TiMe FoR cHaNgE

thanks aj for that lremember when we talked it was good l wish you well and hope to hear from you from time to time just to let me know how you are and thanks for everything good luck luv loza xx

A.J where are you you have not posted in a while hope you are ok and stil on track post me and let me know loza xx

Hi Loza

its been a while since i last posted on my diary. i went for 3 weeks without coming to this site - i want to get to a position where i can just move on from this whole experience. I came back here because of what happened to my friend, who by the way is now facing eviction from his flat, it annoys me so much seeing it from the other side, affecting someone i know so well and personally

when i was at my lowest of lows a few months ago, i didnt feel anyone understood me, i felt as if no one cared, and here i am today with some actually asking me how im doing, someone who cares about what im up2. thanks for your support, and everyone else here, for some of us, if we dont have each other we have no one, and for that im very greatful

im still on track, trying to get on with life, i get paid tomorrow, always a scary time, but ive now setup direct debits to pay my bill as soon as it comes in and i withdraw the little i have left to help me get through the month, so shouldnt be too much of a problem. id be lying if i said i didnt want to play poker, i still do, but just learning how to deal with it and enjoying the extra time i now have is something i dont want to lose.

busy at work, still job hunting, no luck so far, but application deadlines are looming, so need to step things up

hope alls well

AJ

Hi AJ,

Sounds like you're doing well. I'm on day 143 today but have started getting some niggly feelings of wanting a bet. I still dream quite regularly that I'm gambling-It all seems so normal.

Keep strong,

James.

Hello AJ

It is good to know you are still doing well. I am sorry to hear about your friend though, his eviction brought back awful memories for me regarding my son.

Because of your friends gambling, you are looking at the situation you COULD have been in had you not stopped. It is heartbreaking I know.

One of my best friends is suspicious of her son, she thinks he is gambling, even though he knows what gambling has done to my son. The things she tells me about his behaviour sounds all to familiar, there seems to be a pattern.

I know now, that my son is working and renting a room from friend, that makes me feel better at the moment.

Stay strong AJ

Best wishes

Rosemary

hi aj, and good to catch up with your news.

its good to hear from you, and its good to know that you are feeling so much stronger.

looking forward to hearing from you again

today is a good day, adn i am living every moment to my full potential

Hi AJ

good to hear you are well and still gambling free and getting stronger.

All the best

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

hmmmmmmm....

still in this daze of what will become of me in the future, but ive slowly realised what has happened over the past 2 years

i remember how it all started. it was out of curiosity i installed my first poker app, deposited ВЈ10, didnt have a clue how to play, got lucky on one hand and made it £11. wow i thought. i just made a 10% return in 15 minutes. imagine if i played on the higher stakes tables how much i could make.....

then the next day i lost ВЈ20, the day after another ВЈ30. then i put in another ВЈ140 a week later......my first chase to get back the ВЈ60 id lost, no suprise i lost it all. £200 lost in total and i thought damnnnn, thats enough. and i actually stopped for 4months.

then i started a new job. money was coming in and i had spare......hmmmmm maybe i can get that ВЈ200 back i thought......this time bigger amounts......ВЈ500.......ВЈ1000.......ВЈ2000.......i remember one day i deposited £6000 from my savings, everything since i was born, it didnt matter then, i just wanted to play poker

8 months later i had nothing to show for the 8months of being employed, i had no saving......what next?

ahhh my credit cards! i can get it back, just need that big win!.....2 months later my credit cards are maxed out, all 10k worth on 3 cards

but wait! i can take out a loan!....i asked the lady on the phone for a quote on a 5k loan......she said if you take out more then 7k you get a cheaper rate, i said great ill take it!....3 days later i have 7k in my account.....

all gone within a month...

desperate times now as i need money to pay off bills and rent....i lied to friends and family that a great investment opportuinity has come up and if they want in thet should give me the money..........i managed to get 3k in total......

