Today, I will not gamble

Day 93 - 12/2/14

Ian - thanks for the insight it really does help and as I said the more information/understanding of this addiction the closer I can get to beating it permanently.

Robby - definitely the right thing to do is to not punish yourself. You've done 100 days previously and you ll be there in no time again. Once I get there i might steal the short targets idea for better motivation. I think that's great as it doesn't make the end goal too far and the days just tick by.

In terms of urges/near gambling experiences it's been relatively quiet this week although just watching the tv or going on the Internet, the amount of air time gambling sites get is frightening but I can now look past the witty or idiotic ads because I know deep down there's a very dark side to them.

I will never give them another penny.

On a plus side after a bad day at work and an evening alone I didn't get an urge even with lots of sport on! Means I can use the money I would have thrown down the drain on a better present for my girlfriend for valentines. Very soft, but earn some brownie points and stay gamble free!

Can't believe how much my perspective has changed since sitting here 93 days ago. Genuinely didn't think it possible but need to remain focused as it seems just as you think you've cracked it that is when I ll be most susceptible to relapsing.

Stu

Day 98 - 17/2/14

Just plodding through at the moment. Work isn't great and couple of big unnecessary arguments with my girlfriend left me feeling pretty low this morning. Got through the day and I know longer look to gambling to give me a pick me up as I know it leads to an even darker place. Instead I've cooked a hearty meal and on the way to my gfs to apologise!

Fighting to get to Wednesday and then on to the next 100 from there. There's no way I'm letting this addiction back into my life.

Stu

Well done on the 98 days gamble free. I am have just started again and am only on 2 days.

I have had problems on and off forever 10 years with periods of no gambling, hectic periods of frequent gambling and everything in between.

For me i have never tackled the actual problem which i am attempting this time. I don't gamble to make money, nor because I enjoy it, nor because i am in debt or out of debt - so why do I? I am not sure on that exact answer but am willing to take advice fem my GP, counselling and CBT to find out.

Well done again and keep going!!

Regards

G

Good to see your still going strong Stu,an early congrats on 100 days,well deserved,putting that gamble free time behind you really does change your whole outlook on life,wish i would of kept strong,but its a learning curve,what doesnt break us,makes us stronger!

Im sure your wary of complancencey,it really does only take that first bet to send us back to the madness that gambling brings.

Ive hopefully got back on the right tracks after a mad 10 days,escaped financially,but things completley stressed me out.

Well done,im chuffed for ya.

Day 100 - 19/2/14

Can't believe I can write that! Really happy to get there but as you say Robby it's only one bet that can send things spiralling out of control. For me it's always been one day at a time and now looking forward to 200 days at the end of May.

Good to hear from you G I ve always found it tough to really know what made me gamble and it was some enjoyment but mainly it was a stupid competitiveness that I had to be right and I was willing to place thousands of pounds on it. Idiotic when I think back.

Robby, through the hardest 10 and you've done a 100 days before, stay focused mate.

Stu

Stuart

Congratulations on your tonne mate.

Youve broken its back now

Keep moving forward

Kyle

Day 111 - 2/3/14

Cheers for the post Kyle.

Still gamble free and really feel this horrible addiction is behind me. Just watched the carling cup final and as a united fan I used to bet on city cos if they won I'd win financially and if they lost I would be happy. But now I just don't care that I didn't win on them because I don't have to go through 90 minutes of sweating.

Am also now going days without thinking about gambling so for now think I ll post less but just update now and again.

Stu

Hi Stu.

You're doing fantastic. Keep it up. Never get complacent though. I once relapsed after 244 days. The demons always lurk waiting to strike at moments of weakness. Stay strong. You're a fighter. You're fighting for your future. Take care.

Againstnature.

Day 118 - 9/3/14

Still gamble free although I'm in a bit of a rut. Rubbish couple of days followed by Sunday blues this morning has left me feeling pretty awful.

Couple of my mates have just bought houses and I should be in a position to do this as well but I have still got pretty much no money after clearing my credit card last month.

