Time to stop

Thanks Deano8008,

Im finding this first day pretty tough......its not the missing the gambling but its the low feeling of how i have let myself get into this mess again. You would think feeling like this once would make you never want to feel like it again. My son and my partner are my world and to have let them down like this is really hurting me and my partner doesnt even know yet.

I know it takes time but i just dont want to feel like this anymore.

Day 2...

Well yesterday was the first time I haven’t had a bet in some time......although i still found myself looking at prices on football matches, I guess that has just become the norm for me. No chance of a bet though as not much money and I have blocked myself from all the site possible.

The feeling of achievement it still massively overwhelmed by the feelings of guilt and i guess alot of feeling sorry for myself. Today i have said I am going to try and be a bit more positive and try to get my head stuck into work before i head home tonight (I work away from home during the week).

It also happens to be my 4 year anniversary and luckily enough i had bought my partner a gift with some winnings i had last week before i lost the money. So when i get home i can give her that and try to hide how I am actually feeling just now.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi Damien.

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck in your recovery. You will have lots of ups and downs. Hopefully, the downs will not feel as bad as losing all your money on gambling any more.

It is good that you have confided in your mum. Even if you tell only one person, this can be a huge help. I confided in just three people and have left it at that. I think its about whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

Take care and remain strong - you are doing all the right things.

Feb.

Hi Damien.

I know exactly where you are coming from matey ... I have to say I'm not envious of you at the stage you are at.. I remember it like yesterday .. as you know i'm at 38 days so not too far in front .. but i can relate to you and can only say as you have read things can change very quickly ! set you sights on a week then another week and by then the feeling you will have will be so different to today ! as you I gambled online .. and lost pretty much the same as you too... the best option is to remove the access to money.. I handed my wife the cards I removed any and all from paypal etc i blocked my pc from gambling sites (though this was just something i did to stop that one time play as i have mentioned getting round the software can be done but its a barrier)

post on here as often as you can racking up the days as they pass.. money is money I've let go of what i lost i'll never get it back they won ! I contacted stepchange debt charity and got the ball rolling to sort that side out so I could concentrate on the addiction side.. It helped not to worry..

And now at day 38 I dare not gamble.. not for the reason i would loose money but it would re-set that hard earned counter.

Good luck and keep us posted

Kris

Keep strong Damian you have many good qualities that outshine this addiction

Congratulations on the anniversary mate hope you get home and have s nice night to take your mind of things. They will improve great you have told your mum and hopefully in time you can tell your wife.

KTF

All the best mate. I am starting this long road again myself. I have lost a lot maybe not as much as yourself but mentally I was verging on depression if I kept going. Stay strong

Hi Damian , just read your diary and sorry for not welcoming you sooner to the forum . Some great advice from all the posts above and you seem to have got all the important blocks in place , so well done for that ! A bit of time and space away from gambling will make the fog clear and life will begin to improve, I was feeling exactly the same as you 146 days ago , all those guilty feelings and thoughts of what I'd done and lost ! Best advice I can give , be honest to those you love , your wife at some point will need to know and better that it comes from you at a point that suits you rather than finding out from another source at another time , you know that our addiction thrives on secrecy and being totally honest allows it nowhere to hide ! Don't beat yourself up over things , we're all human and make mistakes forgive yourself , let go of all the losses and stop chasing them ! I'm sure if you do these things you're going to be just fine ! Take care for now , enjoy your evening out and keep posting ! Alan

Day 3

My best sleep for some time but again I wake up and the feelings of guilt hit me with a massive wave.

Today is my day off and I get to spend it with my boy which would normally mean him running around the house while I constantly log on and off my phone to play a hand at blackjack or a spin of roulette.

From today I am going to take him out every Friday, to swimming or something that both of us can enjoy.

Still haven't built up the courage to tell my partner but I have been getting some good advice for that on another post....one day soon hopefully. Do have my first counselling session at 4 today though.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Damian

Day 2 for me mate ! Enjoy your day. Think positive !

Hey matey,

Its like a time warp looking back into my life in december ... which i can say with a fairly decent degree of accuracy if you keep on track then you are in for a rough ride to a better life just a few weeks from now 🙂

The guilt will pass.. i rember almost crying to myself in the kitchen thinking i'd destroyed everything i'd worked hard for ... I was wrong probably the same as you are too .. there is always a way to sort the finances it's only money .. you want to spend time enjoying fridays with your lad ? how much better is that going to be rather than your head in phone gambling away getting frustrated ... so you are already seeing the benefits of loosing and accepting your problems.. if you'd have won nothing would have changed .. starting to think loosing is one great thing about gambling ... it gives you the power to stop

All the best

Kris

Thanks Kris,

Although not feeling great what I can say is that I feel a thousand times better than I did on Monday and Tuesday.

Maybe starting to see a little light ahead.

Have a great weekend.

Damian

you too buddy.. keep your head up 🙂 it will get better as doubtful as that may seem at the moment .. and imagine just 3 weeks from now how you will feel if 3 days made that difference !

Kris

Just had a call and my initial counselling appt has been cancelled as the person doing it is having to cover someone who has had to leave early.

I am disappointed but not much can be done.

On a more positive note I have been given a regular (suitable) time which they were not sure was going to be possible.

I spent the earlier part of the day out with my son and left my phone at home so I didn't have the temptation of looking at anything and I could give him my full attention.

Only day 3 but feeling some positives already.