Today I do not want to escape life and people and do harm to myself

My Name is Dave of Beckenham. I am becoming healthier in a spiritual way. Yet I am not a religious person.

I use to feel that my feelings were controlled by other peole and life.

Today I am not willing to let fear inhibit me from getting the very best from life.

My addictions a d obsessions were just a very celar indicator that I could not cope with life and people.

My purpose today is t be very selfish and for me to become the healthiest I can be.

There is nothing I can do or say to change my past.

Pain I did to myself and others is done now let me get on with my life.

I am very selfish in my recovery, my recovery is the most important thing in my life today.

Taking the easy escape option is not my way today.

I wished far to much of my time away before recovery.

I am able to listen and learn today, I am able to ask for help today, I am able to admit my ignorance today.

My resentments were an indicator that I was unable to heal my pains.

My vengeful thoughts were an indicator that I was unable to heal my pains.

My hatred was an indicator that I was unable to heal my pains.

My feeling the victim was an indicator that I was unable to heal my pains.

My not feeling loved was an indicator that I was filled with fears.

How much do I value myself today.

I am still eager to get things done yet the rain still delays me getting things done.

Accepting the serenity prayer helps me in so many ways.

In being in the spirtual recovery program I am able to understand other people being unhealthy because I see myself as I was in the past.

Before entering the spirtual recovery program I really did not have a choice but to trun unhealthy habits.

My unhealthy reaction to life an dpeople started from a very early aage.

I was for sure a victim from a very early age.

Yet over time I became teh perpetrator in so many ways.

Being a vcitim has nothing to do about physical size or s*x.

Being a vcitim was me not being able to speak up for myself.

I am able to be a healthier peerson today because of the things I have learned being in my recovery.

I do not and did have to take up reigion to become healthy.

Yet over time I would grow to learn spirtual values.

In the spirtual recovery program we are all equals.

It is a simple fact that I was very ignorant as to how the spirtual recovery would work for me.

I have invested a great deal of time and energy keeping at my revoverry and in the healing process.

I felt like a victim for so long in my life living in the pains of my past.

Reacting in such unhealty ways, now I am able to interact with people and life a healthy whole some life.

Being so over sensitive and getting angry was an indicator I was aunable to heal my pains.

Shirley & I have been so busy in getting things done in time allowed.

I do not hav a desire to gamble which is strange because I use to feel I had no choice but to gamble before recovery.

Step one for me was about understanding my emotional triggers.

My unhealed pains use to cause me to be angry.

My fears use to cause me to be angry.

My frustrations use to cause me to be angry.

My loneliness use to cause me to feel very vulnerable.

Me not having a healthy full life caused me to feel bored and unchanged.

Gratitude was some thing that was missing from my life at one time.

For me today as I became healthier my values changed.

All the time I was focused on status money and material items.

Today my relationships with people are what is important to me.

Over time I recognized that I felt isolated and lonely and then recognized my fears and also my fear of intimacy with people.

I certainly lived a large period of my life unable to heal and nurture my pains.

Every traumatic unresolved painful periods of my life left me with unrecognizable fears in my adult hood.

One of the most inhibiting fears was that of rejection and abandonment.

I am able to live a healthy life today and my values change as I mature.

Some people think that you have to be religious to be a spiritual person, That is not so.

Our conscience is very much spiritual based.

When we hurt other people in any way we hurt our self.

Yesterday we were very productive as a team. I am more useful these days.

There was a time when I wished my life away, I was afraid of living and afraid of dying.

I use to think and feel that I loved gambling, the llusion of love was because it gave me excitement and such an adreline rush.

Today I am stable and realxed and not living on the edge of my nerves.

Usually I caused myself a lot of pain due to my unreasonable expectations of life and of other people.

When people were angry or upset I took their issues on board.

My resentments and being over sensitive told me that I was not able to or not able to heal my pains.

Tomorrow we sign the final papers regards my mums passsing on.

It has been a year since her death and yet I now feel more at peace with her than ever before in my life.

There are three records of her father playing vaudeville I want to transfer.

I hope that I am able to do that soon.

What do we class as being successful, money material thing, or is it bout being more spirtaul and content with who we are where we are an knowing we do teh very best we can do in any thing we try our hand at.

Once in my journey of recovery there was more success and less failure.

In fact my theory is that every thing in ou rlife is a test of our steel.

How we deal with lifes tests is a meassure of our recovery.

Shirley & I ar eboth working hard to get things done in our time.

Rain stops play of course that is time to relax and enjoy what we have and who we are today.

I am looking forward to being at the 50th Celebration of GA in the UK at Basildon Essex.

I did not have a clue how important the spiritual recovery program was going to have on me.

I walked in to the recovery program emotionally traumatized, not able to see any thing clearly.

My questions were due to my insecurity I had learned to live my life on the edge of my nerves.

With each lie came more fear, in time I was able to get honest with myself.

No matter when a person had their last bet, I am an equal to them.

I am able to be more accountable to myself today.

I understand most aspects of the recovery program.

My motives for doing things are not resentful, I do things willingly.

I am not torn a part with rage and anger, I am content with myself today.

I was not stupid bad or evil, I was just a very weak vulnerable unhealthy person.

I am doing well and trying to have full healthy productive days yet while respecting my physical limits.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

The obsessions and addictions were an indicator that I had poor resolve in how I felt with in myself.

Fear was a way of me protecting myself

I no longer want to live in fear any more.

I do not fear the gambling establishments today.

I use to say that I wanted to be normal.

Today I want to be healthier than normal.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave Of Beckenham