2 weeks later.....all gone.......

i continued to struggle 6 months on...i get paid, i lose it all in one night....i have no rent money, i have no food money, i have no bills money, i have nothing.....thanks god for good friends who helped out without questioning why i was struggling

several slips and suicidal thought later, i have been gamble free for about 3-4 months now, and everything i wrote about seems to have been a lost memory. it all came back to me in the past few weeks, how it all happened, its as clear as day now, but when i was gambling, i dont recall all the deposits, all the lying, all the chasing.......i just wanted to play

im not proud of any of this, i need to pay back friends and family pretty soon, i hope they can understand if i cant. im still living in my overdraft, but if i need £50 i have it, i dont have to struggle like i did before, i can actually pay my own rent and buy my own food

i feel like an idiot, and i have been one....but im kind of glad this has happened at this stage in my life. i may have lost alot of money, some friends, and my confidence...but they can all be rebuilt and worked on. if this had happened in the future, when i have more responsibility, i would have been in a huge mess. i know now that gambling is no good, and will do anything and everything in my power to stay away for the rest of my life

just needed to get that out tonight, it depressing to read back but its what ive done, the only thing i want to do now is make it right

AJ

Hello AJ

What a great post! you have just put everything down in writing what happened in the past, that could have ruined your future. You have such a wise head on your shoulders and I feel so proud of you for not gambling these last few months. You have had a tough time and because of my own son, I have been so interested in your recovery.

To pay your own rent and buy food, after so long borrowing off others must make you feel good and it will only get better for you if you stick with it.

You have lifted my spirits this evening.

Best wishes

Rosemary

Hi AJ,

aj ... (it's probably a bad sign that as soon as I write that I think - ace-jack)

What limits did you play to lose so quickly?

Did you know about bankroll theory and choose to ignore it or weren't you aware of what sort of bankroll you should play with at certain limits?

I have really enjoyed reading your diary (have read it all the way through pretty much) and am glad that you are having success.

I would really be interested in your response if you choose to do so.

hi A J long time no hear where have you been yes it was a great day l did not know what to say so when he looked at me l just said hello he did not look as l thought he would he looks older he had a lot of people with him protecton officers well l am glad to hear you are still on the straight and narrow 14 weeks for me what a difference it has made to me post a bit more luv loza xx

been a while since i last posted. i don't feel the need to post much as not much is happening, except im not gambling! ive sort of taken a back seat with this forum, not making much noise but still around and reading regularly.

Noticed alot of new faces on the forum lately, makes me happy and sad at the same time, dont think i need to explain that one.

ive done a few stupid things in my life, gambling is just one of them! but sitting here in my backseat for the past few months has allowed me to reflect on whats going on around, slow down a bit in life and try and enjoy everyday just that little bit more.

its like my priorities has changed. 6 months ago i had one priority...GET RICH!...little bit different now. I was finally able to find the motivation to do my CV and fill in some application forms and ive now got 2 interviews coming up both with excellent opportunities, although my current job has got alot better in recent weeks.

funny how a bad experience can scare the s**t out of you to think about the future. I never used to think about where id be tomorrow, always living for today. thats not such a bad thing some might say, but if youre not looking ahead youre only holding yourself back for much brighter days, just my opinion.

i feel like i just want to settle down, pay my debts and start again. got paid yesterday put ВЈ500 straight to credit cards and most of the rest on rent and have £100 for the rest of the month which isnt too bad.

ive got some of my confidence back, was actually able to stand up in front of 20 people in a meeting at work and present for 30mins - something i cudnt have done 3 months ago. Was reading an interesting article about how it takes our bodies sometime to re-balance the chemicals after a troublesome period, and i can definately feel the difference.

So nothing new in AJ land, just thought id stretch my legs fromsitting in the backseat so long 🙂

xmas coming soon so looking forward to the holidays, cant believe its here so quick - last year this time i was saying to myself id stop playing in the new year....didnt work too well! ah well better late then never!

i watched a poker game on TV the other day, felt a tingle to play but nothing major that i wanted to jump on the computer and play. I dont have gamblock anymore and im not even tempted to play, just seeing my credit card balance being reduced is good enough for me!

hope all is well for everyone else, sorry i dont post as much on other peoples diaries, but i do read them and this site is still important to me now as it was 4-5 months ago.

AJ