Today is day 2!
Yesterday was so difficult, not from temptation but from regret. I kept replaying things in my head! That feeling is a feeling i never want to deal with again! It was devastating! I couldn't eat and i hated putting on a front so that my family didn't feel like there was anything wrong. All i want to do is tell my husband but i just can't risk the fact that he just might leave me. I typed out msgs of what i wanted to say but i could never send them. It's my mess and i'll deal with it!
I just need to get the next few months out of the way, financially and then hopefully i'll start to see my money again and begin to feel happy again.
Today is a new day and I feel a little better. I slept much better last night and feel like i'm already on the up. I know i can do this! I've never fully closed my accounts, always left the odd £10/£20 limit on them. Not this time. They're all closed and this is the first time i've come on here too!
I just want to keep writing on here to remind me how bad i actually felt and what it's like to feel like when you're starting again!
Welcome and I hope you manage okay
Day 3 begins!
feeling a lot better today! I hate lying about money to my husband but I can't let him find out! Maybe when I'm further down the line n he finds out which I'm sure he will he will find it on his heart to forgive me!
sounds silly but I'm taking around finding every penny that I can find that will contribute to my debts that I racked up in he past few days. As it stands I have had no further temptations as I don't think I've ever felt as low as I did the other day! I just need to take each day as it comes and hopefully I'll manage!
Hi KelMar and welcome to GC! First step on admitting you have a problem is the hardest of them all but that first brick in recovery road is being laid so very well done.
Not gonna tell you run and confess to your husband, i understand it's very hard thing to do, but just so you know, everyone who did it, felt the weight lifting off their shoulders and felt a lot better instantly. Addiction makes us lie..pure truth. Recovery on the other hand, works only with honesty. You stopped lying to yourself and others around you.
Well done on closing the accounts, did you think of self excluding from them all? Online gambling is pure evil and there are million sites you can open accounts on when urges strikes. Can you put a blocker on your device? K9 is for free and stops all gambling activity..just need someone to put a password in for you. Why not to contact GC and just maybe get more support for yourself, there is support for other halves also, when you ready to take that step and tell him. They offer free counselling and on many cases, gambling addiction seems to sterm from the past events.
This is not an easy road, it will be many bumps on the road but every day u abstain, you move closer to peaceful life you and your loved ones deserve. Maybe worth looking into your local GA, i am not attending one but read that it might just be the route you need to take and it helps loads of people. Urges might hit you quite often, never forget they are only thoughts and you don't have to act on them. Try and keep yourself busy, set yourself little goals, find new hobbies and most importantly, don't look back. Whatever you lost you won't get back, time to start building that bridge from the scratch once again.
Keep posting, you're not on your own. Community on here will always support you and advice on things.
Welcome to recovery ☺
One day at a time, you can start claiming your life back
Sandra x
Thanks for replying! Telling my husband is all I think about however he has found out twice in the past before but I don't think he was fully aware of how serious it was. He did say if this happens again he will leave and I don't think I can risk that! I can deal with him not talking to me etc but couldn't face it if he left! I'm hoping that in a few months time and I have to tell him, he will understand a little more and can see the help I am trying to get.
My temptation is usually an urge, it comes from nowhere. I haven't got the software yet but I will look at getting it. It's mainly for my phone cause that's where I gamble! Thanks for advice though I really appreciate it!
Day 4!
feelings of regret are still there but aren't as bad as day 1! Atm I'm feeling optimistic and feel like I won't slip up but who knows and that's what I need to prepare for more than anything! It'll hit me hard when all if the statements come through n the min payments r through the roof! It's annoying I just want a quick fix but I don't have one! I have to go at this head on n with the right frame of mind!
hello Kelly Mar
Good luck on your journey, it will be tough but each day that passes will make you stronger. I know how difficult it is to tell your partner but having the secret hidden is much more difficult. As long as you are determined to beat this and you can prove this to you partner it will be a giant leap. All the very best
Day 5!
Just a quick post to remind myself to just take each day as it comes! 3 or 4 months down the line I an imagine most of those negative feelings will have gone but as it stands I'm limiting all my money which I hate doing but then I've spent so long doing it now it I've become used to it. It was at these times where is risk the odd tenner to double my money just for that but more but I am fully aware I can no longer do that! That's what needs to stick in my head now! Keeping myself busy n finding other ways if making/saving a little extra cash. Selling my junk, spending less on food! I just need to be smarter now!
Day 6!
feeling a bit edgy today! Feel like I need to keep myself occupied. Playing lots of other games online to stop me from gambling. Haven't caved yet and don't intend to either!
Day 7!
One week ago i has my last bet now. I feel a lot better compared to how I felt last week. Even though I'm broke for the next months not gambling actually makes me feel better! Strange! If only I knew this last week but I can't turn back time just learn from it!
Times usually hard to find...currently off work at the moment but once I'm back there I don't get a minute to myself so that's a good thing. Location...u can do it anywhere these days with phones etc but I've done all I can to prevent this too! My mindset is completely different this time n now I'm just taking each day as it comes! I've never counted days before never used this site before so maybe things will be different! I hope it will!
KelMar123 wrote:
Today is day 2!
Yesterday was so difficult, not from temptation but from regret. I kept replaying things in my head! That feeling is a feeling i never want to deal with again! It was devastating! I couldn't eat and i hated putting on a front so that my family didn't feel like there was anything wrong. All i want to do is tell my husband but i just can't risk the fact that he just might leave me. I typed out msgs of what i wanted to say but i could never send them. It's my mess and i'll deal with it!
I just need to get the next few months out of the way, financially and then hopefully i'll start to see my money again and begin to feel happy again.
Today is a new day and I feel a little better. I slept much better last night and feel like i'm already on the up. I know i can do this! I've never fully closed my accounts, always left the odd £10/£20 limit on them. Not this time. They're all closed and this is the first time i've come on here too!
I just want to keep writing on here to remind me how bad i actually felt and what it's like to feel like when you're starting again!
i told my partner today and he has been very supportive.telling him has helped me come to terms and scare me into knowing how close i could come to losing him.im not saying all partners will be supportive however the gambling doesnt stop when its a secret x
I know! I understand that but as much as I would love to tell him the fact that he told me last tine he would leave scared me. He'll think that I didn't care enough in the first place...even though I did I just felt the gambling got the better of me.
Im on day 8 now and I feel like I'm doing ok. I feel like I can do this now! Before when I stopped I didn't block accounts etc but I've taken extra steps this time to make sure I can't! I know there's always a way but I feel different this time round. I'm trying to think positive!
Day 9!
Still going strong! Still determined! Finding myself other things to do which is key I think!
Day 11!!!
I feel like a normal happy person right now! Gambling triggers so many bad habits n moods swings! I don't need them! Still going strong!
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