TiMe FoR cHaNgE

Hi AJ,

Hello AJ

I have been following your posts and I have said already if you were my son I would be proud of the way you are going. Just because you are expressing your true feelings, does not mean you are feeling sorry for yourself. What would be the point of coming on here if you weren't going to say what is really troubling you, so don't ever think that.

I wish my son would come on here, I wish he would go to his doctor, these are all steps forward that you are taking.

Paying back your debts, have you tried contacting citizens advice, some of them have debt advisors. Or, can you contact your creditors direct and come to some arrangement whereby you pay only what you can afford each month to each of them. I am no expert on this but I know it can be done, this is what my son was going to do, but when it was set up he left home again and ran away from the debt. NOT A GOOD IDEA.

I hope you get things sorted with your dad, whatever happens keep your cool and don't get into confrontation.

Best of luck to you AJ. I will be thinking of you.

Rosemary

Hello again AJ

Just to add to my last post. About your debt. Go on the www.moneysavingexpert and scroll down to how to deal with debt.

There is good advice also if you have bank charges for late payments, overdrafts etc, you may be able to claim them back as far back as 6 years. The charges are not legally enforcable. You still have to pay interest though. Check it out.

Good luck

Rosemary

Hi AJ, hope you are feeling more positive today. We all have "feel sorry for myself" days and are entitled to do so. It does seem that we are in an uphill struggle when all we want to do is right the mess we have made, and noone seems to want to help or if they do, they feel entitled to rip us off with extra high interest.

But hope you are able to find an organisation that will enable you to lump the bills together. good luck Joy

hey hey AJ

it was so nice chatting to you this afternoon, and good to know that you are still hanging in there

just want you to know i am thinking of you, and i am sure that you will find the right path for yourself

just go steady and love yourself

today is a good day, and i am living evey moment to my full potential

20/08/06

Thank you all for your kind comments.

its been a week of ups and downs, with my gambling issues taking a side line and personal issues trying to be addressed.

i cant hide anymore from my problems. money problems will eventually be resolved, but relationships need to be rebuilt and trust and respect need to be gained again. not easy but its what i want to do, and right now im doing what I want to do. I want to stop gambling, i want to get my life back on track, I want to fix things with my father, I want to start again. I dont need any of these things, but concentrating on my wants out of life is my way forward.

i apologise to those who read my posts and reply to them, yet i havent been replying to others posts recently. mainly because i spend lees time here now and the time i do spend here i do so reading others diaries and posts looking for advise on how to make my next move. I do read all the posts here, and find them very useful

gone 1am, feeling very tired, hence the rambling, but cant really sleep. took a sleeping pill prescibed by the doc about 30mins ago, think its kicking in now.....so best get off before i collapse at the keyboard

one more day and im at 3 weeks again....unbelievable

AJ

Good morning AJ

Hope you slept well.

You have such a sensible approach to things, even when half asleep!

Whether you reply to posts or not, if you take what you need from this site and it helps you, well all the better. 3 weeks is marvelous.

I know the finances can be sorted, but do not ignore them and with some organisation you may not have to pay all the charges on your account, don't pay what you don't need to.

I wish you all the luck in the world with the relationship with your father.

Have a good day.

Best wishes

Rosemary

A J l have read you post from the first day and l was so moved by it the time you first went into that black hole l am only 16 days gamble free but reading you story has really helped me to focus on what is right my husband is termially ill and l would love to be able to tell him but l can't as he has althimerzs so it is only this site that has kept me straight an l am thankful for that good luck with you recovery and hope to hear from you sometime so that you can perhaps help me when l get into them dark days which l am sure are not over yet loza x

3 weeks again today for the third time, feeling proud i got this far again but its been a difficult trip

Thanks for your post Loza, im glad my sometimes random thoughts have been some use to you 🙂 I sympathise with your current situation, and its truely people like yourself who go through more then just a gambling problem that bring us back down to reality and give us confidence and drive to get back on track. I wish you and your husband happy times for the near future.

I havent got much to add today, ive got some goals which ive been thinking about and broken down into short, medium and long term (thanks Carol-ann :-)) really helps to see things written down

still job hunting, need to get my cv upto date tomorrow and start filling in those life draining application forms.

Hope everyones well

AJ

Dear AJ

Even when you have been feeling down lately, you have still managed to post positive messages to people today to try and lift them. Don't want to sound patronising but, I think you are a good lad and I wish you all the best in life.

Rosemary

Keep strong AJ. You CAN do it.

Think of the flat, the freedom from debt, the girl!!

Take one day at a time. x

AJ

You have been on one hell of a journey and, all credit to you, it looks like you are starting to come out the other side.

Well done mate and stay strong - you have done so well!

All the best

Hatch

22/08/06

it all makes so much sense now. ive been trying to mend things with my dad all week but he just keeps avoiding me. no one is home today, and i went snooping round the house. he is in worse debt then me, the creditors are on his case, he has no money at all and debts just keep building. i dont understand, he earns a very good wage, he just remortgaged, how can he be in so much debt? i feel bad now, because i know he wants to turn to me for help, they think i have so much money, and i swear if i had it i would give them everything, but when he does ask, i dont know what im going to say. hes going to be so disappointed. i know he will ask pretty soon as he hasnt been making payments for the last 3 months, i found a whole stack of bills hidden away. im wondering if he too has a gambling problem

we're both in such a state at the minute, but at least i have found the courage to own up to my mistakes and try to make them right. my dad on the other hand is just hiding everything and is so stubborn he wont talk to anyone not even my mum. apologies as i know this isnt gambling related, just general life waffle, but its something that i could have helped with if i stopped back year ago like i wanted to.

its another driver to sort myself out so in then longer run i can help my parents, i dont want them to live like this for the rest of my life. I think my father has been avoiding me because he thinks i have a lot of money, and when he asks for some i only give him a few hundred, and not the thousands he expects. this time i might have to come clean to him and tell him i have a problem.

tense times at home, wish i could run back to london and hide away, but its not the way to deal with this. 3 months ago thats exactly what i would have done, but this time.......i need a game plan...

AJ

Hello AJ

Do you know what, in some ways you are SO sorted and in other ways a little mixed up. One thing is for sure though, you have a big heart.

It is admirable that you would want to help your dad out of debt, BUT what if he does have a gambling problem, bailing him out is not the answer as you well know.

Before he has the chance to put you in an awkward position by asking you for money, might you not mention to him first, that you have been having problems, which have caused you to be in debt. Then he will know that you do not have money to lend. If he earns a good wage, it must be going somewhere.

My opinion only, BUT I do not think it is your place to have to work and make money to pay off your parents debt. I say that only because I know what my own parents were like and my dad used to ask me for money, but ask me not to tell my mam. I never gave him any.

Please don't feel obligated to bail your parents out, even though I think you are marvelous for wanting to.

I hope you are able to sort this out for your own peace of mind.

Best wishes

Rosemary

hang in there mate think of you first and if theres enough of you left to go round thats great but please put you first all the best john.