It's the financial side that still really hurts I have 2 big birthdays this month to pay for as well as my gf wanting to go on holiday. As nobody knows of my previous addiction it's very difficult to explain why I have no money!

I will not resort back to gambling to try and fix this as I know where that leads. I am creating my own problems at the moment as I keep saying to myself that I want X left in the bank at the end of each month and as it's such an unrealistic target I always end up shy and then feel dreadful. Any thoughts as to how I can sort this?!

I will not gamble to solve this.

Stu

Day 120 - 11/3/14

4 months since I last gambled.

Such a less stressful time without gambling. 8 more months for 1 year and hopefully by then I can be in a position not to worry about money which now is the only reason I get any urges.

Onwards and upwards

Day 125 - 16/3/14

New target of 250 days so I'm now half way there.

Feel like atm I'm fully in control but I'm not going to get complacent.

Stu

Hi

I've read some of your diary congratulations on making it to 125 days. Have you told any of your friends about your addiction. I know it might be quite a hard thing to talk about but It's always good to have people looking out for you. Don't get me wrong this site is a good outlet but personally it think it's nice to talk to people face to face.

I'm also struggling with debt but all it really is a few numbers on a computer screen. I've lost a similar amount of money to you. If you stay gamble free it won't take long to pull ourselves back to zero. Hope you had a great weekend. Keep posting and stay strong.

Day 132 - 23/3/2014

Fortunately still gamble free, although I've had a very rocky day. I woke up fine this morning and it was spending £30 on dinner last night coupled with £25 on lunch today. Rash spending but it was a friends birthday last night and we all went out for lunch this morning.

I came back home flicked on the footy to see Tottenham 2-0 down and just thought right £100 on tottenham at probably at least 10-1 would really sort me out and get me in positive finances again. Overcame the urge and was upset at the final whistle with a last minute goal they won 3-2. Now onto villa v stoke so just thought villa will win but made myself make some food and a drink and by that time they were already 1-0 up. It was infuriating. Just checked now and it's 3-1 stoke so clearly his was a wake up call. In the long run I can't win. I was stupid enough to think I could bet once and sort my financial troubles out but I know it would make it worse.

I will not gamble mainly out of pride at getting this far and I want to be able to say I still haven gambled in 2014. I need to get through to payday next week and I should be okay.

The biggest problem I'm having is I set myself unrealistic savings targets each month to try and eradicate my debt. So by the time it gets to the middle of the month I am at the position id set myself to be at the end so I look at ways to keep my balance the same. I have to accept this is going to take time and need to reel in my expectations. It's annoying but the only way the balance will go in the way I want is if I don't gamble.

Thanks for the post westsider I really wish I could tell someone but just feel I can't. I like being able to vent on here and have others in the same position be able to reassure me. It's very difficult speaking to someone who doesn't know this addiction and would belittle it.

I will not gamble, I'm closing in on 150 days and I'm not going to return to day 1 after all my hard work.

Cheers

Stu

I just made myself re read my first post and it has confirmed how stupid I would be to allow gambling back into my life. I have done so much right to turn my life around and there's no way I'm letting myself get back to rock bottom.

Well done for battling through your urges today Stu,good to see your still going strong.

What would of happened if you won a grand on spurs today?

Would that have been it? Gamble free life? I very much doubt it,with all the will in the world you would be back on that merry go round.

When I fell off the wagon after over 100 days gamble free back at the end of jan,I won a quick couple of hundred,treated that money as if I had nothing to lose,sure enough lost it plus more chasing the initial win- you know how it works.

You gota stop thinking like a gambler,something I'm guilty of and trying to address.

I sat watching the cricket earlier,looked up the odds- habit (a bad habit) couldn't believe australias odds,was breifly tempted,but couldn't gamble even if I wanted,lack of funds I've left myself avaliable.

Urge passed,bet would of gone t**s up,a moral victory.

Limit your avaliable funds stu,keep the barriers up,exclusions just incase you are tempted to act upon an urge.

Hats off to you mate,your doing great,an inspiration to one and all.