This time....

I have no words really but I have read your thoughts folks and I am warmed by them. I feel perhaps the tinniest flicker of hope..... hope to start working on myself again

I am powerless over gambling and I want to stop. Its a start.

https://youtu.be/_BRv9wGf5pk

You got the power - we have the support - go for it.

Listening like mad.

xxxx

No gambling since my last post.

How anxious and depressed do i have to get before I stop gambling forever?

I was watching "Don't pay we take it away"... the high court enforcement people evicting people form their homes for non payment of rent. That could be me in just a few months. It scared me watching it. Thats no bad thing.

I will watch the London marathon and then go for a run.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

P.s Intermittent reinforcement affects the way we think about rewards. Think about slot machines. Slot machines are programmed to keep a small percentage (usually 5-25%) of the money and pay out the rest in "random" winnings and jackpots. If the payout was predictable, for example, if on every play the gambler entered one dollar and got back exactly 90 cents, the odds would be the same but the gambler would quickly get bored and annoyed. What keeps them feeding the machine is the frequent small payouts (2-10 times the bet), the occasional medium sized payouts (50-100 times the bet) and the dream of the rare payout (over 1000 times the bet). Most people will feed small and medium-sized winnings straight back into the machine and keep playing until they get bored or go broke. That's how intermittent reinforcement works. Slot machines account for approximately 70% of casino earnings.

The above is me. Can't believe I got sucked into the trap once more. Am such a numpty

Morning SA,

Thanks for sharing that.

Sending you strong and determined thoughts my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for your lovely words yesterday.

Hope you are keeping strong and safe

Suzanne xxx

Hi all. Pleased to say that I haven't gambled since my last post. Thank f**k for that.

My compulsive gambling is like a double whammy. Something internal triggers me to self-destruct and then everything external has a pop as well.... and so the envelopes of doom start coming through the door. "We notice that you have increased your overdraft twice in the last fortnight"..... "well yes thats right Mr Bank, you see I was really rather interested in getting the bonus feature on rainbow riches and I needed more of the banks money to do that". I am being facetious. Its very sad isn't it. I feel very sad. As you say NT "throwing ones money away to watch electronic graphics and electronic sounds". My computer is now blocked but the damage has been done.

No bouncing back quickly this time but if I don't gambling things "will in all probability" not get any worse.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi S.A

Keep fighting. Things will definitely not get any worse. Try and enjoy the weekend. You must have helped so many people with your posts and support and fully deserve to beat this addiction.

New day

Hi SA,

Thank f**k for that indeed lol.and as you say as long as you keep strong, they won't get any worse,

OAU now my friend, sending you strong and determined thoughts.

Take care of you.

Suzanne xxx

Hi there, it's the Thames path 50 or 100 mile run today and watching them all jogging by on the opposite bank always reminds me of you. Think they start at Putney and judging by the state of some of them I hink they are overly confident if they think they will make 50 miles but all in a good cause. There is another run in September and I am sending you link just in case as dont think it's such a long distance. Might fill a weekend for you and happy to donate to charity of your choice and provide tea and snacks after or during. Just a thought as you are back on track.

Thames Path Challenge (Saturday, September 12, 2015 ...

Keep moving on SA,..even little mole hill jumped over is an achievement itself!

I believe in you, do you believe in urself?

Keep on running man, I'm right beside ya 😉

S x

Thanks everyone your thoughts are appreciated. No gambling since my last post.

Difficult day yesterday. Walked to Halfords to pick up my bike only to discover that the problem hadn't been resolved and I now need even more new parts and hence more money to shell out... money that i can ill afford of course! I felt panicky cos my bike is like everyone elses car. It gets me to work. If I don't get to work I go under, its as simple as that.

I had many thoughts of gambling but I didn't gamble. If i'd of known how to remove the gambling blocking software on my computer i'd most probably have done so... but I didn't... so it did its job, just like my self-exclusions from bricks and mortar hell holes did their job. When i feel stronger I will exclude myself from 2 more places but at the moment I can't quite trust myself so that will have to wait.

Today I do feel a bit better. Better in that I stopped myself going into another mega meltdown. If I'd of known 20 years ago that i'd still be struggling with this s**t... then i think i'd of finished myself off there and then. But hey ho my life has been what it has been and I can't do nothing about how its been and like I say.... I do actually feel a bit better today.. slept quite well and though it might not come across as positive.... this post is meant to be positive. So here we go...its a smiley face! 🙂

Thanks for listening... 🙂

Morning SA,

It's great to see a smiley face :-).

Have a good strong and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you both.

Another post today, am feeling mentally well, first time for quite a while. Just need to log this for posterity.

Picked my bike up, another few quid spent on a part. I decided to self-exclude from the shopping centre arcade. Found a photo booth, got my photos. I walked in with purpose... but unsurprsingly I got the usual answer which is "Its only the manager that can... bla bla"... I said i would be back and I will go back. Practical barriers are helping me. I haven't gambled recently in any place that am excluded from. Once this place is done and one other place then i would have to travel if I really wanted to gamble. Computer blocked. Time to get back on track.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Good news SA, you sound like you are in a different frame of mind at this time, and that my friend is very positive.

I think you are already getting back on track.

(((((SA)))))))

Suzanne xxx

Dear SA

Obviously I don't know yet, yet reading your story I feel I do. I found your posts upsetting as they were so raw but true. If I could extend a hand and make it all go away I would, and I'm sure you would do the same for everyone else here too. Sometimes it really does have to be hitting rock bottom to come up again, and come up new. I hope that is the case for you. Please find some strength and please continue to be honest. Your post has helped me not to gamble today. You made a difference to me. Please continue to do so.