to the future

hi im on 59 days ive not gambled for, I went out for a coffee today and had a piece of chocolate cake, had a nice day with a friend, I used to gamble in bingo halls and lost thousands of pounds.

Day 32

Thanks for the comments captain and stop.

Im having to really dig in at the moment im not having thoughts of gambling although im aware they can pop up anytime. Its the mess iv created going to have to be patient to get it sorted out its going to take time and maybe it might not ever be totally cleared up but I want to really try and im going to try my best.

Ive really hurt the people I love and that breaks my heart i feel terrible its not easy but what dø you do.

Only thing I can try and do is be braver than iv ever been in my life keep trying if I get rejected cant take it as a reason to gamble because if I dont gamble maybe they will come around and see me again for the real me.

I cant blame them how can they understand when you had loads of chances but I can do this just need to be patient disciplined blocks up and maybe even a bit of luck.

Keep digging in mate, don't let gambling get back into your system.

I know from experience it is hard when you hurt people and when gambling takes over and you behave in a way that isn't the real person.

Those who really know you I hope they will forgive you in time. It is so difficult for non-gamblers and even gamblers who do not have a problem to understand the mind of a compulsive gambler and how the beast and the addiction takes over and you can be totally out of control and nothing else but gambling matters and at certain moments you find yourself acting in ways which indicate you don't care for friends and family.

Keep doing the right things with blocks in place and you will get there. The key is to learn to live with any gambling which causes a problem. You may have to go through a few stages to get to that point.

Day 38

Things arnt great at the moment having to face reality of the situation gambling has left me in its not and wont be cleared up over night trying to be patient disciplined and just try and survive in the short term.

It will get better just have to face the music at the moment but im focused I know what i have to do and gambling can play no part in trying to find an easy fix odaat.

was back at it for a week it was all a bit crazy no point going into details it was crazy.

Off it again since friday im battered and bruised and dont know whether im coming or going.

when the bookies close i go and play machines and theyre terrible value and then whilst in the bookies when im chasing why do I back dogs yet again terrible value but when iv my cg head on me im kinda possessed.

Back to the drawing board awww well thats life Day 4 time to try again

just watched an amazing football match watching them 2 teams twice a year nearly makes sky subscription payment value for money

day 2

not doing to good unfortunately but at least i didnt gamble football last night have to try and do the same tonight again.

had a bad day things arnt to good struggling to get into recovery hopfully tomorrow can be day 1 before i really let gambling give me another nightmare.

I hate this disease but love gambling the odd time.

its leaving me like victor meldrew inside at the moment but puting on the mask for my family and friends because couldnt tell them again ive been gambling again like a mad man only so many chances you can have how could they understand hope none of the young people in my extended family get the gambling bug wouldnt wish this lifestyle on anyone.

no fool like an old fool

Thanks for the post and sorry to read that you have relapsed, hope things get better for you soon.

Appreciate the suggestion but I don't need CBT counselling, I've had counselling in the past which included some CBT. I don't have any issues in that area now since quitting random gambling last June.

And I have no wish to spend the money I use for football bets on anything else. Sorry if I sound grumpy or down I don't mean to, just telling my life and my recovery as it is.

im a disaster lost 6k since tuesday ahh well maybe tomorrow can be day 1

Day 1

Was at it again like a mad man for about 6 weeks i think. Didnt sleep properly during that time got very little fresh air. Didnt tell many I was back at it.

Slept well last night its kinda been a relief for the game to be up. I tried to control it I tried very hard but my cg head would pop up after a losing bet.

I think im ok i know this feeliing unfortunately far to well.

Feel insecure again financially dont like that feeling but it is what it is.

small steps

Day 1

Was at it again like a mad man for about 6 weeks i think. Didnt sleep properly during that time got very little fresh air. Didnt tell many I was back at it.

Slept well last night its kinda been a relief for the game to be up. I tried to control it I tried very hard but my cg head would pop up after a losing bet.

I think im ok i know this feeliing unfortunately far to well.

Feel insecure again financially dont like that feeling but it is what it is.

small steps

I love an interest in a sporting event unfortunately gambling on a sporting event makes the event very interesting but also very scary!

Im enjoying Dominic Dale tonight in the snooker for pure harmless reasons he even made me smile tonight hes a great harmless character i have him sky plused a few months ago singing frank sinatra at a snooker tournament hes a character bigtime you wouldnt get a bookie singing for you unlesss hed just took the shirt of your back.

hope liverpool do the business tomorrow dont support them they just deserve it im delighted for them.

Day 3

Have to face this head on cant live in denial any longer. Gambling isnt healthy for me thats for sure im sleeping better already. have to try and be patient take time to heal the wounds.

Im away to the gym not really in the mood but have to push myself.

Im thinking of starting a Dominic Dale supporters club hes great!