 8 pints, and the temptation to play on the machine decreases (though logical thinking... We know the machines need a tenner or more before you get on the board, so if your like me and go all in with £100's each time the idea of putting a few quid in and not being on the board loses its appeal slightly)
Best of luck now mate!!!
Well as you can see its been awhile since Ive put anything in my dairy.you can guess its because i got sucked back into the gambling world.i wasn't going to come back on here because i feel so ashamed of myself,i can go as far to say i hate myself for what i become,but i do really want to stop this madness so i need to keep hold of this site,i need all the help i can get.Up until a couple of weeks ago things were going well,i had about payed my debts of and thought i had got my clean start that i had wanted.Then for some stupid reason i went to the casino,ended up losing about 1300,overdraft and credit card again! i felt like my world had just caved in,the thoughts i had going round my head scared me for sure. I couldn't believe i was back to owing 1300 again,so i went back the next week to try and get it back,it just went from bad to worst 2700 in debt now! then only the other day my partner said to me you must be feeling so good with yourself now you stopped gambling and have no debt,you must be rolling in it.I just cant tell her what i did again it would destroy her,so i said yes am doing well money in the bank and no worries.It hurt me so much telling her that,but better me with the hurt then her.My daughter is out of work at the moment,i try and help her when i can the odd £10 and £20 here and there.When i think how much i chucked away,then think i could have gave my daughter £200,it would have meant the world to her,but am so selfish all i could think about was the gambling.Am going to try and be a better person,because i cant stay the way i am at the moment,i cant even look at myself in the mirror without the feeling of disgust,and hate.So as of today i am £2700 in debt.I will do my best to try and get this sorted one way or another.
You have come back on here and been very honest with yourself.
And that really shows how determined you are to stop this madness.
Chasing losses never, ever works. Just forget about the past, you will not get that £2700 back by gambling.
What really matters now is the future and the present. Each day that you don't gamble is another day towards being much more financially stable. You may not feel this right now but time really is a great healer.
You are so right about what you could have given your daughter if you were not a CG. The sad thing that you have to admit is that you are a CG just like all of us on here but once you have admitted this, this will be the first step towards a gamble-free life.
All the very best, stay very strong and very positive. You can do this this time!
GT
Been 11days since i went off the rails,still playing alot on my mind,which is good i suppose.spent the weekend at a hotel in derbyshire,good job i had paid for it in advance.Was a nice chill out time.These are the things i could do a lot more of if i didnt gamble,so i must keep that in mind. Debt now at £2567.
Sitting here at work on my dinner time thinking how the hell am i going to pay for my mot,tax,ins and xmas.Gambling is no diffence than self harming i guess. when you do it you know the pain its going to cause,but still do it!just a few hours of gambling can give you months of pain,and stress......
I DID think about it, Carl10, I read your diary and it really did make me think. Thanks for posting.
Just been to get my car tax. £71 its a lot to part with.yet when i gambled £71 was nothing,would do more on 1 spin,crazy.i guess when your not gambling money gets its vaule back.I nearly never brought a bacon and sausage cob at work today because it cost £2.30,and ive not got much money left.Then i thought to myself if i cant spend £2.30 on a cob after working all week then whats the point in working at all!!
I remember recently making £30 in my wallet last for a very long time, and I'm talking weeks here.
Stupid really, when you consider how long that £30 would have lasted during our gambling days.
Let's make the money work for ourselves this time!
GT
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