TiMe FoR cHaNgE

hello aj we all know the feelings your having mate and its feels like cr**. all you can do is face it full on like you are and change it. you are well young enough to sort the rest of your life so please please do it . one day at a time mate , keep posting , dont forget your aims however far away they seem and even if you dont reply to all threads here read them all it will help you i promise . all the best john.

25/06/06

13 days of not having a bet and I blew it. I was feeling so low yesterday, I played poker online. I thought I was recovering and this site helps alot, I don't know what happened. I started with ВЈ200, lost it , and put in another ВЈ300. I lost £500, which isn't even mine. I can't believe it. All the advise I've been given from people on this website, all the lessons I thought I had learnt coming here, and I threw it all away. I'm sorry, feel like Ive left everyone down especially myself. How am I ever going to get over this, it's driving me mad. Family are starting to question what Im doing with my money, Im too ashamed to tell them, they would never understand. Why is this happening to me? I know I bring it on myself, but why is it so hard to stop, I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I get paid next friday, I need to do something before then to stop this else its all going to happen again. I think i've hit rock bottom, if I sink any lower I dont think I can come back. I can't summon the courage to pick up the phone and call the help line, im not ready to talk to anyone about this, what can I say? I feel as if no one will understand, even though I know people on this site do. I was up until 5.30am trying to win back my money, it seemed ok at the time, but now im thinking what the hell am i doing? Its like i become someone else, more is never enough and 10 more minutes turns into an hour. It my mums birthday next week, I was supposed to go out and buy her something today, but with what now? It's been extremely difficult getting this out on here, i had to convince myself i needed to post today, the shame is just too much, Ive realised this has turned me into an edgy person who doesn't like to be judged, even by people I dont know, but I have no support other then this site. I must have been someone bad in a previous life to be doing this to myself.

I need to get out of the house for a while, going for a walk.

AJ

tell the family mate , i know it will be hard in many ways but you gotta stop and once you spoken up theres no hiding .the first time i almost succesfully gave it up i cut out a section of a newspaper , it was a piece by a pro golfer whos name i forget but he had many addictions . the headline of the piece was IVE DUG MYSELF INTO A HOLE..ITS TIME TO STOP DIGGING. now i carried this everywhere and it helped but only cos i was honest with everyone to start with . that particular time i went 100 days without a bet but conned myself into gambling again. you gotta do it aj open up to the family mate . all the best john.

The only advice I can give right now is to install "gamblock" on your P.c. It really does help and stops you gettting into any online casinos. . If you really want to do it, download it now.

25/06/06

Thanks for the posts guys.

Ok, I took a knock and did something stupid. Had some time to breathe and think it over, its not the end of the world, and my previous post was a little dramatic but it helps to let things out somewhere when Im feeling down.

I lost ВЈ500 in one night. But 3 weeks ago I lost £3000 in 2 nights. I could have put in more last night, but I stopped. Maybe this is part of my recovery?

Anyway, feeling better now, watching the England boys do there thing, come on Roooooney!

Will join the chat room later tonight if its open.

AJ

Good chatting tonight AJ

Stay strong and remember all that was said. You CAN beat this.

Tracy xx

AJ

hang in my friend, your lights can and will be switched on again

when that happens u will see a whole different person, and its worth waiting for !!

AJ, like you said, you could have carried on and you didnt, so you knew your inner demons were losing their grip on you.

I slipped last week but not to the extent I would have previously, cos it made me feel sick and i didnt like myself very much.

So hang in there and if you get tempted go for the walk first!!!

Every day is a new day. cheers Joy

HI Aj

Kim xx

Hi AJ

Missed you in chat last night, Hope all is well. Speak soon hopefully.

Tracy xx

29/06/06

Busy busy busy at work, been itching to come and write a diary entry this week as the urges have been strong, but i haven't placed a bet in 5 days since my slip last week.

Pay day tomorrow...a gamblers nightmare. Mine anyway. I miss the days when i used to look forward to getting paid so I could go get hammered on a good friday or saturday night out 🙂

Should be ok as this month i come out of my overdraft, never to go under again 🙂

Going home to see the parents this weekend, i have to break it to them, how bad can it be? Ill just leave if its too much for them and come back when theyve calmed down. Theyve worked hard for the money they have, and for me to blow away a fortune will be hard for them to accept.

Sorry wasn't in chat Tracey, will hopefully make it on Sunday eve. Thanks to everyone who posted and reads my diary, it means alot.

Cheers

AJ

hello mate sure family will be fine. yes it'll be hard to swallow but they will realise i think that in telling them you ARE begining to put things right. all the best john.

Hope the weekend goes ok aj

Good luck for the weekend AJ.

I am sure that your parents will be great, after all you are still their little boy.

We all lose our way in life at times, but the strength of family and friends helps us get through it.

Speak soon and stay strong.

Tracy xx

Hi AJ,

Ditto, the very best of luck this weekend.

Do let us know what happens.

BW

H