TiMe FoR cHaNgE

AJ

Well done, i know what you mean about the payday thing, but its a routine thing and soon passes.

Well done, you have done brilliantly.

Tracy xx

you can do it aj . planning mate .all the best john.

29/07/06

26 days is a long time for me and think i need to start moving on. The urges are stil there, but its almost impossible for me to gamble again with all the stops ive put in place and i dont want to lose the 26 days ive been through, they have been hard and i dont want to start again.

As i havent told anyone about my problem, this site has been invaluable to me. But I think i need to get away from it for a while as it can constantly remind me of my gambling habits.

So this is my last post for a while, not sure when i will post again, but thankyou to everyone for their support, and i hope all goes well for everyone.

Take Care

AJ

Helo AJ

You were the first to reply to my posting about my son.Today, after sending him many emails he has at last replied, though he will not tell me where he is but says he is ok and has somewhere else to live after losing hhis flat etc. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you beat this habit. take care of yourself.

Please do not feel you have to reply, I understand you want to move from the site for a while. Do whatever it takes to get out of this habit.

Best wishes

Rosemary.

Hi Aj

Kim xx

01/08/06

I cant do this. I had a huge fight with my dad, thought sod the world, got drunk, thought i played ВЈ200, but actually put in £1300. I lost my pay this month and more again. I cant keep living like this. I was doing so well, 29 days i hadnt placed a bet, and now this. maybe this is my purpose in life to show others how not to live? i dont know what im going to do this month. no money for food, rent, bill, travel, nothing. theres no excuse, i know ive done it to myself, and yes i do know i have a problem, i have accepted it. theres nothing anyone can say or do right now to make this go away, i can 'stay strong', 'call the helpline and talk to someone', and the other things ive heard all before. nothing can help. i have a problem and it wont go away. this is my life, time to accept i am a gambler for life?

sorry if i have let everyone down, i didnt intend to do this. ups and downs in life will come, but if everytime a down comes, i gamble, how can i be cured? its how i react to these situations. I want to stop, i can stop i have done for 29 days, but where does recovery end? it will never end for me. i will always be like this.

im in a hole, i dont want sympathy, i dont want the usual 'accept you have a problem and dont gamble' type comments, i dont want anything from anyone. this is me. im a gambler. i will do everything in my power to stop gambling, but its like asking a bird not to fly.

tomorrow i start again for the 3rd time.

AJ

The only reason you can start again is that you have no money !.

Its not starting again because you want to is it ?

Just incase you never got my messege i'll put it on here (I'M NOT GOING TO DO A SYMPATHY TYPE POST)

Know you won't feel like talking or can't sleep, you need somone to go to locally who you don't know..... make an emergency appoinment at doctors.... get them to find a counselour or consultant to talk to face to face. They will find you some help, you are in the same area as someone needing a emergency operation. If you have even felt slighty suicidal mention it please (i'm actaully worried about you and rightly so )

I would go out of my way to help, but i'm just not qualified to help properly !

Seriously if you can't find no one or its really bad I would rather spend a couple hundred quid and come and try and help you out than spending a day betting, mean far more to me.

afterthought

Finally I may of found somthing I would like to do ! Maybe I should do some volentary work.

i will do everything in my power to stop gambling, but its like asking a bird not to fly.

The solution to all your problems below.....

Imagine you are a Penguin 🙂

Hope you see the funny side

AJ.

Mincer's words are harsh, but they are fair. You are clearly an intelligent fellow and you know that people aren't making it up when they say counselling helps. YOU NEED IT-GET IT. I bet (sorry for the pun) you've had suicidal thoughts. I've read most of your posts since you started and you have a long career in front of you but frankly you aren't coping trying to recover on your own-and I doubt you ever will unless you get that help. Mincer possibly meant to say that it's easy giving up when you're skint (if not, that is my opinion)-but I think you know that. Also, you are not doing everything in your power to stop gambling because it seems that you're using only this site for help.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AJ. PLEASE DO IT.

Good luck mate.

James.

01/08/07

Here i am AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

day 1 for the third time. Is it the final time? only time will tell

thanks for the posts Mincer and James - i did like the penguin crack M!

so today i feel like s**t. for the second motnh running i wont be able to afford bills, will have to ask flat mates to cover my rent again for the 3rd time, i have even less food then last month, i have no money at all and i feel so low i just want to sit in a corner and do nothing. i dont want to cry, i dont want to laugh, i dont want to do anything. just sit and do nothing.

forum chat helped today, no one in my life has shown me so much support, so i thanks those here who do care.

i doint care about the money anymore. my head is just so messed up at the moment. last time i slipped i wanted to kill myself, i dont feel this way this time, i just want it to all end and i want to have a life. i dont want every month to be a struggle. 83k is a hell of a lot of money to lose in 19months. but its happened and its gone, i cant get it back. im hurting no one but myself if i carry on

ive decided to call the helpline tomorrow, dont know what ill say, but i really cant do this alone.

its been a strange 2 years, never would i hae thought i would become an addict, but i am. who knows what i will be in another 2 years?

AJ

So ultimatly your flat mates do know there is a problem ?

Not knowing what it is though, added to the fact they will probally have a lack of understanding if they knew ?

Hello AJ

PLease don't lose heart. Are you able to tell your flat mates about the gambling? maybe they can help, I don't mean financially, but help you to cope with what you are going through right now. Please ring the helpline and speak to someone. By the way, how old are you AJ?

Best wishes

Rosemary

I promise you that you're doing the right thing AJ. Even better still if you tell your flatmates.

Hi AJ,

How are you doing today?

Please remember that the helpline is available to you whenever you want someone to listen:

0845 6000 133

BW

H

02/08/06

Mannnnnnnnnnn Im here againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, day 2!!!

I surprised myself today. I couldnt call the helpline like i promised yesterday as there was too many people around the office and i couldnt find a quiet corner to talk long enough. so while i was out for lunch (i couldnt afford anything so just wondered around) i came across a samaritans building. i walked past twice before i decided to go in. the woman at the front said hi, i said hi, and i just stood there, and she stared at me 'like ok....what do you want?'....and out of no where i said 'can you help, im addicted to poker'......i felt like a right idiot after i said that. she told me to take a seat, she made a call and down came this other woman. she didnt say anything except hi and follow me. and she took me to a room and said ok talk. ???????????????????????????????????????????? i didnt know what to say. i just wanted to leave. then she asked if i wanted to play poker, and i said if you give me a tenner i would, the joke didnt go down to well........anyway we got talking and eventually i told her everything. she just nodded as i spoke. i must have been talking for over an hour without her saying anything - from my gambling problem, to my diary on this site, to the people ive met here, about work, about my dad, my friends, everything. and after i was finished she talked for like 30min, even though i listened, i dont really remember what she said, it was just good to see someone face 2 face and talk about this, and she really did care. she offered counselling to me on a regular basis, and gave me loads of leaflets on debt advise and coping with gambling addictions. i was amazed at the response i got. she wasnt judging me, she wasnt feeling sorry for me, she just cared enough to show me i don have to do tis alone. im very greatful to her and ill be going back next week to see her.

so im feeling ok today, still a little down, but i know i can do this now.

i will recover from this 🙂

AJ